


just let me breathe for a second

by paintmelilacs



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, BAMF Leo Valdez, Child Abuse, Depression, Dissociation, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, Hes trying his best okay, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Leo Valdez Needs a Hug, M/M, Minor Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Minor Hazel Levesque/Frank Zhang, Nico di Angelo & Leo Valdez Friendship, Overdosing, Panic Attacks, Piper McLean & Leo Valdez Friendship, Police, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, SOMEBODY STOP ME FROM CHANGING THE SUMMARY EVERY MONTH, Sad Leo Valdez, Skipping Class, Switching Schools, Unreliable Narrator, Wistful, a lil but yknow, aha ha...., and 14, because I said so, bff piper, biancas not dead, dear readers i am very sorry about ch13, its barely referenced lmao, leo and piper are inseparable, luke is kind of an asshole, maybe slightly contreversial, tutor! annabeth chase, updated mothafuckas ❤️, working on an update i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:28:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 74,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22397824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintmelilacs/pseuds/paintmelilacs
Summary: to breathe is to live,but what is it to be alive?leo doesnt know, so fuck it, he gets high.
Relationships: Jason Grace/Piper McLean, Nico di Angelo/Leo Valdez, Rachel Elizabeth Dare/Bianca di Angelo
Comments: 126
Kudos: 226





	1. 7-eleven baby, we need a dustpan

**Author's Note:**

> wow ok im actually posting this.
> 
> A few disclaimers:
> 
> 1) i wrote leo mixed in this story, not for any reason besides thats just how i imagined him even when reading the original series. 🤷♀️
> 
> 2) this story gets dark, it deals with sensitive subject matter including depression, substance abuse, child abuse, bipolar disorders and other things that arent so great. im not gonna romanticize or glorify them, just know that theyre there. 
> 
> 3) i put warnings before each chapter.
> 
> 4) Like most writers, i haven’t experienced some of the things i write about. But in this case, I do have experience for most subject matter, and if i haven’t experienced it first hand I provably have friends or family that have. holla ? 
> 
> (ok im done being lowkey mean :) is this me putting my own feelings on characters from a book series i read as a kid? yes. what about it.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo is forced to hang out with git foster siblings. Luckily, Piper is there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to, ‘i didnt think i would actually post this’, chapter 1.
> 
> But seriously i’ve had this idea for a while cause i’ve always seen Leo as a sort of stoner kid and the i was like aHA....what if i take it a step  
> f u r t h e r. 
> 
> This piece of shit has a lot of character development to do for a lot of characters, so stick with me.
> 
> warnings: none :)

_Im scrambling to clean up the pieces _

_ the pieces that you left me in.... _

_ before someone else comes around _

_and tries to break me again_.

* * *

Sometimes people will say that they feel like  they’re life is a movie. Frames dancing across a big white screen, dazzling and breath-taking, tragic and romantic, your eyes are glued to the sight.

Leo thinks that if his life was a movie it’d probably be a shitty one, where you’ve finished your popcorn ten minutes in and by the thirty minute mark you don’t even care about the plot anymore. It’s tiring, and he wishes they would turn off the film already. 

He’s thinking this as he toys with his breakfast, honey-nut cheerios, by trying to get all the cheerios to one side of the bowl. Cereal is definitely not his first snack of choice, but its the McKinney’s pantry and it’s better thanbleak ass gluten-free granola bars. _So hell_ , he would take it. 

It’s his second week in his new foster home, the McKinney’s, and he’s only feeling about two thirds of the miserable he thought he would be. The family consists of Mrs. McKinney and Mr.McKinney (they  insisted Leo call them Jake and Mellissa) and the two hellspawn they like to call ‘ _children_ ’. The family is suffocating, a pack of white church goers who couldn’t think for themselves if they’re life depended on it. On his first night they asked if Leo was religious over dinner, he had lied and said he was christian, when really he couldn’t give less of a fuck. 

If there ever was a God he’s been dead for years, because that’s the only explanation for why Leo’s still here on Earth.

Turns out that was the correct answer, the McKinney’s were catholic. (whooo, who could have guessed) He saw Jake breathe out an  _ actual sigh of relief _ when he said that. 

It’s not like Leo couldn’t have guessed they were catholic, what other kind of religious family would have _“live, laugh, love”_ signs plaguing their walls every five steps. The McKinney’s do have a white kitten named ‘Tic-Tac’ though, and she‘s honestly the most redeeming quality of them all.

Leo supposes the brats aren’t too bad, if you can tolerate spoiled snobby white kids who had to rinse their mouths out with water after eating a taki for the first time. There was Colin, age 14, and Hannah, age 12. Leo was 16. 

(and _no_ , it totally didn’t bother him that Colin was at least four inches taller than him. The kid was a bean stalk, okay?)

For the first time in a _very_ long time, Leo was  excited for school to start up again. Not for the actual “schooling” part of course, but he wanted the whole gang to be back together....he wanted.... _things to go back to._

His thoughts were interrupted as someone sat in the chair across from him. 

_Hannah._

She obviously didn’t get the memo that he wanted to eat alone, demonstrated by the  _ “great wall of cereal boxes” _ the teen had set up to try and block himself off from the outside world. The McKinney’s had unholy amounts of breakfast cereal; Apple Jacks, Lucky Charms, Coco Puffs....everything.

_(_ _cereal loving lunatics.... ) _

The Lucky charms wing was pushed aside and Hannah stared at him.  _ (Lucky charms....rest in peace, fallen soldier.) _

“Good morning.”

Leo shrugged. More like ‘ok morning’. Hannah poured Coco Puffs into a plastic orange bowl. Apparently the Mckinney’s can’t handle real, breakable dishes.

“ _Y’know_ , when someone says good morning to you you’re usually supposed to say it back. Besides, aren’t you, like, my brother now?” Hannah says, spilling  some of the milk on the table when pouring it. She goes to get napkins. 

“First of all, mornings can suck my ass. _Second_ , i’ve been through enough foster homes to know that I will literally  never be your sibling. That’s just weird.”

Part of him hopes that she can’t hear him through the remainder of the cereal blockade, that the breakfast grains will protect and shelter him from having to do anything, but alas;

“How many homes have you been to?” Hannah asked tersely, almost as if she was afraid if asking the question.

“Dunno,” Leo said through a mouthful of cheerios, “A lot. More than I can count on my fingers.” He knew the exact number. Eleven as of now.

Hannah sopped up the milk with the cheap paper towels. She had chubby fingers. Leo took note of how the color of her skin was akin to that of the milk, stark white. 

As he heard, Hannah had been that pale since she was a baby, like Snow White. Whenever she went outside her mother would slather sunscreen on her till’ it looked like she was wearing a face mask. Hannah also had brown hair and thin, red lips, finishing off the disney princess look.

Leo didn’t have milk white skin, but he wasn’t exactly a coco puff either, he mused. His skin was more like how the milk looked after the coco puffs had steeped in it, a warm brown in-between.

He also knew that this fact made her nervous. 

Most conservative white people tried to cover their nervousness by pretending as if they don’t notice he is not the same as they are, instead they embarrass themselves by assuming things they don’t know. It’s very funny.

Like the first night Leo got there, Melissa cooked “Mexican Cuisine” (it was tacos) for him because it might “remind him of home”. The curly haired boy tried to explain to them that he wasn’t Mexican, his family was from Venezuela, but they looked confused. (Leo didn’t tell them that he actually used to eat tacos and Mexican cuisine a lot because it didn’t help his case, but whatever)

Hannah wouldn’t try to cover it up, or she just didn’t know how. Sometimes he would just catch her staring blatantly at his hands or his kinky hair with wonder. But she’s young, and Leo realized he’s a different kind of person she isn’t used to. She only notices the differences, she doesn’t think differently about him because of them.

“Oh. Well, I bet its cool seeing all those places. How was it when you first came to California?”

He wants to tell her that it wasn’t “cool” moving so many times. That it’s tiring and a pain in the ass, but all he’s ever known. Often when Leo’s really high, he thinks about life when he’s older. How he’ll be eighteen and with the choice of finally staying somewhere, he’ll still keep running. Running, running, running. _Leo fucking hates running._

_(you do it to yourself...)_

“Yeah. The people are different over here. Big difference between east coast and west coast.” Was all he said.

Leo cleaned up his dish and put away the boxes, retreating to his room on the second floor.

The McKinney’s had a two story house with three bathrooms, a kitchen with an island, a yard, _and_ pool. There was only three bedrooms originally, so Leo lived in the old office space, but the family had explained to him that they transformed it into a guest bedroom years ago. 

(he was living that upper-middle class  dream)

His room usually withheld only a single bed, small desk, lamp, and a dresser. Right now, it had all that and the addition of  an upside-down Colin playing DS on his bed.

Leo mentally rubbed a hand down his face. 

_ (for fuck’s sake, this kid and his pokémon-loving ass better get before i— ) _

“Get outta’ my room.”

Colin didn’t look up from his DS, the small screen was streaky and reflective from prepubescent boy sweat.  “No. Also, you’re bed sucks.” 

The bed was a twin with a springy mattress. The boy tried to shove him off to no avail. The kid was infuriating.

“I will literally snap that thing in half if you don’t get up.”

“As if you would do anything.” He scoffed. “By the way, my Mom bought you some new clothes, they should be in the closet.”

“K, cool, now get the fuck out.” Leo said, voice muffled by a pillow.

_“Was that a no-no word I heard?”_

“ _OUT._ _ ” _

Leo felt like scraping his skin off then crying when he heard the door click shut. Colin was that type of kid who was constantly trying to prove that he’s cool. (especially now that Leo lives here) Whether thats a Colin trait or a fourteen-year old boy trait, Leo does not know.

Thinking back on what Colin had said, Leo forced himself out of bed. Sure enough, in the closet was a large Kohl’s bag with the handles tied at the top. Disassembling the knot, he opened the bag.

Folded neatly into the plastic was new clothes; khaki pants, a pair of regular jeans, a couple polo shirts, two t-shirts, and a plain hoodie. Compared to his old ripped jeans, dark gray billabong shirt  _(it may or may not have previously belonged to Piper... Don’t judge me)_ and dirty mismatched converse, one orange one purple, these clothes were going to make him look like a saint.

I mean, khaki’s, really? 

He knew Melissa loved Jesus, just not enough to buy him  khakis.

The realization slowly dawned on him that the they were likely expecting Leo to wear this first day of school and the boy threaded his fingers into his hair. The look on Luke’s face if he came into school, first day, wearing khakis and a _fucking polo shirt..._

Leo shivered at the sheer caucasity.

* * *

He had about an hour and a half of bliss on that Monday morning. Scrolling social media, watching weird food network shows on Netflix, practicing new shuffles and failing at said shuffles.... 

That was until the brats came crawling back.

Colin poked his head in first, “I’m bored”. He looked at Leo as if  he was supposed to do something about it.

“I ain’t you’re entertainment system. Or your mom either for that fact. Go bother your sister.”

Colin had closed the door after that. Suspicious . The child usually never gives up that easily....

And Leo was right because he came back, this time slamming the door open and revealing a shy looking Hannah, shifting tentatively in tow.

“ _We’re_ bored.” He said with a sharp grin, “You have to take us somewhere. We can go to the beach, or the movies, or the mall.”

Leo sighed. “And why’d do i have to take you?”

“Because...Because i’ll tell my mom if you don’t. Besides, its not like we can get anywhere by ourselves, we need a car.” Colin said after a moment of thought. Hannah looked at him pleadingly.

“in case you haven’t noticed, _shithead_ , I ain’t got a car.”

“Yeah, but you have  _friends_ with cars, right?”

Leo stared at Colin. Colin stared at Leo. Colin. Leo. Colin. Leo.

(Hannah stared at the ground.)

after a wavering ten seconds, Leo conceded:

“Whatever. I’ll take you, but the farthest you’re gettin’ is 7-Eleven and the park.”  He also weighed his options,  “And i’ll drop you off back here, but im going to stay with my friend. Mellissa comes back at five, right? I’ll be back round’ four. If you tell anyone, you’re dead”

The younger kids stared back with wide eyes. 

_“Got it?”_

They nodded their heads quickly. And so he called up Piper and asked for a ride. He didn’t tell her about the brats though. 

_ (Are you kidding? She would fuckin flame me if she found out I was babysitting these idiots! ) _

* * *

30 minutes of watching Colin peak through the blinds later, a baby blue dodge charger rolls up next to the house Leo gets a ‘here’ text from Piper.

The three head out to the driveway and Leo noticed Colin staring at the car like he just won a million dollars, and remembers when he was in that same position. _(_ _ Ok, I probably should have told Piper about the kids... )_

Oh well, what can be done?

The spotless window rolls down and an amused Piper sticks her head out.

“Watcha’ got here,  _Macro_ ?” she said, and oh my god _why are we bringing that nickname back-_ “Didn’t tell me I was ubering a whole-ass kindergarten class.”

Under her breath Piper murmered something about that statement rhyming, Colin was about to pop a vein.

“ _Hey_! I’m in middle school y’know!”

Leo held Colin back with a hand on his shoulder, Hannah stared at her brother, mouth agape with horror. Poor girl, Piper’s going to scare her to death. 

“ _Hop in.”_

* * *

Leo rode shotgun, obviously, the other two sat in the back, Piper is at the wheel. She rolled a lollipop in her mouth, garbling her speech.

“ _So_ , werr awwe goin’, wosers?”

He dug a lollipop out of her middle compartment, mystery flavored, but didn’t offer any to the McKinney’s spawn.

“Drive to a nearby gas station, then maybe the park or somethin’, dunno, the gremlins said they was bored.”

The mystery flavor happened to be blue raspberry, Leo happily popped it into his mouth, careful to minimize the amount of spit he got on the stick so it wouldn’t get soggy  because _ewww gross._

_(mmm the sweet sweet taste of serotonin... )_

The ride was suprisingly...serene, which was suspicious in literally an abounding amount if ways. Leo had closed his eyes, and rested his cheek against the seat. The brats were silent, a quick look from the rear view revealed they seemed to also be soaking up the moment. You could hear Piper’s hums in tune to the radio playing softly and the candy selling him flavor while indefinitely dying his tongue blue. And for a couple minutes, he felt...at rest? Leo’s not sure, its a strange feeling. Almost... foreign.

_ And _

_ You  _

_ Could  _

_ Almost _

_Just_

_ (....sink into that feelin’ child....close your eyes....) _

_fall_ _._

* * *

They arrived at the 7-eleven. 

The gas station store was a bit small, cashier by the front, slushies in the back, greasy donuts somewhere in between. The typical 7-eleven experience. 

The kids beelined to the candy section and Piper went to  scope out the chips. Leo was about to head over to the gum when he caught the cashier giving him the side eye. 

The guy was young, maybe around late teens, early twenties. He had longish blonde hair and a lanky body; a solid 6.5/10 in Leo’s book. A seven if he ditched the gas station uniform. 

The cashier looked away and Leo went back to deciding between FiveGum and Extra. 

_ (I decided on Extra, spearmint. Yeah, thats right. I’m a classy bitch.) _

Leo picked up a king-size kit-kat bar and a can of Bang Energy drink, then made his way to the front. The rats appeared one after the other. A pleased looking Hannah carrying an armful of Pringles and Starbucks coffee as well as Colin with a Monster energy drink and Nacho Cheese Doritos. 

The older boy plucked the Monster out of his arms. “Alright, yeah,  _no_ . You’re not allowed to have energy drinks. No fucking way. We’ll have to scrape ya’ off Piper’s car.” 

Colin scrunched up his eyebrows. “ _Well_ -!  _Hannah_ gets to have coffee! How is that fair?!”

”Shut up, git.”

Then Piper comes around, holding a bag of Taki’s (fuego, what other kind of takis would you get you monster).

“ _Aww_ _, Leo!_ You’re such a good babysitter! Look at you! Taking care of kids! It just warms my heart.” She wipes a fake tear from her eye. The  _bitch_. I mean, Leo  is pretty good with kids. But, like,  saying that he is? So not cool dude.

Eventually, Colin reluctantly puts back the Monster, and to make it equal we made Hannah put back one of her coffees. 

The sketch cashier checked us out, and Leo caught the name on his shirt tag. 

_Travis_ .

_(Huh, where have i heard that name before ....?)_

The cashier checks them out, it rings up to a total of $14.78. The small  _ding_! of the door as they exit marks the end of their group 7-eleven trip.

Leo, Piper, and the two brats end up going to Winter Park to eat and chill out. Mostly Leo and Piper talked on the swings and the other two goofed around on the playground set for an hour or so. Piper talked about how her Dad had been acting strange recently, and Leo told her about his new fosters. Then it was time to go.

* * *

Everyone piles back into Piper’s little car and head home. Even though it was literally just a gas station run, Leo thinks he finds a little piece of home in it. A small, dusty piece of glass that might have been his at some point.... 

And looking out onto the suburban neighborhoods out that little car window, hearing the soft radio music as it plays hit after hit;

It made Leo want to crush the piece of glass with bare bloody hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahaha.
> 
> So, yeah.
> 
> If you would please comment that would be greatly appreciated it is the sole thing that keeps  
> me going 🥺🥺. 


	2. i do not think, therefore i am not / spaghetti & sins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A seemingly normal dinner reveals something big.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm yeah i havent gone to a therapy session since i was 8/9 so i?? kinda forgot?? how they go?? this was best attempt yall 😌. 
> 
> (oh my godddd im so tired of editing. i had to rewrite half of this shit. i am on the verge of  
> t e a r s.)
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of self harm, small breakdown.

* * *

_i_ _live my days without time_

_i dont think_

_i dont breathe_

_i barely exist_

_so sorry if i offend you,_

_i_

_just-_

_(“the doctor calls it dissociation-”)_

i don’t think i don’t think i don’t think i don’t think i don’t think I DON’T THINK I DON’T THINK I DON’T THINK I DON’T-

**_therefore i am not._ **

* * *

Currently, Leo was inside a dark closet, covered in spaghetti sauce, and trying not to bash his own brains out.

Unsurprisingly, this is not how the day started.

Let’s take it back a few hours.

It was about a week after the 7-eleven expedition, and things were actually sort of....good? Which is, like, super rare for Leo. He was getting a bit suspicious, even.

Like, first, he started back in on therapy. And most people expect him to be all “oh _im_ _ Leooo _ and im _so_ _ edgy _ I dont  _ neeeed _ therapy thats  _ stupppiddd _ .”

And for a while, he was exactly like that. Given, thats on the preface that he was a young tween with serious mental trauma and attachment issues (still kinda is) and thought that the therapist would hurt him in some way if he told her the truth (still kinda does).

It was years later until he realized that he  was an  _ actual _ _kid_ with  _ actual  _ _childhood trauma_ who needed  _ actual therapy. _A lot of it. Not only that, but therapy is fucking expensive, and right now, the foster system has to pay for it. 

_ (Yeah the system even deemed me so messed up that they put me in the TFC program, beat that weenies.) _

Leo will probably never be able to afford it again, so why throw it out? Plus, he gets some pretty cool medications out of it as well.

_(—- ~~theyre not cool~~ —-fucking dumb— S꙰H꙰I꙰T꙰ !!!!!!!!!!!———⒣⒜⒧⒧⒰⒞⒤⒩⒜⒯⒤⒪⒩⒮??? no....._ _ ——YOU PIECE OF  %#%*%^#>€ ¥!!!!!!—-mongrel——GET THE FUCK~~~~ a ҈ n ҈ t ҈ i ҈ p ҈ s ҈ y ҈ c ҈ h ҈ o ҈ t ҈ i ҈ c ҈ _===—— **-** ~~**filthy mongrel**~~ / %^^#%*) _

_very cool medications_.

Besides, nobody says you have to tell a therapist anything _actually_ important. That way Leo can keep all his dirty secrets and sick thoughts to himself, which may be considered greedy but he finds that he doesn’t care that much. 

He tells his therapist that he doesn’t really care about anything anymore. She asks if Leo was sad often. He said no.

He just drifts. Mindless, drifting. (Like a ghost, but he doesn’t tell her that).

Leo ‘drifts’ a lot. Sometimes, he doesn’t feel he is Leo. The boy looks at his own face and thinks  _ who is this? who is this sick child? Surely it can’t be me_ _...._ Mind detached from his person, physically and mentally, leaving Leo with only his current thoughts to focus on. 

The drift is what replaces his anger sometimes, but Leo’s not sure which is worse. In one case, his anger brings him fights and arguments, as if he didn’t have enough resources to lose. But the other, the drift, causes him to _‘let stuff happen’_ that he wouldn’t normally let slide. He let a foster parent bear fists down upon him with no fight back, which just prompted more endless rain of fists. It caused him to allow his drug dealer to kiss him once, he doesn’t think he would have normally let that happen. Or maybe he would, if he craved the substance bad enough.  _ (It doesn’t matter either way, I owed him.) _

He tries not to show people the drift, but he thinks Piper knows. She knows that he doesn’t feel like himself sometimes. But she doesn’t say anything, and neither does Leo, leaving him to drift.

Mrs. Simmons tells him that drifting might cause problems in the future and that he should find something to work towards. A goal.

Leo doesn’t understand this, but he nods anyway. (Is he starting to drift right now? Leo doesn’t know....)

Mrs. Simmons then asks Leo to try to name things or people he cares about, a new exercise she’s trying out. It took him a minute to respond. 

“Well....I care bout’ Pipes, I guess....”

Mrs. Simmons seemed to brighten at that. She really liked it when Leo talked about Piper. 

_ (Leo~Piper~Leo~Piper~Leo~Piper~LeoPiper~LeoPiper~LeoPiper _ _ ~LeoPiperLeoPiperLeoPiper _ _ ) _

“That’s a good start, Piper is a very nice young lady. Can you try to name two more?”

Leo pauses again and takes a hard look at the white ceiling. He was laying on the therapist’s couch (Brown faux leather with bits falling off, which was oddly comforting, actually) as he talked, as he always did. 

In movies, people in therapy always layed like this, so Leo did too. Mrs. Simmons didn’t seem to mind, she told him that normally people wouldn’t lay down in her office while talking to her, but that if it made him more comfortable it was okay. It did. The boy wasn’t a big fan of eye contact, so simply staring at the ceiling helped him a lot. 

“- _o? Leo?_ Are you ok?” Her voice snapped him back.

“Oh, yeah, sorry. I, uh, zoned out for a second there.” Out of his peripheral, he can see her scribblesomething down. 

( _Damn, so she ain’t gonna write somethin’ down when I pour out my heart and soul but she gets to scribbling when I zone out?)_

He wishes he could say that he cares about the McKinney’s. About Melissa and Jake...Hannah and Colin....

He can’t.

“Um, can I say my mother? I care about her a lot, but shes dead so....”  Leo said, trailing at the end.

“Of course, she may have passed away, but she is still a big part of your life. One more?”

Drugs. Leo cared about drugs. 

_(Things I care about:_ _Piper, Mom, getting high.)_

The answer is drugerinos, no  competition. But he can’t say that. Substance abuse is surely out of the range of confidentiality in Mrs. Simmons and he has no idea what would happen to his prescriptions. And then they would say Leo was an addict, which he is definitely  _ not _ , and guess what that means? _No more getting wack-shit high._ Not. Going. To. Happen.

_ (And then it might go on my file and nobody will want to foster me and then....and then....) _

Leo knows he shouldn’t care about not having a pretend family to go home to, thats all he wanted just a year or so ago. He’d run run run....  ~~ Not ~~ because he was scared,  because he was  ~~ no longer ~~ trapped.

The boy shook his head and sighed.

“Go ahead. Remember, the things you tell me are strictly confidential. I am here to help you.”

Leo takesa deep breath, feeling the air flow through his body.  “I really like building things, y’know, sciences. My Mom was studying to be an engineer before she died, I was thinking I might do something like that.”

That wasn’t a lie, his Mom really was in Engineering school before she passed. Usually in movies if a child’s parent dies they do anything to continue their parent’s legacy. Finishing what they started, and what-not. Leo never felt like this, but if Mrs. Simmons just wanted him to have a goal he thought he could hand-feed her this one. Leo’s also starting to think movies are nothing like real life.

The boy shifted to sit up on the leathery couch. Mrs. Simmons looked excited about this development and she wrote something down in her journal. And, _not to brag or anything,_ but she has her own separate book she keeps for Leo. She once told him that he was one of her favorite clients, and the boy couldn’t determine if that meant she genuinely liked Leo, or if he was just some extra interesting specimen she gets to pick apart. 

Probably a little bit of both.

Other than that _creepy little detail_ , Mrs. Simmons was a very calm lady, a grounding rock. Which was almost the exact opposite of Leo. He admired that part of her.It reminded him of his Mamá....

(he maybe admired the ‘psycho dissection lady’ part of her too.)

“That’s great, Leo. Aspirations are inspiring to have. Now, I want you to tell me  why you care about these three things. Start with Piper?”

“Piper and me have been friends for....over two years? I don’t know. I just- I just feel like she’s part of me. It’s like were ‘bonded at the soul’, or some shit. She’s my best friend.” Leo took a long breath. “When I’m with her I drift a little less.”

“I dunno know how to explain it. She’s so perfect. I-I mean not _really_ perfect, bitch has got some  _flaws_ let me tell you _,_ but perfect for me. I....don’t know what i’d do without ‘er.”

Mrs. Simmons clicked her pen and wrote something down.  “Are you sure you and Piper’s relationship is just friendship? Or do you want it to be something else....?”

Leo put his hand to his chest in fake astonishment and gasped. _“Mrs. Simmons_ _!_ Don’t _scandalize_ me, I would never think of Piper in such way!” She stifled a laugh, trying to maintain professionalism. 

“No but really, I don’t like—um, her. In that way. We are strictly  _amigos_ .” She wrote something in her book again.

“Okay, okay. Tell me why you care about your mother. It can be how she was in the past or how she affects you present day. Just talk about her to me.”

Leo sits up on the couch this time. “Mi madre was amazing. She was like....A ray of light in a gray world. She made a lot of people happy, people like Miss Louisa.” 

Leo already told the therapist about Miss Louisa. She was was his mama’s best friend. 

When they first moved to America when Leo was five, she rented a low-roofed, white painted house in a crowded plaza. It was small even with a porch out front, but more than enough for the two of them. The house was part of a poor neighborhood, and nobody greeted them when they moved in.

That was until Louisa knocked on our door. 

It was three days after they moved in, Esperanza was worried the knocks were from the landlord, so she was confused when a young blonde woman stood outside the door, arms carrying a box of food and household things.

It was the first time someone had treated them with genuine kindness since they moved and the two girls quickly became friends despite the language barrier. (Leo’s mom was only half fluent in English. She studied for a year before immigrating, but its harder to use it everyday in it’s country than it is to fill in blanks on a computer.)

Louisa often helped her and Leo learn more English, and in return Esperanza would teach her a little Spanish. Soon they became inseparable, and Louisa would try to treat Esperanza to things she normally wouldn’t spare the money to do (even if Miss Louisa’s family wasn’t well off either). His Mom got to go get her toenails painted and gossip by the pool. She and Louisa would come home giggling about some cute pool boy or watch sappy movies. All stuff normal 20-somethings would do.

Leo’s mom was only twenty-eight when she got trapped in that workshop fire. Leo was only nine. He never saw Miss Louisa again.

“My Mamá believed that everyone had good in them, no matter what. Her name was Esperanza, I think I already told you that though.... She’s just so much better than me, you know?”

“And why do you believe that?”

“Because she was like a shining star in the night and i’m like a sack of shit left out in the sun too long. Do i need to get more poetic than that?”

Mrs. Simmons frowned. “I think instead of comparing yourself to your mother, you should focus on you and what you can do to improve yourself. Take a look inside, find the flaws, and keep those in mind throughout the day. This is called _metacognition_. As you are aware of these flaws, try your best to combat them. It doesn’t have to be a big change, just start little and work your way up.” She ended her spiel with a smile. 

The session went on and Leo completed that exercise and started another one. It was in the last fifteen minutes of their session that Mrs. Simmons did something out of the ordinary; she put her notebook down. And closed it. 

Mrs. Simmons stared at Leo. Leo stared at the notebook. 

“How do you feel, Leo? When you wake up till’ you go to sleep? Describe your mood.”

The boy is taken a back. Its a typical question, but the doxtor isn’t planning on writing anything down with her notebook closed.... And suddenly it feels like a private conversation, an actual private conversation. Leo starts tapping on the sofa. 

“I....I don’t feel much? _I-I mean,_ I don’t really feel happy or sad...I wake up numb, like everyone else. But then, theres times when i’ll feel really happy. Like when i’m with Piper, or.... other stuff. It’s a weird kinda’ happy, because when its over it shatters down. And it feels....Like the end. A-and....Thats it.” Leo stops his hand from tapping and starts wringing it. Mrs. Simmons is silent.

She’s silent for too long, and it worries Leo. He said too much. He said to much, and he said something wrong, and he needs to explain himself—

“I....I don’t know what to say, man. I just wan’t it to be over, I don’t want to _fuckin’ exist_ anymore. I’m not....!—” Leo laughed nervously. He was over-sharing again. “Sometimes I feel like I can’t think, and if I can’t  think then i’m not really  there . _Oh god, I’m—“_

Mrs. Simmons interjects before he can fully lose it. “It’s okay.” she says, but Leo’s not so sure.

“I’ll let you in on a secret, I used to think the same thing. _Well_ , obviously not  _completely_ the same as you do, but I did think that I wasn’t here not there. Similar to a speck of dust in a void. It’s a very lonely feeling....” She trails off. “This is dissociation, as we’ve discussed before. Whenever I thought that I would just write ‘I am here’.” She traced the words slowly on her forearm.

“I want you to try the same thing, _okay_? If you still feel lost, just contact me. My cell phone is always on.”

He nods,  but doesn’t have the energy to really take in her words. 

The session concluded with Mrs. Simmons checking his arms and thighs for any signs of self harm or abuse, even though he hadn’t done something that serious to himself in a very long time. (Coming up on, three years? probably longer)

But when you have history with that kind of stuff, therapists don’t take brushing off their little routine checks very lightly. As usual, she doesn’t find anything.

* * *

So yeah, back in therapy.  _whooo_ .

After the one hour session, Leo gets driven back to the McKinney house by Jake, where dinner is already on the table.

Melissa cooked spaghetti, which was honestly pretty good, and Leo planned on doing his usual ‘eat dinner and don’t talk for ten minutes then quickly wash my dish and dash back upstairs’ routine, when the subject of school came up:

“I can’t wait to see Veronica tommorow, Mommy. D’you know that her older sister goes to Northride high? That’s the same school Leo goes to. I wonder if they’ll meet.” Hannah says over a mouthful of spaghetti. 

Leo interjects, marking the first time he spoke at dinner that night. “Nah, that place s’ full of rich losers. I go to Southwest.” 

Melissa stiffens up in her chair and clears her throat. Hannah turns as red as her spaghetti sauce.

“Um... _Well_...” Melissa starts off. Leo drops his fork.

“We’ve actually decided to change your school. This year you will be attending _Northride_ , instead of Southwest High school.” She says tentatively. The tone of the room did a 180, it was so silent you could hear everyone’s breath. Leo’s stomach dropped. Melissa seems to stiffen up in her chair. She clears her throat. 

At first Leo didn’t feel anything, then, the rage began to boil, anger bubbling up fast and forcing its way out of his throat. All those years of suppressing this  shit , and  where is the benefit ?! He demands to be heard.

“There’s _no fucking way-_ “

“Language-“

“-that i’m going to that pile of shit school! What do you mean you ‘ _decided to change my school’?!_ You can’t do that!” Leo stood up from his chair violently, causing water to slosh out of his glass. Jake mimicked his actions and rose up as well. His face looked stern, forehead wrinkling up with anger.

“ _SIT DOWN!_ There will be no yelling like this in my house!” he roared. Leo was _not_ fucking sitting down.

“You can’t take me away from Southwest, all my friends go there! That has been my school for _two years—_ “

“I don’t care about your little delinquent friends! You are living in _our house_ you will go to the school _we want you in!_ ” Jake gestured angrily at the latino, accidentally flinging the half empty bowl of spaghetti sauce onto him. 

Silence, only broken by Jake’s heavy breathing and Hannah’s quiet sniffles. Colin was trying to hold back a giggle.

Leo looked down at his clothes, and took a deep breath;

“WHAT THE FUCK MAN?!”

Colin bust out laughing, Hannah sobbed louder. Melissa tried to salvage the situation, and Jake headed outside to get some air, the front door slamming loudly behind him.

“Why don’t we all just sit down and talk, okay? We got permission from your social worker and I really think the school would be good for you—“ 

The angry latino interrupted her. “ _Fuck off._ ”

Colin stopped laughing and the teen stormed past Melissa and up to his room, into the closet, shut the door, and slid his back against the wall. Leo’s heart was thundering.

* * *

And thats how we got here; absolutely freaking the _fuck_ out, covered in spaghetti sauce, and inside a closet.

You may ask, “why the closet?”

And that my friend is because closets are:

**a)** Small and compact, which he liked. There was something about knowing exactly whats around you and that nothing can sneak up on you that just feels like a blanket of security.

**b)** Dark and quiet. (loud and bright = no no.)

**c)** They probably won’t look for him in here so he can have some time alone, if they did find him in here, well, _that would be awkward._

Thank you for listening to this Public Service Announcement, now back to our regularly scheduled program: _Leo. absolutely. freaking. the. fuck. out._

_He was going to Northride now?_ What about his friends? What about _Piper?!_

Oh god, no no _no_....This can’t be happening. Leo wishes it was a dream. He could feel his eyes starting to well up, and despite his best efforts, tears started to fall. Leo sobbed and tried to wipe his tears away which ended up mixing them with the spaghetti sauce still on his face and hes still in a closet and—

Leo starts laughing.

Actually, it was more like a laughing/sobbing/choking action, but same thing. The situation just seemed so fucked up he couldn’t stop. The air started to get stuffy with the amount of oxygen his lungs were using and Leo tumbled through the closet doors and fell onto the floor where he giggled face down in the carpet.

Eventually grabbing a hold of his sanity, Leo picked himself off the floor and headed towards the shower where he threw off the stained clothes in exchange for a shower that was probably too hot. 

The original plan was just to wash off, but the steam seemed to choke him, leaving Leo feeling lightheaded and sweaty as little black dots danced in his vision. Leo crouched down in the porcelain tub. Burying his head in his knees, the water ran off his body in rivulets; allowing the steam to cleanse him of spaghetti sauce and sins. 

_ (Southwest High....Thats the longest i’ve stayed somewhere since Mom died. ) _

He stays like that for a while, turning off the shower when he feels his head clear. The house was extremely quiet, unnervingly so. 

Leo passed himself in the mirror and paused to take a look, the sound of water dripping off his body and onto the floor sounding loud within the unusual silence. 

**_pat.pat. pat. pat.pat. pat.pat. pat.pat.patpatpatpatpatpat—_ **

What he saw couldn’t be himself.

Dark bags scooped out valleys underneath his eyes, there was some acne dotting his forehead. Hollow cheeks too hollow....He can see the small dot on his right nostril where a nose ring would usually be, and he remembers getting the piercing, but its still foreign somehow. 

The person in the mirror’s face went cold and dead eyes stared back at him. Leo ran a hand through his hair and it copied. The figures curls were a mess; frizzy and limp from lack of proper shampoo and care.

It’s features were feminine- _ish_ , something that had not changed with time. Sloped nose and big lips. And still, he wasn’t sure if he liked it or not.Further on wasn’t different either, same bony shoulders and pronounced collar bones. Had these ever been Leo’s?

When he finally decided he couldn’t look at the stranger in the mirror any longer, Leo padded back to his bedroom, house still eerily silent. In the hallways, framed pictures of the happy family glared like daggers in his back. Leo shivered. Once more, he is not welcome here.

And in bed that night, over his emotions and back to numbness, even Leo recognizes that is going to bring a whole new wave of changes.

The only question left is, will he overcome them?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you common school names generator for giving me the easiest to remember high school names ever because god knows my memory cant take another hit.
> 
> also i am very sure my brain stole the “filthy mongrel” part from another work, i just can’t remember which one.
> 
> Tell me what you think in the comments and i’ll be back with another chapter soon! 🖤🖤
> 
> (in case you didnt do math, Esperanza was 24 when she left Venezuela. Louise was half a year older than her.)


	3. yo no habla ingles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And once again, Leo starts anew. Welcome to Northride High School.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear to fuxk this website messes with my line spacing. is it too much space?? too little? i. dont. know. anymore. 
> 
> totally unrelated but i forgot pepsi was a soda. howwwww did i forget that. i dont know. i dontttr knowwww.
> 
> warnings: none :)

_ the tentative swallow flits _

_ not because it wants to _

_ it has no place to rest his sore feet _

* * *

It was the morning after his night of pouting that Leo realized he had gotten too comfortable.

He can’t believe he made a scene about changing schools, he never stays in one place for long enough for it to matter anyways. It was bound to happen. Leo knows that change is imminent, and trying to go against it is useless. On the streets, you either roll with the punches or you don’t make it. Simple choice. 

Leo sat up in his bed thinking about his old days; being on the run, playing cat and mouse with police and authorities, sleeping on park benches, and taking showers by sneaking into the showers at local gyms. 

Leo spent a lot of his childhood and teenage years homeless. The cold bites different out there, alone but not really, where the streetlight is the only illumination to what’s lurking in the dark. Out there you make friends but don’t learn too much about them, make enemies and you stay away from em’. 

He’s been the dirt people walk on, the body beside the dumpster people stay away from. And despite how much you try to hike away from it, going from city to city everyday until your shoes rip and your feet bleed, the loneliness stays the same. The only part of the streets you can rely on, how ironic.

Leo is used to pickpocketing hurried business men on the street; not sleeping in comfy beds and eating full meals.

Yep, he definetly got too comfortable.

_‘It’s literally just a school’,_ he has to remind himself. New people, new place, new rules, same old routine. 

_ (Head down, eyes straightforward, don’t talk to anyone unless you need to) _

He can do this. (He tells himself that, yet he doesn’t text Piper to update her on his situation)

It was about 7:00 am now, he could get a shower in and get dressed with time to spare. He makes sure to wash his hair and face for once. Face flashing to and back from his younger grimy, hazy-eyed face to the present day clean one.

There was not many options for clothes. (Leo would rather kill himself than wear straight-leg khaki church pants) So the boy decided on a plain black hoodie, his own pair of straight leg jeans which were torn (and a little burnt) in multiple places, and a pair of dirty torn black chucks that he had to superglue the soles to keep them from falling out.

Leo rolled up the too-long pants leg a couple times so it didn’t look  completely stupid and shoved his phone into his back pocket (which could never hold change because of the quarter-sized hole on the seam). Into his shoes, he slipped a small pocket knife in the canvas and stowed ten dollars underneath the sole.

Leo supposes he didn’t look like a complete homeless person, and he can’t believe he’s saying this, but, thank Melissa for the black hoodie. It’s one of the few pieces of clothing he doesn’t despise.

_(Jesus, what am i fuckin’ saying....I got clothing preferences now? ~~weak~~ )_

Personally, Leo would like to avoid any and all contact with the McKinney’s if possible. So, he decided to hole away in his room until it was time to leave.

This dream was crushed by the door being creeped open by a tentative looking Mellissa. She peeked her head in.

“Leo?”

“Yeah...?”

There was a pause from behind the door.  “May I come in?”

Leo rolled his eyes but told her yes and she sat down on the bed next to him. Mellissa was looking at him like he was a ticking time bomb. Leo resisted the urge to drag his hand down his face. His eyes felt unnecessarily dry.

“About the other night—” She began, but he cut her off. Leo already knew what she was going to say.

“Yeah, sorry bout’ that. I, um, got angry and I shouldn’t have. Please, don’t contact Martin though, it will just be added to my file.” Leo toyed with one of his curls.

Mr. Martin was his assigned case worker since he was twelve, the man was...exasperated with Leo to say the least.

He sees Leo a dozen more times than any of his other cases, and is responsible for his endeavors and shenanigans. If there was any question about something with Leo, it gets directed to Mr. Martin.

Leo accidentally lit one of the curtains on fire? Mr. Martin. 

Leo caught smoking weed in the community bathroom?  Mr. Martin. 

Leo conned a bunch of other little orphans into thinking nickels were worth more than quarters and proceeded to trade change with them until _somehow_ he managed to accumulate  $23.75 in quarters? _Mr. Martin._

Point was, Mr. Martin had to put up with a lot of Leo’s shit. Which most of it he got away for because the social worker also knew of the boy’s difficult childhood and resulting problems, but still.

They had a weird bond. Like Leo was this tiny, ever-so persistent parasite on Mr.Martin’s back that he just  _couldn’t get rid of _ no matter how  _hard he tries_ but also if someone ever tried to hurt the parasite  _he would kill them_. 

And so even if the incident had been reported, it would just be more paper work on his social worker’s back. Plus, he wasn’t supposed to get upset like that. 

He thought Mrs. Mckinney would be pleased with his answer, it was the closest thing to an apology she was getting, but instead she frowned and her eyebrows knit together.

“I actually came to say sorry.” And _wow_ , wasn’t expecting that.

“I....I should have told you sooner about the school change. It was too big for such short notice. I don’t know what I was thinking....I hope you give the school a try, y’know? It’s a good school, I’m hoping it will be the change you need.” Melissa nodded to herself solemnly. 

Leo opened his mouth. Then closed it.

_(Why is she apologizing to me?)_

He mentally scoffed, as if some good-goody school was going to make him Buddha.

“Jake is also sorry, too. He should not have yelled like that over our _nice_ family dinner.” She added, sounding pressed at the last bit.

_ (If he’s so sorry, why isn’t he here telling me himself?) _

* * *

Leo was the last to be dropped off at school. 

Originally he would have taken the bus, but Melissa said there was confusion with bus slips and paperwork so she’ll probably just drive him there for the first week or so. He was actually glad because busses usually sucked ass, too many loud annoying kids and too little seats to occupy them. Last bus he rode on they were packed together three for a bench, when normally it would be one or two.

Northride was.... _not Leo’s norm._

His mom would have liked this campus. It was big with lots of windows, the walls were white and looked freshly painted, there was a big American flag out on the field. 

It was the rich kids school.

Leo must have looked like an idiot, mouth agape and eyes blown wide at the gum-free sidewalks and colorfully painted parking spots. _Hell_ , he might’ve slept on the benches if he was still homeless.

He must’ve been staring for a while because he felt someone tap on his shoulder.

“Um, are you okay...?”

Leo whipped around and came face to face with a curly-haired brown girl. _(Huh, thought everyone here was white)_

He sputtered out a response “Oh- _uh_ , yeah, i’m good. Just, this.” he gestured to the whole school.

She gave him a weird look and tucked her hair behind her ear, her hands were partially covered by the sleeves of a ribbed lavender sweater.  “I mean, I know its our first day, buts its not like you haven’t seen the school before. We all took the tour.”

Leo’s mind did a mental backflip. What tour? He literally only found out he was going here like twelve hours ago. 

“ _What you mean by—_ Wait, how the hell did you know this was my first day?”

Her face scrunched up. She had really pretty amber eyes.

“We’re freshman...?”

_Andddddd_ then it hit him. _Oh for fucks sake he’s been here for three minutes-_

“I’m a junior.” Leo deadpanned. The girl’s eyes widened into saucers and she covered her mouth with her sweater-clad hand. (Her nails were also purple? like, the exact same shade as her sweater? how did she—)

“ _Oh my goodness!_ I am so sorry! I didn’t know you were my upperclassmen.” She bowed her head down at him and Leo’s brain is going absolutely fucking _yonkers_ why is she acting like an anime protagonist?? _What. is. happening??_

“wha-?”

The freshman girl starts spewing words out as if he was going to slap her for assuming he was a freshman. Its not her fault he was short, Leo had already pinned that one fully on God.

“I really didn’t mean it! I’m not trying to be mean its just _you’re so—_ you’re kinda- _I’m sorry!”_

And okayyy he needed to shut this situation down immediately. People were starting to stare. 

“It’s okay! It’s okay. Just stop shouting.”

She looked up at him, eyes filled with disbelief.

“Really?” she said.

“Really. I’m gonna dip now-“

“Wait if you aren’t a freshman, then why did you say it was your first day?” She questioned,  Leo really wanted to squish this freshie’s head.

“I just transferred. From Southwest.” He cringed at his own words. He had a feeling he would be saying that a lot today. 

That caused her to reassess Leo, she looked at him differently now. He half-expected her to run away screaming because if her response to Leo being a junior was so intense then she must be really fazed now, but she just smiled at him.

“Oh.”

Then, she readjusted her backpack and looked back up at the junior. “Well, the bell’s about to ring. I’m going to get a head-start to class, you should too.”

She all but skipped away, looking back to shout out an “By the way, my name is Hazel!”  and proceeded forward with endless pep in her step, light brown curls bouncing along for the ride.

The boy had to take a moment and clear his head after that. That girl was a spaz.  Pretty though, he thought, remembering her mocha skin and dimple embellished smile. 

Hazel.

He almost felt a need to spite her get-to-class encouragement by waiting the bell out till he was late, there’s no way they could give him detention on the first day. 

But instead he just sighed and walked through the gate, unable to summon the effort needed for said spite. He’s only alive only out of spite at this point, there’s none left for school late bells.

It felt wrong not going through metal detectors before making his way into the hallway. In a weird way, he felt remorse for the loss. There were no police officers eyeing you when you walk in, just a sea of blonde people and Fjallraven Kanken backpacks.

Leo felt guilty knowing that just miles away the metal detectors he had stepped through hundreds of times were missing him. 

_Where’s Leo?_ they would say. And then the resource officer would pat their little metal detector heads and say _“He didn’t make it this year. The whites they....they got him.”_ And the the whole school would cry and throw a memorial to commemorate him. 

(Uh-huh....anyways—)

Leo couldn’t find his class. He supposed to be in building 9, room 204, but somehow after getting past building 8 he ended up at building 4? It was confusing. The bell rung and so it turns out Leo didn’t even need spite to be late.

He ends up getting directions from a nerdy looking kid making his way downstairs.

_ (“Keep going down the hallway for two lefts and it should be the third door down.”) _

The latino gets to a door and reads the sign;

_ Mr. Balentine _

_ room: 9-204-2 _

The door is unlocked and he pulls it open, cutting off whatever the teacher was introducing. He stepped in and saw he was being looked at like a spectacle by about fifteen other kids. Mr. Balentine is a big man, pudgy around the sides with a bald head, mustache, and beady eyes. He frowns at Leo.

“And you would be our new student, am I correct? Mr.... _Valdez_? I believe?”

Leo just nodded.

“It’s okay that you’re late. First day and all... Why don’t you introduce yourself to the class?” The teacher said, gesturing for the boy to move to the front center of the room. 

Leo looked out at the curious students in front of him, replaying the many times he had been in this situation.

And then, something clicked. An idea was born.

He stared blankly at the bald-headed teacher and then at his peers, and said;

“ _Um_ , yo no habla inglés. lo siento.” 

He had to fight the urge to grin as surprised faces blinked back at him. Mr. Balentine looked flustered.

“Oh—well, um, why don’t you just take a seat then” he stuttered out. 

The boy strutted down the rows of desks, knowing of the stares burning into his back. He chose desk at the back and kicked back as the teacher started introducing his class—physics—again. 

ten minutes in and a whisper shook him out of his daydreams, it was in spanish.

“¿Te acabas de mudar a América, o algo así?

(Did you just move to America or something? 

“Soy Lucy, mi familia es de New Mexico.”

(I’m Lucy, my families’ from New Mexico.)

The girl who talked to him looked of Mexican decent, her black hair was in a messy bun and she wore a champion hoodie. Her Spanish whispering caused some heads to turn, but other than that no one was paying attention to them.

Leo felt a wolf grin spread over his face.

“Ay, no.” he giggled. “Nos mudamos aquí hace mucho tiempo. Venezuela. Solo estoy fingiendo, así que no tengo que trabajar.” 

(no/ we moved here a long time ago. Venezuela. i’m just pretending so i dont have to work.)

Realization warped over Lucy’s face and she grinned at the shenanigan. The girl leaned back in her chair. 

“¿Cuánto tiempo hasta que él sepa, crees?” 

(How long until he notices do you think?)

Leo made an ‘eh’ gesture with his hand. “Te apuesto que podría tener....un semana.” he said. 

(I bet i could get a week)

He’s so glad none of the other kids could speak spanish.

“Buena suerte. Truco el diablo blanco.” she said and turned back to her work. 

(Good luck. Trick the white devil.)

Leo enjoyed the fruits of his (non) labor as much as he could while also ignoring the numerous incoming texts filling up his inbox. Each message pitting guilt into his stomach.

_ Monday, 10:34 am: _

**pipeheehee:** dude where are u

**pipeheehee:** L E O 

** pipeheehee ** **:** why arent you answering ur phone poopie hed :)))

** pipeheehee ** **:** are you okay? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aha ha. 
> 
> can you tell i slept my way through spanish.
> 
> k bye.


	4. kiss me now, mr. blond coffee angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Piper is fed up with Leo’s shit. Rachel takes her to get coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wack shit time !! i repeat, wack shit t i m e
> 
> warnings: none :)

_ cant you see that i care? _

_ i unwrap my bleeding heart _

_ to place it in your palms _

_ i exhale my life  _

_ for you to breathe in  _

_ but  _

_ you  _

_ wont _

_ _

_ _

_ do the same. _

* * *

Piper wasn’t sure  where Leo was, or  what he was doing, but if it wasn’t of utmost importance that boy is dead meat when she gets her claws on him.  _dead meat._

She texted him throughout the entire school day trying to figure out where the fuck he was at and why he wasn’t answering her texts. It’s the _first day of school_ for Christ’s sake! You can’t just skip the _first fucking day!_

It was so like him to just drop her like this. What had she expected.

Today should have been a day for reconnecting with friends from last year and making an impression of her teachers, but _noooOoooo_ she can’t do that because she was too busy pestering everyone about Leo. Who, _by the way_ , nobody knew the whereabouts of. Not even Amad, who literally _always_ knows where _everyone_ is.

She feels like a fool. 

Piper expresses all this to Rachel as they’re walking back to the parking lot, an hour or so after school ended. Her and Rachel often hung out at the artroom afterschool to work on projects; Rachel’s paintings and Piper’s clothing designs. 

(Currently Rachel was working on a sick looking painting with green smoke and snake monsters, Piper was designing a black bodycon sweater dress)

The art teacher had been cool enough to let them and a few others stay late last year, and it eventually became routine. It was their official unofficial club. 

Leo sometimes joined them too, mostly just to fuck around or bother Piper, but he was still there at times. ( _Not that I care-)_

Piper threw her keys to the redhead who caught them single handedly and unlocked the SUV.

“—And it’s like, I never blow him off, so _why_ does he do it to me? I mean, love him death, but Leo is such an asshole sometimes.” 

The ranting girl got in the car and shut the passengers side door harshly. It was Piper’s car, but Rachel drove most of the time. 

“ _Sometimes_?” Rachel revved the engine to life. “He’s usually a dickwad 24/7. _Do you remember San Fran?_ S’not like him to just ignore you though. You guys are practically married, no offense.”

Piper snorted and buckled her seat belt. A little late considering they were already on the road.  “No way. Married couples are boring. Plus I literally just drove him and his new little kid friend things a week ago.” She pulled up her knees despite the skirt she was wearing and rested her head against the seat.

“.... _little kid things?_ ” Rachel questioned

“They’re his new foster siblings,  I think. A twelve year old girl and an annoying fourteen year old boy.”

Rachel raised her eyebrows at that. The car moved a little faster.  “He has a new foster? I didn’t know if they were going to even let him do that regularly anymore....Could that be the reason?” She said.

“I don’t fuckin’ know man! It’s still not an excuse to ignore my messages. I’ve been texting him since last night. Guess what? _Nada_.” 

Piper didn’t mean to raise her voice, she was just....angry. It was typical....so typical....

“Does he not have a single braincell left from all the _stupid pills_ he takes to text me back? _shit_.” She ends with a big breath.

The car swerved left suddenly and Rachel made a sharp U-turn.

“ _Rach_! What the fuck are you doing?!” Piper screeched. “Were in the middle of the road!

She didn’t pay mind to the panic in the Piper’s voice and continued to backtrack down the road they had been driving on.

“I’ve heard enough, girlfriend. We’re getting coffee and that is  _final_ .” She replied, her voice holding assertiveness. Rachel was a calm minded person, except when someone has messed with her friends. Then its game over.

Piper harrumphed and turtled into the jacket she had on; a gray fleece quarter-zip she cropped herself. She was dressed up a lot more than usual in her short black skirt and cropped jacket. She even wore her hair down in waves and put in earrings. Piper called it the _‘classy bitch’_ style. Normally, she sludges to school in sweatpants and slides. Piper basically threw all her willpower at picking a cute outfit for her first day back, not that it was much will power. Too bad her favorite person wasn’t here to hype her up about it. (I mean, not that she cares—)

Piper was still sad by the time Rachel pulled into starbucks, she whined at the other girl to go through the drive-thru but the stubborn redhead insisted that they go in. According to Rachel, Piper was quote-on-quote _‘dressed to slay, we are getting_ _ coffee and we are doing it in style goddamit.’_

Piper dragged her feet while trekking through the parking lot but quickly stopped when the red head sent her a killer glare. It read _‘suck it up buttercup, I will face assault charges if it means getting you in this café’._

Piper isn’t going to argue with that.

Even through her moping, She figured that making a few boys head turn would cheer her up. At least she was good at that.

(kind of.)

The pair entere the café and got in line. Piper frowns at the lack of men, but what would she expect from Starbucks anyway? Half of the few here were probably gay anyway. Piper figures this would be a good time to be gay, the girls in here are gorgeous. She nearly sobs. _(The fact that i like men proves that sexuality isn’t a choice, why would i_ choose _to be attracted to that—)_

She already knew what she wanted to order, but for some reason Rachel jabs her in guts and motions towards the register. It’s not their turn to go yet, so why would she—

and then she sees it. 

A tall muscular blonde starts taking the order of the lady in front of them, he looked like a teen around their age. Crystal blue eyes and big nerdy glasses,

He was so Piper’s type.

Even as the lady in front of them obnoxiously orders an almond milk latte with too many complications the blond smiles and talks animatedly. 

Rachel grins at her. He was like.... _He was like a beautiful sun-kissed coffee god, with perfect skin....and sparkly white wings that came down from the heavens..._.or something. 

“Go get him.” she whispered.

Piper sauntered up to the counter, head held high and hips swaying. The beautiful coffee angel smiled at her. Piper thinks some of her heart melted away.

“Hi, welcome to Starbucks! What can I get you ladies today?” He said.

Piper pretended to look over the menu. “Hmm....I don’t know. Do you have any recommendations?” she smiled cheekily at him.  He smiled back. There was lots of smiling going on.

“Something sweet? or are you more of a ‘ _i like it bitter_ ’ type of gal?” He said _‘gal’_ and not _‘gals’_ , even though Rachel was there. Excellent....

(she would have cackled maniacally, but like, then he would think she was weird. Inside cackles, Piper. _Inside cackles_ __._ ) _

“I’m a sucker for something sweet.” Piper replied. She actually liked both kinds but now is not the time for deliberations. There is a mission at hand.  _A. Mission . _

“Well, a mocha frappe is always good?”

“Sounds delicious.”

A coworker, a young black teen with gold earrings, glanced back at their interaction frequently.

“Alright. Anything else—Oh, I’m sorry! You’re ordering too, right?” Jason gestured to where the Rachel was standing, watching the exchange with a devilish smirk. 

“S’ no problem, hon. I’ll take a viente caramel macchiato please.” The redhead ordered. Jason rang up the order and turned to get started on the coffees. 

Soon enough, the barista called out Piper’s name and the two girls retrieved their drinks. Piper took a sip from the chocolatey frappechino, peering up at Jason flirtatiously before sauntering out of café.

* * *

Jason stared at the one girl, Piper, as she walked out the door, hips swaying just right....she was mesmerizing. He _mayyyyy_ have also been staring at her ass. _just a lil’._

His coworker Robbie slapped him with a towel. 

“ _Dude!_ She was totally into you! God, you’re as smooth as gravel.” Robby bursted out, he had to wait a while to say that. 

Jason stared at him dumbfounded, looking scarily parralel to the confused pikachu meme. “What? She was? I thought....”

“Jason, man, you are helpless.”

* * *

Later that day, Piper came home to her empty house. The halls were quiet again as she made her way to her room. Just like every night.

Her dad must be out working late again, there’s no food left for her, and no note. Piper sighs and traces her finger along the edges of the marble countertops.

She checked her phone again, there were messages from other people, but, she only cared about one of them and—

Leo hadn’t texted back yet. 

Her messages were still on delivered, she’s wondering if maybe he hasn’t seen them yet. Maybe his foster parents took his phone away? God, what did Leo do this time to induce that....

Piper knew that Leo didn’t have the best life, it was apparent to her even when they first met in freshman year. (Leo wasn’t always this comfortable with touch, let’s just say that.) But he was fun to be around, unpredictable with a mean streak. They became good friends almost immediately. Together they goofed around and raised hell the whole year, gathering other friends along the way.

It neared the end of the year when Leo finally opened up to her. She learned about his mother, his family back in South America, how he’d been placed in foster care. He thought Piper was going to leave him then, but she stayed. They’ve been inseparable ever since.

Of course, some things she already knew. The girl had looked up her friends name in public records, where she found his, uh, _criminal records_ and even a couple articles about him and other kids. She knew about the dirt early on, and the guilt never left her for that.

Piper felt like her heart had caved in, and she hated that. When did she get so dependent on this person? All of these friends and still only some feel real. Tangible. She didn’t want to look at her phone, or watch tv, or eat or....She didn’t want any of her normal distractions.

It was all so empty. This whole damn city and still nothing she wants. For a while now, the Cherokee girl had felt like she was thrusting her hand out in the world, grasping for something, just to draw back with nothing but empty air.

Piper went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> working from pipers pov is a godsend amen


	5. smoke you away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a bad high can open your eyes, sometimes it can’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: drug use, child abuse, emotional abuse

_ rebirth, _

_ refresh, _

_ forget. _

_ i hit restart again. _

* * *

The next couple of days went okay.

Melissa scheduled therapy for Leo three days straight after the  _‘Northride fiasco’,_ as she called it, which he swore he didn’t need but she made the appointments anyway. It always left a pit of guilt in his stomach when he took someone’s time that could have been put to better use. 

School went relatively well; Leo didn’t talk to anyone, nobody talked to Leo. That may have to do with the fact that everyone thought he was foreign and only spoke Spanish, but eh.

He still hasn’t answered the texts from Piper.

His brain is trying cover up the fact that inevitably he will have to reply by convincing him that  _she doesn’t exist right now_ and  _everything will be fine._ (Spoiler alert: it wont, leo knows you dont just  ignore piper)

On the fourth day of school is when he finally let his foreign-student cover slip.

It was during gym, a class where he hadn’t needed to introduce himself and didn’t have to talk to anyone, so technically the cover wasn’t really up, but again, _eh_. It sounded dramatic and thats really all he needs.

Coach Hedge told everyone to get in pairs and practice volleyball tosses. Leo expected just tostick it to the other guy who didn’t get picked but a pair of legs came into view where he was sitting on the concrete. 

Huh, those weren’t there before.

Looking up, there was a tall blond guy looking at Leo. He had a volleyball tucked underneath one arm. Leo got up and turned to question him but the blond beat him to the punch.

“Hey, will you be my partner for the volleyball tosses? I’m Jason.” Jason’s eyebrows knitted together as if he was sure Leo was going to say no. 

The curly haired boy looked confused. “Um, yeah, I guess. Sure?” he said, unsure if this was a prank or something. He had watched the other boy at gym, he had plenty if friends to practice volleyball with, yet here he was. Maybe....he’s just trying to be... _n-nice?_ The word felt weird on Leo’s tongue.

The blond smiled at him and they started hitting the ball back and forth, sun shining down and leaving sweat on their backs.

It didn’t work extremely well, considering the ball was a little deflated, Jason was left-handed, and Leo was short, but they made do. 

Leo went to retrieve a fly-away ball on Jason’s side and paused when he reached the other boy. “Why are you practicing with me, anyways? Don’t you have a million friends to do this with?” He asked.

The blond’s face went pink and he pushed up his glasses. “Oh well, I could have. But I think you’re new and I wanted to be your friend...? God, thats sounds weird. Sorry” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. Jason’s hair was spiky with sweat.

“Nah, it’s alright. Just was a lil’ confused, y’know?” Leo looked around, there was only a few other pairs still playing volleyball. “Let’s ditch this volleyball shit, though. Coach ain’t looking.”

Jason nodded and they started walking around the track telling stories and making jokes about Hedge or Jason’s Keds. _(I mean who the actual fuck wears_ _ keds? Somebody come get their mans.)_

In just one period of gym Leo learned that Jason was also a Junior  (he looked shocked when Leo told him they were in the same grade), President of the TSA club, and an avid watcher of marvel films.

_ (“ahh, a superman hoe are you?” _

_“I’m not a hoe for fucking Superman. He’s allergic to space rock .”_

_ “And you’re lactose intolerant, what’s the difference? Mister brought-to-my-knees-by-a-cheesestick.” _

_ “Literally everything. Everything is a difference.” _

_“ Nuh-uh . You’re both blondies. I’m starting to think you  are Superman, no cap.”)_

Leo didn’t tell him anything about his background or why he was at Northride, but he did tell him unimportant stuff. He told Jason that he likes cars  (mostly taking them apart but whatever—), eating those disgustingly calorie-loaded cookie dough flautas from Tijuana Flats, and watching Alton Brown’s Cutthroat Kitchen.

The Gym period felt like it ended earlier than it should have when Coach Hedge blew the whistle. Jason and Leo giggled all the way to the locker rooms about what it must be like to  _‘tell a fortune by rubbing Coach’s bald head like a crystal ball __’_ and bringing up that Jason doesn’t even get the right to talk about baldness because  _‘he’s white and will probably bald by his forties’._

They, simply put, were vibing. And so Leo supposes the people here aren’t that bad.

(he can’t deny he misses the hood rats from his school. They were one big problematic clusterfuck, but at least they were.....nope, that described them pretty well. but he  _loved_ that clusterfuck, goddammit.)

* * *

_ Email to Principle Chiron, from Mr Balentine. sent on 9/14, 2:43 pm: _

Principle Chiron,

It has come to my attention that one of my students is not fluent in English. The new one, Leo Valdez? I was hoping to talk to you about placing him in an ESL?

Mr. Balentine

* * *

A couple more class periods of doing absolutely nothing and Leo was on the bus to go the house. He didn’t know anybody on the bus, of course.

But he did love people watching, and so with some hip-hop bumping in one ear and the other earphone hanging down, he was able to create a stable form of entertainment by listening and observing the high schoolers around him.

(His mother used to say people watching was her favorite hobby. She would teach him how to read people’s lives at a distance, making it a fun game to play when he was little. they often narrated stories about people; The old lady buying cat food was actually a government spy in disguise and the fast paced businessman was an alien from outer space.)

When he gets on he notices the big ROTC guy that sits in the front of the bus, who was intimidating with his size, but probably  ~~never had to fight ~~ didn’t have the balls to fight.

He sometimes watched the mean looking blonde who sits in the middle, always either reading or on her phone. She gives him cold stares when he walks on the bus, making it known that he does not belong here. As if he wasn’t the most aware of that fact. Honestly, Leo thinks he would have a better chance at fighting the ROTC-tubby than her. 

The boy looks straight ahead as he walks down the bus aisle to his seat in the back. 

People watching only kept him and his ADHD satisfied for so long, after that he finds himself leaning against the bus window to maybe catch a nap despite the constant shaking of the glass. He wonders if his Mom taught him to people watch as a coping mechanism for his disorder. Huh.

Leo gets of at his bus stop and walks to the park in the neighborhood. There’s no kids there, they’re probably too busy playing nintendo switches with thumbs up their asses to play outside. He finds that he doesn’t care that much about it though, better for him there were no watchful eyes anyways. Leo positions himself in the slide and out of sight.

He flicks out an orange lighter from the side of his shoe and takes out an old scratched up metal water bottle from the backpack Mellissa gave him. Inside, he rips out a plastic baggie taped to the inside, A.K.A, his secret weed stash. What he really needed were some vikes, but this would hold him over.

He smoked away almost an hour.

The time was 4:43, he figured he better get back to the house before his fosters get home (around 5:30, 9-5 jobs suck). he stubbed out the blunt on the rubber of the playground platform and threw the end piece in his water bottle. 

Not five minutes in to walking back, Leo supposes  _mayybeee_ he should have taken a _few less hits._

The high was hitting late and strong. He floats down the street and through the front door all the way to his bedroom, a ghost in the wind, where he can only fall back on his bed and lay still. 

_ (Wowwww....Fuck. The ceiling...so white. Wait, how is white even made. bro. its like...all the colors and shit.....wow....) _

He rolls over to check the time, because  _like hell he was going to get up_ , and boops his nose on the phone screen to wake it up. 

_ 5:03 _

He figures thats enough time to get a shower and throw some eye drops in, just....for some reason Leo’s eyes felt so _heavy_ and the bed was so _comfortable_....

( _There’s time for a little nap...yeah... they won’t be home immediately....)_

.....

..........

..

.......................

.........

Leo blinks awake.  His phone reads 6:08. S’ not important...He closes his eyes again....

And then snaps them right the fuck back open.

_ (god fucking dammit why do i always do this myself—) _

Leo bolts out of bed and to the his window overlooking the driveway. Down below, mini versions of Melissa and Jake are carrying bags of groceries inside the house. 

Cursing under his breath Leo run down the hall, shouldering Colin roughly in the process.

“Hey! I’m trying to walk—“

He doesn’t pay any mind, just dashes into the shower and throws the shower head on and forgetting to turn it to hot, causing him to flinch back like a wet cat when the ice cold water rains down mercilessly. 

He’s still so high he can barely think.

The boy does a quick scrub down of his own body, amounting to a measly five minute shower, towels off and turns to head out. (Thankfully, the water snaps him back a bit) Before he does so, he catches sight of Hannah’s perfume, a clear pink bottle with a strawberry cap.Leo sighs.

_ (fuck it, why not) _

He spritzed it three times on his chest neck and arms and holds his breath when the sickeningly sweet smell of _‘strawberries’_ assaults his nose. God, this is what we’ve come to.

He makes his way to his room and closes the door.  _Mission complete fuckers._

And _wow wow wowwww_ he can’t find his _eyedropssss_. Leo can feel his heart beating out of his chest and he looks down at his hands and realizes that he cant control them, theyre shaking and Leo doesn’t _like_ that they’re shaking and the only way to fix this is to jump away from them on the count of:

_ one...._

_ two.... _

_ three...! _

Leo holds back a yelp as he lands flat on his ass. He doesn’t know why he imagined himself back flipping away? Groaning, he worms himself back into bed and lets his face sink into the pillows. 

Ten minutes later and Leo was trying to tell the lights to _shut up_ because its _too damn bright_ to sleep off this high—

“...Leo? Who are you talking to?” Mellisa scrunches her too-thin eyebrows together at him.

Leo almost goes into cardiac arrest trying to sit up. His skin feels too hot all the sudden.

“Nothing!” he yelps. “I’m talking to nothing—uh, I mean nobody.” Leo mentally facepalms himself.  _(great, you had one job— )_

The concerned woman takes in Leo’s appearance and previous situation, head in a pillow and red eyes, and rushed over.

“Oh Leo! Have you been crying? What happened?” And all the sudden she’s holding him and cooing to him like he was a lost puppy with only three legs. 

“I wasn’t crying, i uh, got something in my eye...”

Melissa did not look convinced, but she relented. She patted him on the back.  “Well, if you’re up for it, dinners ready downstairs. I made a nice honey ham and green beans and mashed potatoes—“ shes cut off by a angry yell from downstairs;

“ _MELISSAAA_!!” Jake’s voice racketed upstairs, making Leo jump. “GET DOWN HERE! AND BRING LEO!”

Leo stares down at his hands and Melissa quirks her head towards him. She grabs his hand and guides him off the bed. 

Downstairs, his foster father was pacing the floor like a bull, his face red and twisted. “I _told you_ this would happen! This is what happens when you—you bring _heathenous delinquents_ into our house! I can’t believe this...”

Melissa hurries over to her husband and massages his shoulders, trying to plactate him. “Now, I’m sure we could work this out....” She laughed nervously. “Just tell me whats wrong.”

Jake points a finger at Leo. “ _Him!_ He’s whats wrong!” Leo’s fingers twinge at the words. “I just got an email from the _Principle_ of Northridge. He says that Leo wasn’t doing his work in class. _You wanna know_ _ why_ ? Because he was pretending like he didn’t know  _friggin’ English!”_

Melissa turns towards the boy in question. “Is this true, Leo?”

He shrugged. “It’s not a big deal, i can just go in next week—“

“Oh it’s a big deal, Leo . We payed money to get you into that school so you could turn your life around but you refuse! _you refuse!_ ” Jake was laughing incredulously to himself, throwing his hands up in the air. 

The man lunges towards Leo, like he’s about strike, and the boy flinches back. That causes Jake to rethink and he retreats, flopping down on the couch and running a hand down his face. He shook his head, looking more stressed than angry then.

“Jesus Christ...”

“Do not take the Lord’s name in vain—“

“ _I know, Melissa_....I know....” 

His foster father looked Leo dead in the eye. “Look, I think I can smooth it over with the Principle. But you can’t be doing this anymore, life has been hard on you, but it’s time to grow up”, Jake paused and his lips set into a firm, grim, line. “We are trying to help you not grow up to be some,” he spat the words, “ _degenerate disappointment_ , you just need to cooperate.”

Leo looks down at his lap. He’s not sure as to why he hasn’t been slapped yet. It’s always been that same cycle; 

you get into trouble you get hit, you talk back you get hit, you cry you get hit....

~~ 01010101010 ~~ ~~ listen to **me** ~~ ~~ 01010101010 ~~

.....!!!//—//!!!//(???).—...//

——.....

—

_(A boy stood in front of a pantry, his hands were shaking and he looked left and right before going on his tippy toes to reach something from the top shelf._

_his fingers brush against a loaf of bread._

_almost....got it..._

_ he strains to to reach the food, trying to hurry up, when suddenly a cockroach flies at him from the pantry. it was big, shiny brown with lots of legs and hair-like antennas. _

_ The boy jumped back and slipped, falling down to the floor with a yelp and he scrambled away from the gross bug. catching his breath, he froze when he heard movement from the next room.  _

_ panic seized his when a man stumbles out from the hallway._ _ He was big and burly, black greasy hair tied back behind his head.  _ _The man bounded towards the child and grabbed roughly him by his curls, yanking him to his feet, watching the child’s eyes widen and his body tense with fear. _

_ The child was Leo. _

_ Heavy breath fell on his neck, smelling like burnt whiskey. Leo’s foster father eyed the forgotten bread laying on the floor. _

_ “Who said you could fucking eat?!”  _

_ The man’s name was Isaac. He hit Leo’s head hard with the palm of his hand. _

_ “Answer me! Huh?! Who said?” _

_ Issac pushed the Leo away roughly and crouched on the floor where the roach was trying to squirm away. He picked it up by the legs. _

_ “Is this what scared you? This little bug right ere’?” _

_ Leo shook his head. _

_Without hesitation, his foster moved towards him and grabbed his head, he_ _struggled_ _against his grip, but the man just held him tighter, dangling the big roach in his face._

_ “Well if you’re so hungry go at it then! Come on, eat up!”  _

_ The bugs antenna’s were going crazy, legs squirming, it’s black eyes looking at Leo. He wanted to throw up. _

_ The younger Leo started to cry as the man attempted to force feed him the cockroach, smooshing into his face, but Leo kept his mouth glued shut. At one point, one of the bug’s legs came off and bounced off the boy’s tear-stained cheek.  _

“ _What? Is Leo scared of bugs, now? I thought you was hungry?”_

_At last, his reign came to an end and he dropped the dismembered bug back on the ground. He then slapped Leo across the face. Hard._

_“Next time, don’t go sneaking into my pantry. You don’t deserve food after what you did.”_ _Before he walked away, his foster father stepped on the dying roach, crushing it with_ _his shoe on the kitchen tile. It’s squished body leaking onto the floor._

_ Leo fell to the floor sobbing, teardrops pattering down in the wake of his foster, his cheeks stung to match the dull throb of a leftover bruise under his eye. _

_he ran to the bathroom to scrub his face raw, gagging into the toilet but nothing came up except black spots in his vision because ~~afterall he didn’t deserve to eat~~ —) _

Why didn’t Jake hit him? 

_ (he was going to....) _

“Hey kid, you  _comprende_ ? I need a response.” Jake snapped his fingers in front of the boy’s face.

Leo nodded, “Okay.” 

He seemed surprised that he agreed so willingly, but then again, Leo was stoned. 

After that, Melissa scurried to the kitchen to make tea for the two of them. Another thing about Melissa; she’s horribly addicted to tea. And coffee. And practically any caffeinated beverage you sit in front of her. Leo’s seen the face of an addict, and those eyes are the same. 

That being, she’s totally loaded in the tea apartment. Stock-piled in the pantry are boxes of English breakfast to chamomile-anise to Tomato mint. Why anyone would drink ‘ _Tomato mint’_ tea willingly is above him. 

In the midst of _‘trying-to-not-make-eye-contact-at-Jake-but-also-not-trying-to-be-a-pussy’,_ Leo found himself staring out the window. 

What he saw made him wish he had been in a staring contest with his foster father. 

Out in the driveway a certain blue charger pulled up and a person got out.

( _shit, shit, SHIT UH—)_

He ducked down below the couch so he wouldn’t be seen, Jake looked at him like he was crazy.

“What are you doing?” he asked, trying to see out to the driveway, “Is someone outside?”

“Don’t answer the door—“ Leo tried to warn him but got interrupted by the door bell.

His foster got up to answer and the boy whisper yelled at him but he opened it anyway and stopping Leo dead in his tracks at the doorway was—

Piper.

Leo’s heart stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’ve ever had a bad high you know that sometimes you do some really dumb dumb stuff (like try to jump away from your own hands lol) 
> 
> in leo’s case, you also get flashbacks to traumatic events that occurred in your childhood. very swag.


	6. are we still friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo and piper have a little talk in this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: none :)

_Are we still friends? (Is this the end?)_

_Are we still friends? (Need someone to say hi)_

_ Are we, are we, are we, are we still friends? _

_ (Can’t say goodbye, good, good, good, goodbye) _

_(are we still friends? -tyler, the creator)_

* * *

Piper has had enough of this stupid bitchass kid, he really thought he could ghost her. _In his dreams._

She’s standing outside his door right now, she can see lights on, and if she walks in and Leo isn’t being held hostage or kidnapped, he’s getting his ass whooped. Four fucking days she’s been on delivered.

The furious girl raps her knuckles across the wood and waits. The door swings open and reveals the surprised face of a middle aged man. He was tall and reasonably fit, probably goes to the gym twice a week. He had short grayish-brown hair that was well trimmed, his mouth opened with a small ‘O’.

Leo’s new foster father. 

“I’m sorry—who are you?” The man asked. Piper realized she had forgotten to introduce herself and has just been staring at him. 

“Um, My name’s Piper. I’m Leo’s friend, I just needed to see him so I dropped by. Can I come in?”

Piper made sure to be polite. The key to getting what you want is first impressions, Piper prides herself on it. Her best friend’s foster motioned for her to come in the house.

Piper scanned the mid-century home until her gaze she locked on to Leo, who was frozen still on the couch. He looked like a frigid little mouse in the exact millisecond it knows its going to be pounced on. She narrows her gaze. 

_ (Serves him right....) _

The two faced off from opposite sides of the room; Piper glaring with look of a predator, and Leo, wide-eyed and scared shitless. 

Jake stood in between them with his hands on his hips.

“So, who’s this lovely lady, Leo?” He wore a smug grin, “A girlfriend perhaps? _Wonder what you did to make her so—_ “

“ _Ew_ , _no_. Piper’s not—she’s not my girlfriend.” Leo’s face scrunched up as if he bit into a lemon. 

Piper cleared her throat. “We’re just friends. Friends that haven’t talked in quite a while, isn’t that right, Leo?”

The boy froze, as if remembering why she was here. Leo got up from the couch.

“Um—actually, I forgot something upstairs so i’m just gonna—“

Piper lunged over and grabbed his arm in a steel grip, ignoring the way he flinched at the action. 

“Actually, we need to talk” Piper gritted between her teeth, “If you don’t mind.”

Jake narrowed his eyes at them, but yielded. Piper grinned wolfishly and dragged Leo upstairs, he gave his foster father a terrified _‘what-have-you-done’_ look.

Leo led them the rest of the way since Piper wasn’t familiar with the house layout. He opened the door to a bathroom with a sink, bathtub, and light gray walls. The counter was scattered with toothbrushes and face washes. 

“Bathroom?”

“The walls are thin everywhere else.” Leo replied.

They were quiet for a moment, neither quite sure what to say.  In the span of their friendship, they never talked about real stuff. Piper didn’t mind that sort of conversation, but getting Leo to open up was like trying open a closed clam with only your pinky fingers. 

If it was Leo’s way, nobody would ever talk about anything real. Then he could keep all emotions to himself where they would be safe. 

Piper always had to initiate conversations about feelings or memories; from there she had about a thirty percent chance they wouldn’t get shut down immediately or ignored. Another thirty percent withheld the chance the exchange would last longer than a minute.

“So...”

“So.” Leo pulled at his fingers.

Piper rolled her eyes and leaned against the wall, “ _Sooo_ , Why were you ignoring me? And why aren’t you at school? You’ve been missing for a while, people are starting to talk.”

“Oh,” Leo looked up at her, “What are they saying?”

“Oh there are lots of theories,” Piper tapped her head as if thinking, “Quite a few think you overdosed....or dropped out. Some say you moved, ran away, _got abducted by aliens._ ” Piper added with a smile. She didn’t tell him about the group that joked he had _‘finally killed himself already’._

Brushing the memory away, Piper leaned forward.

“Which one is it? You’re not in a coma or abducted, so why aren’t you at school? Playing hooky the _whole_ first week? I know you just moved in with the most gullible fosters ever, but c’mon.”

She could see him clench his fist, not as if he was going to punch her, Piper knows that he does that so his nails press into his palm. A nervous tick, which means Leo’s agitated. (that’s good for Piper...He tends to blurt out more when he’s mad...)

“I switched schools. I got to Northride now.”

What. 

“What?”

The boy tugs on a curl of his hair, Piper watches as it bounces back like a spring.

“Look, it’d not my choice. The system let them switch my school cause’ it would be ‘good for me’. _I_ — I don’t want to go. I wanna stay with you guys....” He said meekly.

Piper feels her anger recede, melting away as she noticed how she had moved closer and closer to Leo, and how he had shrunken into the corner, forever trying to make himself the smallest thing in the room. Piper feels a weight sink in her stomach and she swallows dry, she had been too harsh...(again)....To the last person who needed it, life is harsh enough as it is without her extra abrasiveness.

“Oh....I’m sorry.” Piper takes a step back, “Still, why didn’t you text me? _God, Leo,_ I just wanted to know if you were okay.” 

Leo throws his hands up. “I-I don’t know okay? I just— It felt like starting over again, y’know? I’ve restarted so many times....I didn’t know what else to do.”

The pit in her stomach grows deeper. Is she just a small piece of his life? He felt so big in hers....

“So, you’re going to a new school....And that made you want to stop being friends with me....”

“ _No_! No I—“ Leo sucked in a breath a squint his eyes closed, hard. He didn’t say anything. His hands were balled into fists again and his knuckled were turning white. 

Piper reached out and took both his hands, Leo didn’t say anything. She unfurled his fingers and divulged the crescent-shaped indents on his skin. In some places the skin had split, almost enough to draw blood, but not quite.

Piper look onto Leo’s eyed as she was about to say something meaningful—

“—wait, _are you high?_ ”

Leo just stared at her blankly, mouth open a little. 

Piper bust out laughing. 

It was like in that exact moment the autricity of the situation hit her. All the anger, all the worry, the confusion. the hurt. And here they are. Piper wasn’t bitter suprisingly, it all felt so.... larger than life. 

Leo always felt so much larger than life. 

She used to ponder over the complexities of his actions, words....Piper forgot that he was just a kid, like her. A scared, confused, little kid. It was these moments that reminded her of that; Leo getting high in white suburbia, Leo wiping away tears when he thought nobody could see him, Leo spending the day with her building legos they bought at Walmart. 

In between her boughts of giggles she noticed he had started laughing too. Not the loud obnoxious laugh he used in school, or the laugh that sounds like a Clean-X bottle that emerges when he hangs out with Marquis and the boys. It was a laugh that was reserved specifically for Piper. She watched as his eyes squinted closed and he clutched his stomach. His Piper Laugh sounded like giggles, but uglier, with short wheezes connecting them. 

God she fucking missed this little brat.

It took more time than either of them wanted to admit to stop laughing. It wasn’t even funny anymore, but it was just one of those situations where one glance at the other and you lose it. 

Pipers stomach hurt afterwards, she didnt mind though. 

“ _Okay_ , Okay, seriously we need to stop,” Leo put his hands on his knees and drew in large breaths as if he climbed Mt. Everest. 

“Yeah, and why the fuck are we still in this bathroom? Like— _Oh my fucking god_ is that a _paw patrol toothbrush?_ ” The toothbrush sat innovently on the sink. Skye’s face smiled back at them.

Leo let out a pained laugh-like wheeze, “S-shut-shut up.” he stuttered.

* * *

Leo swung open the bathroom door and led her down the hall to what she assumed was his bedroom. There wasn’t much, white walls and plain furniture. His bed was a clumsy twin size with a thin blanket that looked as if it was stolen from a hotel closet.

“Hi, my names Leo, and Welcome to my crib.” He flopped onto the bed, it creaked angrily in response.

“Who are you? _Kimora Simmons?_ ” Piper took her spot on the end of the mattress, legs folded criss-cross applesauce.

“I am actually. Ask anyone” he says, sitting up briefly to grab his phone. (Still the shitty iphone 5 with a cracked screen that he’s had since they met)

Piper scoots her self sideways on the thin bed and lays diagonally. Leo rest his head half-way on her arm, long caramel curls splaying out on her upper body. 

(They bleached the top half late late at night on Leo’s birthday in her bathroom only one summer ago, but it felt like longer...)

Piper hums and tries to twiddle her socks off using only feet, it was not going exactly as planned. The socks only came a third of the way off and now the extra fabric is hangingoff her foot and making it look much longer than it should be. (Like, big wrinkly grinch feet...or bunny ears) She would laugh and comment something about why she’s _‘built like that’_ but Piper doesn’t think she obtains the ability to laugh anymore without hacking up a bloody lung. She asks Leo a question instead.

“Hey, do you still have my dab?” she questions the mop laying on her arm, looking down at him at an angle that must give her a wicked double-chin.

“Uhhhh, about that....”

Piper tilted her vack against the matress and let it flop down. “You lost it already?”

“Well, we don’t that for sure i would call it a _misplacement_ —“

“How did you even manage to lose it? _Broke ass!_ you own like three things!” she groaned. Leo giggled into his shoulder.

“Those things cost money bruh. And guess what i’m not made of? _mula._ ” She flicks him in the head. 

“Yeah but your Dad is.” Leo snickers.

“True, true.” 

They had just settled back into their silence when Leo tilted his head to look at her. 

“I’ll get it back to you. It won’t take that long to find.”

“I know you will.”

They sat in comfortable silence, soaking up a time where the two could be their true selves with company thats not them,  a sensation you don’t know you need before you go too long without it. Piper drew in the moment like a deep breath. Leo smelled like strawberries for some reason (?)

And when Piper got back in her car late that night, after she clicked the seat belt in and turned her keys, she realized something.

Piper hadn’t analyzed Leo at all in the second half of her visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear this is going somewhere shes just starting off a little slow 😳
> 
> also my piper obsession is getting worse. I transferred her powers of mind control (basically) in the og series to her being very manipulative, especially when she needs something (or in this case, interrogating Leo) But she’s trying to fix that part of her because she doesn’t like it. 
> 
> Summary: my bb is a manipulative ass bitch and i love her 😡
> 
> Also i literally finished this chapter so i could promote my new promt fic (motivation comes in many gorms okay):  
> but to chevk it out! its called ‘tomato sauce’ and i’m accepting a lot of prompts, and even little stories that can fit into this fic timeline too!


	7. everyone at my school is dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gym class just keeps getting more interesting, especially since Leo met a certain raven-haired someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> changing plot halfway through your series like 😁😁👍👍 everything is fine ☺️☺️ im not crying 👍

_ breathe out _

_ to myself and my eyes only _

_ a suple kiss like an apple trees last blossom _

_ into the night i cry _

_ is this not enough? _

_ do you push me into the ground _

_ until i feel no more _

_ dirt packed into my nose and rocks pressed into my eyes _

_ is this not enough? _

_ so drip your tears down my neck _

_ i wont feel them _

_ sweet pain sweeped your shadow _

_ is this not enough for you? _

_ bash my brains out  _

_ i love the rocks _

_ rise up rise up _

_ can you see? _

_ i dont know where im going  _

_ far away from your orchard _

_ i realize _

_ i will never enough for you _

_ so turn my back  _

_ i must flee _

* * *

_ Conversation heard at Sunday, 12:09 pm; The McKinney’s house: _

_ (“Are you seriously doubting me right now?! I’m your wife!” _

_ “No, no, of course not, baby. I just think that maybe next week might not be the best time is all....” _

_ “And why is that?” _

_ “....You’re going to go that route? I know you know Kate is announcing her baby next week.” _

_ “....” _

_ “And what about it? You thinks it’s the Lord’s will we all stop our day and—and get on our knees for some child to be born? Multiple things can happen at the same—“ _

_ “I’m just wondering when you are going to be done with her. I fear you start to obsess over her more than your loyalty to God.” _

_ “That’s not true and you know it. Everyone should have their time to shine on that stage, and it’s my turn, that’s all. I’m doing next week. Now God bless you and goodnight.”) _

* * *

Staring down at the still lump sprawled out on the dying grass, Leo wasn’t quite sure if the boy was dead or not.

Honestly, he’s sure everyone would be zombified this late into the school day, but the boy star-fished on the track field had taken ‘ i hate Monday’s’ to a whole different level. He was a white boy with poofy black hair (mussed with twigs and grass at the moment) dressed in usual gym uniform attire with the exception of a pair of black sunglasses that stared rebelliously straight to the sky. 

Jason prodded the sunglasses man’s ribs with his foot. “Hey, Nico, you okay there bud?”

No response.

“Um, You’re kind of cooking there a little bit. Are- _are you even conscious right now?_ Wait,  can you hear me-“

Suddenly the boy laying on the ground sat up and twisted his torso to glare at Jason. 

“I  wish I wasn’t conscious right now but i don’t think  _I can do that _ when you’re _talking at me_ —“ Then he saw Leo, his eyes widened. “Who’s this?” Nico lifted his sunglasses to narrow his eyes at the little tan boy beside Jason.

The blond scratched the back of his neck, a nervous habit, which was kind of gross since his neck was sweaty. Leo made a mental note to not touch Jason’s hands until they got back in the locker room.

“This is Leo, my friend in this class? The one I was telling you about?” Jason asked sheepishly, eyebrows quirking upwards like a cute puppy. 

Nico, as Leo learned learned, looked at him skeptically. Initially, Leo stood his ground and studied him back, but stopped when he noticed he was  very cute and/or attractive . Fluffy hair, black expressive eyebrows, _j_ _awline shaped by God,_ and Holy Jesus are those  _freckles?!_ Be still his beating heart. 

A second more of staring and then as if Nico flipped a switch he flicked his sunglasses down and resumed his starfish position in the field. Ok, so _definitely_ not into Leo, got it. 

Jason began to walk away, but Leo, in a act of defiance, stubbornly plopped himself on the ground and star-fished right next to the boy. Jason looked back, exhaustion with the latino present in his eyes, still, he dragged his way back to his friends.

Leo watched with a growing sense of horror as the sunglasses boy slowly,  _how very slowly_ , sat up and turned to look at him; killer glare surely hidden behind the shades over his eyes.

But, much to Leo and Jason’s surprise, He flicked his sunglasses up to reveal a shocked face and not an angry one. Leo got to notice how nice his espresso colored eyes were. 

“Um—“ He cleared his throat and looked to Jason, “Are we laying together then?”

Jason just looked at the ground despairingly and with a huff he clambered down to the ground with the rest of them. Leaning his weight on his hands, he looked at the grass with the eyes of a broken man.

“Do we have to sit in the grass? Why can’t you guys just sit on a bench like normal people, What if— _what if there’s_ _ bugs_ _?!”_ He whined, the blond’s eyes widened with realization as he frantically attempted to inspect the ground for insects.

“ _Awwww_ , is the big bad Jasey afraid of a  _wittle’ bug_ _?_ ” Leo cooed at his friend, who was still picking around the ground with growing disgust. Nico snickered beside him.

“ _Yes!_ I am afraid of the  ‘wittle bugs’ ”, he threw quotation around the phrase, “It’s gross, man. You guys’ probably crushed some when you laid down and their guts are smeared over your backs—“

“Yummy.” Nico quiped with a smile, still looking towards the sky.

“ _Jase_ , Jase. Just lay down with us, enjoy the- the fuckin’, uh, sky or somethin’. Lay down with us, Lay down with us,  _Lay down with us,”_

Nico joined in on the chant. “Lay down with us, _Lay down with us ,”_

_“Lay down with us,”_

_“Lay down with us,”_

_“Fuck the bugs, Lay down with us,”_

_“Lay down with us! Lay down with—!”_

Jason snapped. “FINE!” He flopped on his back, grimacing when his weight hit the ground, probably imagining all the little bug families he just killed. “You guys suck.”

Leo smiled. “Yeah, probably.”

Nico turned his head to look at him. “What grade are you in? Sophomore?”

“Junior.” 

The black haired boy raised his brows. “Were in the same grade. I think I may have seen you in my classes?”

“Oh” Leo quirked his head towards the boy, he thought he seemed familiar. “Balentine? second period?”

Nico’s mouth dropped open. “No. Fucking.  _Way._ Are you the kid who pretended to not know english?!”

“The  _who-now_ _?_ ” Jason said.

Leo smiled his viper smile. “Yeah, you didn’t recognize me?”

“I wasn’t there that day, I just heard stories.” Nico laughed, the first time he had heard him laugh, it was loud and kinda breathy, the kind that ends with a deep inhale. Nico had a nice laugh.

“ _You pretended to not know english?!”_ Jason piped again.

“Dude, he was so pissed! I’m guessing that means you’re also the student that transfered from SouthWest?”

“Yep.” Leo said, popping the ‘ _P_ ’.

“Nice.” 

They layer there the rest of the period, Nico on the left, Jason on the right, and Leo in the middle. The trio shared stories, like the obsession Jason had with trying to eat office supplies when he was a kid, Nico’s eighth grade emo phase (which he claimed he was lowkey still in), and Leo’s psycho second grade math teacher who used to ask her students their opinions on her failing marriage.

And when Coach Hedge blowed his whistle, signaling the end of the period, Leo was invited to their lunch table, since they all had B lunch. Leo was relieved to hear he wouldn’t have to sit alone again with the weird kids again, ya’ know, _like a bum ._

(He was also relieved to see Jason washing his hands after gym, faith in humanity restored.)

* * *

Jason’s lunch table was....fairly big. It took up about half a table and the seating arrangement was sporadic at best. On the far left was a blonde girl who was face planted into the table, hopefully sleeping. This marks the second time today he thought a student was dead. Then, it skipped two seats where an asian looking kid was sitting. It took Leo a moment to recognize him as the pudgy ROTC kid on his bus. 

From there Leo sat across from the two empty seats and Jason plopped down on his right, Nico on his left.

“Yo, Frank, this is Leo. He’s joining our table.” Nico called out, only the most low-effort introduction ever. Frank gave him a small wave. The blonde didn’t move an inch. 

“Uhh, is she okay...?” he gestured to the girl.

Jason began pulling out a black lunchbox from his backpack. “Nah, thats Annabeth. She’ll be fine, probably just studied all night or something.”

Leo doesn’t think he’s accumulated enought study hours to cover a whole night in his life.  _(And I’d like to keep it that way.)_

He was shook out of his thoughts by a cardboard tray plopping down onto the tables.

“What’s up, poopmeisters.” A black-haired guysat next to the blonde, Annabeth, and started digging through his backpack. He was fairly tall, well built, green eyes. Bro,  _his face._ No homo though.

Nico groaned at the black-haired guy’s introduction. “Can you please stop calling us that? It’s so weird.”

“Nope. I do what I want, and I like saying poopmeisters. It just rolls of the tongue,  _poopmeisters._ Ah.” 

Nico covers his face with his hand. ”Sorry, he’s weird. Percy you’re going to make him think were weird.” He said, voice strained. 

(Leo doesn’t mind actually. He and Piper call each other weird shit all the time, just to get reaction. His personal favorites have been ‘stupy nuu nuu’ and ‘baby eater’. So, yeah. He has literally no room to judge he casually calls his best friend baby eater.)

The boy takes in Leo’s appearance and quirks his head. “Oh yeah, who’s this? Why do we keep inviting freshies to the table?”

..........................

.........

....................

...

Leo lets his head drop to the table with a thud. He might just go jump off the school roof at this point. 

He can’t see anything but table, but he assumed Percy made a concerned face because he hears Nico say “He’s a junior.” followed by a quiet “ _ohhh_.  Sorry.”

He lifts his face back from the table and is about to ask Jason if he would donate some of his legs to him in surgery because Leo’s _sick of this shit—_

But a familiar girl with a familiar head of curls sits down and stops him. 

“ You!” She exclaims enthusiastically at the same time Leo gravelly says “ _You.”_

Hazel was the person who filled in the last gap at the table, turning to the side to give pudgy boy— Frank, a hug.

Frank looks at him confused and Jason taps his shoulder. “You know Hazel?” 

Leo shrugged. “Yeah, I met her on the first day. She was the first person to mistake me for a freshman.”

“Okay, that explains it. Somebody wake Anna up so we can do actual introductions.”

Percy holds up one finger and grins. “Hold up, watch this.”

He picks up one of her curls and twirls it with a finger. “Anna? Annabeth? My sweet girlfriend who loves me dearly?” No response. 

Then he looks out to us and back to her, to say a single word;  “ _Exams_.”

Annabeth popped her head up faster than a arcade wack-a-mole, golden locks flying.  “Wha— _did someone say exams?_ Goddammit, what did I miss?”

She punched Percy’s shoulder lightly. It was then Leo recognizes her as the judgy bitch from his bus. Said ‘judgy bitch’ noticed Leo as well and opens her mouth to say something, eyes narrowed.

“Wait.” Jason cut in. “Can you guys please just introduce yourselves? _please?”_

The group conceded at Jason’s pleas, and Percy started first.

“I’m Percy, resident pool boy and leader of the swim cult— _er,_ team. I like laptop stickers and Annabeth _andddd.._.. No that’s about it. Oh, uh,senior. Eighteen by next month.”

“ _Hiiiii Percyyyy.”_ Nico grumbled. 

One by one they introduced themselves and ate their lunch.

_(“I’m Annabeth, senior. I’m leader of debate team and I like literature, I guess. Percy’s my boyfriend, stupid as he is.”_

_“I’m Hazel! But you already know that. I’m a freshman and I love horses and drawing. I don’t really know what else to say....”_

_“Frank, also a junior. Uh, I’m originally from Canada?)_

Nico elbowed him and Leo realized it was his turn.

“Um. I’m Leo? I had to transfer from Southwest. I like—“ _(Hanging out with Piper, doing opiods by myself, and running away from authority)_ “—I like hanging out with people, doing weird shit, and not being at school?”

Leo felt nervousness bubble up his stomach to his throat. _(I can’t be friends with these people, I’m not like them, when they figure out who i really am they’ll kick me into the dirt—im fucked up i—)_

“I-i’m a junior, believe it or not. Uh, that’s about it. Hi.”

Leo thought they would look at him with distaste, he was so clearly lying. (Leo really thought he was a better liar than that, ~~what a waste of—)~~

But instead, they just nodded, accepting. And the whirlwind of conversations starred again, where Percy was scarfing down his pizza posing his girlfriend to scold him for eating too fast, Hazel was calmly telling Frank about her day, and Jason and Nico were passing little rolled up notes and snickering at them, as if writing them down made them funnier than saying them out loud. He supposes it did, the secrecy and exclusivity added a layer of humor to the joke that would be lost if it were open to all.

Leo feels like that strip of paper. Brought into this nice, exclusive group. Like being accepted into a secret pillow-fort, surrounded by softness of the cozy blankets and pillows. 

Only he doesn’t deserve to be there. Leo’s an infiltrator in this group, he’s been brought in by luck, lies, and pity.

And he doesn’t want to to leave.

* * *

_Paper found outside Mcdonald’s, peeled off an employee’s shoe;_

_**PATIENT NAME:** (SCRIBBLED OUT, FLOWERS DRAWN FROM THE INK)_

_**AGE:** 18_

_**ADMITTED:** 12/28/19 - _

_**OBSERVATIONS:** patient continues to show no reaction, working on new—_

_(TEXT UNREADABLE, COVERED BY DRAWING OF.....BEARS WITH WINGS?—-)_

_(paper is disposed of in trashcan)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was so satisfying to write. Also we got the first sip of our main ship *mwah*
> 
> go check out new fic ‘tomato sauce’ to submit prompts! the reception there has been really good there lately just wanted to say thx ❤️
> 
> k bye ✌️


	8. melt me like cotton candy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting messier, Nico and Leo skip school together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is. our first sip of the main ship. (more like a huge gulp) 
> 
> this chapter was especially fun to write, have fun reading!
> 
> warnings: drug use, underage smoking

* * *

_sometimes im just alone,_

_sometimes im just sitting at home_

_get high with me_

_get high with me_

_ on the corner of main street _

_all i wanna do_

_and all i wanna do_

_is get with you_

_get with you_

_Get with you- clairo_

* * *

_The night before, 8:44 pm; _

Piper found herself going back to Starbucks she saw the cute blondie at. She wasn’t really sure why’d she came, she’s not even sure if he’s working this shift. Piper needs.... _a distraction._ From her Dad, and Mellie, and Leo. From school and rumors. 

Her Dad has been acting shady lately, engaging in long stressed sounding phone calls at night. He’s hardly talked to Piper the last few weeks, and she doesn’t think it has to do with his job. Money was never a problem for them.

So she walks in the coffee shop, scanning the workers for a certain someone, but she doesn’t see him. 

Piper feels like she’s swallowed lead, there is no distraction. Just a coffee shop, and the night sky sleeping above, and herself, standing there like a fool. 

Her head feels foggy, but she orders a drink anyway, a hot caramel macchiato to clear her mind.

Piper sits at a table alone the little shop, sipping at the drink quietly. She enjoyed the peace. The shop at night didn’t feel quite real, as if the world ended beyond the walls around her. Right now it’s just her alone in the coffee shop, floating in space. It must have been a few minutes later when she heard the sound of someone sitting down, disturbing her from her little illusions of peace. She looked up from her drink.

Surprisingly, it was the blond guy from her first visit with Rachel. He sat across from Piper shyly, she quirked her head at him.  “Um, hi.” she settled on.

The teen across from her blush and fumbled with his hands awkwardly. “ _Hi_ , you looked lonely over here, so i was wondering if i could keep you company for a few minutes? I just recognized you from a week ago,” he adjusted his glasses, “sorry if thats weird.”

She shook her head and smiled softly. “Not at all. I’m Piper, by the way.”

“Jason”

Piper ended up talking to Jason for over an hour. He was _really, really sweet._ Like Piper’s teeth started to hurt sweet. The Starbucks employee even complimented her appearance even though she was in ratty sweatpants and jacket. She felt a warmness spread through her body when the thought of him and his stupid glasses and stupid apron. It sneaks into Piper’s mind, and she can’t help but smile.

They talked about common stuff mostly, joking about working at Starbucks and school. She got talk about her designs and ideas and she listened to Jason talk about his old soccer coach. Still, the conversation made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like Piper was a freshly microwave-nuked hot pocket. (Pizza flavor, the only acceptable one besides breakfast burrito)

He ends the conversation by awkwardly asking for a date as he walked Piper to her car, she laughed and reassured him by saying yes. And as she was driving home the unreal feeling never left, and the girl realized it wasn’t the coffee shop that held that feeling, it was the Night.

* * *

Leo doesn’t know when he started to resemble a corpse more than a living person.

But, staring in the mirror, he’s not so sure it was recent. If he stares long enough the dark circles like racetracks under his eyes transform into sinking bruises, reminiscent of his younger self who would fight anyone who dared look at him wrong. 

_ (Mamá used to look like this ~~when she stayed late at work too many nights~~...i guess thats one of the few things i can remember....) _

Bruises reminded him of other things too, but he try’s not to think about those as much. _Shameful_.

He’s been staring into the mirror a lot lately, mesmerized by the scars on his chest turn and wiggle into streams of white running up and down his skin like rivers of memories that refuse to heal.  _ Ugly . _

Leo feels the veins under his skin start to itch back and he knows he needs something, his head just feels thefamiliar pain. His eyes feel like craters getting dug deeper,they’re going to black out....Leo drags a hand through his curls and pops the OC thats been waiting innocently in his sweaty palms.

_~~ submit— ~~ _

Despite having no flavor the pill tastes sweet going down his throat, Leo carries on with his morning. With each minute his body gets lighter, and the pain ceases to be, leaving Leo to wonder if it was ever there. Things are starting to spin right and he eventually leaves the house feeling as if he’s stepped off the clouds. He truly loves this feeling, ~~more than anything else.~~

He picks back up with Nico in Mr. Ballentine’s as usual, his routine for the last three days. Euphoria streaming through his blood, his high is going to wear off soon. Leo tries not to think about where he’s going to get his next fix up since Luke’s been off the radar for him, it ruins his high. 

Nico sits down next to him and makes a face at Leo’s choice of clothing.  “Do you ever wash your clothes? No offense, but you’ve been wearing that hoodie for like three days.”

Leo just leans back and peers at him through hooded eyes,“ Nah .” Nico rolled his eyes.

The boy flipped the hood up half way, curls pushed to frame his face. The boy sitting next to him stared a second too long. 

Leo was different kind of pretty that Nico hadn’t seen before. His face was almost fairy-like despite the harsh lines of his jaw and cheeks. Sloped nose, full lips. His cheeks were harrowed like hadn’t eaten in a long while, and dark circles embellished his eyes, making Leo look straight out of a Tim Burton film.

He was hauntingly beautiful, Nico liked it.

Leo broke off his gaze. He looked around, brows scrunching up in confusion. “Where’s Ballentine?”

Nico realizes the teacher hasn’t showed up yet, despite the late bell ringing minutes ago. Other students noticed too, snickering made-up theories about absence like kindergarteners. The curly haired boy turned to the other.

“Should we just go?”

Now, the sensible side of Nico was telling him no. ( _“Don’t skip with him! You don’t want to write another attendance appeal, do you?”) _

But one look into those big (totally faded) eyes and all willpower faded away. Nico nodded his head dreamily.

The two walked out as casually as they could, this time they were the ones giggling like elementary children. Nobody was there to stop them, (it was after noon anyway) and pranced along the sidewalk.

“Where you wan’ go?” Leo asked, kicking a rock ahead of him. 

Nico couldn’t explain it well, but he liked the way Leo talked; Eliminating unnecessary words, sometimes combining them together so they flowed.

“I don’t know, I thought  you had that figured out?” 

Leo smiles small at the ground and a little laugh escapes at Nico’s cluelessness.

“ _Well_ , you thought wrong.  I don’t know anything, amigo. Got any money?”

Nico pulls out a few crumpled ones and a five from his front pocket of his black jeans. (thankfully not the skinny ones he owned in middle school, good god)

He raised it up to be judged, Leo’s face lit up when he saw it. 

“ _ Aw, yeah! _ That’s more than enough, oh— _we should get ice cream—!_ Well, if you want.” His face dimmed again, Leo didn’t expect Nico to share any little fortunes with him. Despite obviously being a more street hardened person, Leo retains a sort of childlike innocence for things, like ice cream. He gets all excited like a six year old, as if he didn’t get to have it as a child. Leo didn’t know that Nico would spend much more than five dollars if it meant making him light up like _that_ again. 

They talked a lot when as they walked (to the nearest cold stone they decided). Leo talked a lot more without others Nico noticed. 

_ (maybe im special....) _

“ —my god it was fucking greatttt. The look on their faces. Like, how was _I_ s’posed to know he was _actually_ going to _get in_ the build-a-bear machine? I got in trouble too,” Leo stiffled his giggles “ _ I stole all the empty bears .” _

“That’s animal cruelty. I’m calling  _ PETA _ .”

“They had to call his parents to pick him up too.” Leo laughed, curls bouncing. Up, down, up, down....

“Did they get yours too?”

Nico didn’t realized he asked the wrong question until moments later when Leo was still quiet. He looked down at the boy to see him deep in thought. _(Shit, I ruined it.)_

“Um, y’know they just sent me  _ back_.”

“....back where?”

Leo looked up to the sky, face blank. He must have been through this many times.... “I live— _lived_ , semi-permanently in an orphanage. So they sent me back there. Had to deal with hell when I got back though...”

Nico gulped. “Sorry.” 

He didn’t think it was the time to ask what happened. Nico did want to know, but he wanted Leo to happy with him right now. Nico can’t tell which one’s more selfish.

Leo waved him off and put his hand to his forehead, squinting under the cover until he found what he was looking for. Ju mping up and down, he filled with energy again. The ColdStone was in view.

The two boys quickly sprinted over to the creamery, motivated more by the hot sun. Each spouting off which kind of ice cream they wanted, musing about chocolate cones and rainbow sprinkles.

_So_ , turns out they only had enough for two small ice creams and two bottle of water, which they downed nearly half of in one gulp. Leo insisted on leaving the store _(“goodbye air conditioning, ill miss you so much“)_ and they found a shady spot under a big oak tree in a mostly empty parking lot. It was next to a small playground, where Nico was eyeing the monkey bars. 

They ate ice cream in comfortable silence, a swift breeze now blowing through, cooling down their small spot underneath the tree. Nico ordered cherry garcia and Leo got cotton candy, despite Nico nagging about how cotton candy flavor was nasty. 

He’s fantasizing about the monkey bars again when he sees Leo pull something out his backpack in the corner of his eye. Looking like a very small flute, or a pen, Nico recognized the dab. 

He’s had his experience with vapes, technically he has one of his own but Nico hasn’t refilled it in a while. 

Leo took a hit off it and breathed out, deliberately not on the ice cream, as if it would taint it somehow. He looked beautiful with the smoke trailing softly out of his mouth like little clouds. He offered Nico the pen and he accepted without much thought. The boy breathed in the mist, his throat recognizing it as THC. Good shit.

“Thanks.” he muttered, but then he noticed that Leo was leaning over towards him, eyelids low and cheeks rosy. Nico almost froze but his body moved without him, their lips met.

The kiss was a bit clumsy and only lasted a few seconds, but Nico instantly felt his insides turn to mush. Leo’s lips were  _ indescribably soft _ , bringing him a high that could never be accomplished by a dab pen. Nico felt dizzy when he pulled away, the other’s lashes still hitting his cheek.

“Cotton candy tastes pretty good.” Nico breathed .

* * *

Nico and Percy walked together afterschool everyday for as long as he can remember. 

Their moms we’re close friends, so they grew up almost like siblings. It was Nico, Percy, Thalia, and Bianka. But Thalia moved on to college a year and a half ago, and didn’t visit like she swore she would, and Bianka’s not here.... distance grew between them, but Nico still finds himself here. As always, walking home underneath the setting sun.

(It doesn’t feel the same. )

Nico’s mind replayed what happened earlier on a loop....When his lips met Leo’s....

He didn’t say anything about it afterwards, Leo continued on with the day as it hadn’t even happened, Nico was embarrassed to say the least. Had he not liked it? He would have given a bigger reaction if he hadn’t....

Nico still wanted another one. Another kiss.

“Watchu’ thinking about over there?” Percy looked over at him. Nico realized he’d been quiet for too long.

“Nothing. Im just tired, thats all.”

Percy hummed. He had seemed tired for the past eight months. They both had.  “ _Do you_....Are you upset about Leo?” 

Nico froze up. _(How did he know that-)_ “Why would you think that?”

“You seemed to take a liking to him thats all....Just don’t get too close to him, ok?”

Nico gritted his teeth. Who was Percy to tell him who he can and can’t hang out with?  “I’ll hang out with who I want. And you know you been acting weird around him too, what do you have against Leo? Trying to take someone else away from me too—“

“Don’t bring that into this! _Shit..._ You just don’t know everything about him s’all. Do you know what type of person he is?” Percy turned his backpack around so he could reach for a busted metal water bottle and took a sip.

“He’s a _good_ person, actually. As if you would know everything about him.”

“Neither do you.” He said around the drink.

“ _Would you just spit out what you know already?_ _God_ , you infuriate me.”

His eye’s hardened and he passes the bottle to Nico despite their argument. He took a sip, it turned out to be coca cola instead of water. Nico’s not surprised, Percy always had a sweet tooth.

“Y’know how I used to live in New York?” 

Nico nodded.

“I just, recognized how he acts and got suspicious. So I snuck into Paul’s laptop and searched his records, didn’t expect to find much, but” Percy grimaced, “he’s got like, several misdemeanors. And search warrants. Mostly stealing.”

“He’s a foster child.”

“And drug possession. He got lucky, _real lucky_. Whoever’s been looking out for him did a damn good job.”

Nico’s heart whined. So, Leo’s probably done some bad shit, but it didn’t change how he felt about him. Why does he always like the ones that are trouble....

“He’s still good, Perce. That might be true, but I can tell. Besides, you’re the one charged with trespassing.” Nico mocked Percy’s voice, “ _Oh yeah, this pool’s totally abandoned im going to make a fort here—“_

Percy laughed. “ _Don’t_. Do not bring the pool fort into this.”

“Whatever, i’ll be fine. Later.” Nico waved bye, his house always came first. 

He dropped his backpack in the corner of his room and crept quietly into his mother’s room. She looked like a stressed out Italian prima donna, her brows were creased even while she was sleeping and messy black hair fell over her face, a strand tucked into the corner of her mouth. Nico brushed the hair off her face gently so to not wake her up, she hadn’t been the same since the summer Bia fell. 

The boy swiped a cigarette from the box beside her bed and ran up to the balcony. 

Smoking was always his mother’s thing, her bad habit. But in the past couple years, it became more like her hobby. And since his dad wasn’t at home long enough to catch him, smoking became Nico’s hobby too. 

And if his mother ever smelled the smoke on his clothes, she didn’t said a word.

So once again, Nico melted away with the nicotine, smoke trailing up towards the sky, taking his mind with it. 

It still didn’t melt him the same way Leo did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are kinda lacking in comments on this work, if theres any chapter to comment on its this one! lmao seriously those give me the will to live. Cotton candy ice cream, am i right?


	9. even angels cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Car drives and old friends, it’s getting worse. Church is not Leo’s scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. i realized my writing can be very slang heavy, and might be obscure to ppl who don’t use them a lot. if you dont feel like urban dictionary-ing today, i put some definitions at the end. :)
> 
> 2\. im writing this in a universe where chikfila is open on sundays, cause goddamnit i wish i lived there
> 
> 3\. i changed the summary, do we like? (im not sure i do tbh lol, but i didnt feel like the last one did the story any favors)
> 
> 4\. thx for the love recently, enjoy reading !
> 
> warnings: drug use, self harm, withdrawls

_ can you see what you did? _

_ can you see what you did? _

_ can you see what you did? _

_ can you see what i did? _

_ can you see what you did? _

_ can you see what i did? _

_ can you see what you did? _

_ can you see— _

* * *

To tell you the truth, Leo hadn’t planned on kissing Nico at all. 

Sure, the boy was cute and all, but Leo didn’t expect him to also be into him? Leo wasn’t reaching over to kiss him, he was trying to grab one of the waters they bought from his backpack. 

He figures its okay though. It’s just one kiss, and it wasn’t bad either. Nico’s lips were warm and sweet, they moved against his softly. Besides, he’s not the first person to take something from Leo. Piper, on the other hand, didn’t think so:

“Wait-wait, are you sure you were fine with that? S’ pretty shaky consent. Not to be blunt Leo, but you have a habit of just letting things happen when you don’t want them to. If you don’t want him i _swear_ i’ll—“ 

“No, Piper. It was different this time. I...I think i’m scared. Of him.” Leo says, slouching into the old scratched leather of Amad’s car. 

Leo saw red flash in Piper’s eyes as she whipped around in her seat to lightly slap Amad on the arm. He didn’t glance back, keeping his eyes firm on the road.

“ _Amad are you hearing this?!_ ” She whips back around to Leo, eyes crazed, she looked like a feral animal. “Did her hurt you or something? I swear i’ll _kill_ that little fucker—“

Leo hit his leg repeatedly, it was so hard to convey what he means sometimes. “He didn’t hurt me I swear! Nico is really nice, too nice actually. I just kind of... _liked it?_ a weensy bit? I’m afraid i’ll ruin what we have and he’ll....it doesn’t matter.”

The boy trails his lips with his fingers guiltily, remembering the moment. Nico was gentle, too gentle with Leo. He was funny and nice, but he didn’t know who he was kissing. Still he stole the moment and held it close, a little piece for himself, thats all. Leo likes to think its okay for him to take a little for himself sometimes, but its getting harder and harder....

“Oh.” Piper said.

The car was silent for a moment (why does this keep happening to him) and Leo rushed to fill it.

“I mean it’s weird, right? I don’t like boys, I shouldn’t like him!” Leo gestured with a water bottle in hand. Well, its filled with lean, so its his lean bottle. _technically_. 

There was a moment of calm as his friends tried to take in the bullshitery that was Leo’s denial.

“....Leo _we been knew you like men-“_

“I’m not gay!”

Amad looked over his shoulder. “Leo, yuh gay.”

“If i’m _sooo_ gay, wouldn’t I be the first one to know?”

“— _gayyyyy_ —“

“you would be the _last_ one to know ya fuckin’ idiot—you once stared at Mr. Aniston’s ass for a whole period—“

“— _le homooosexualll_....”

“—and told me ‘ _damn he thicker than a bowl of oatmeal’—“_

The three friends bicker over his sexuality for the remainder of the drive. Leo feels like he’s been transported back to old times when they’d do this every week, bumping along in Amad’s shitty car, picking up any friends they saw on the way. They were heading to pick up Marquis from SWH right now, and thenplanned to go to McDonalds. Perfect plan, really.

Leo’s close friend group over the past years has stayed relatively consistent, surprisingly. Since he moved to Cali, its been Piper and Marquis, then Rachel, and lastly Amad. They’re not what you would consider ‘ _good kids’,_ but he likes to think they have good morals. A solid conscious. Leo doesn’t think he has solid morals down yet, but he’s working on it. Leo was raised by scum, with scum, into scum. 

Back in texas everyone on his block knew eachother. Everyday Leo would go outside to play with all the other little kids under the hot sun, splashing around in broken fire hydrants and making up new card games, often tagging along with the older ones, probably annoying them with their antics. He’s not sure where those kids are now, the memory is disconnected after the bridge of time. Its not really the time that disconnects it really, he just sees himself as separate from that little kid. ( _~~ trying to put aside what innocence he has left—) ~~ _

The next ones are all kids he met in foster homes or scurrying on the streets. 

_(Valdez? Yeah, i seen the kid around. Screwed up one aint he, quick with a joke though, ill give em’ that.”)_

His name popped up all over the streets Dallas and Santa Fe, the places he spent the most time in. Leo hitchhiked a few states as well, eventually ending up right outside California. 

Leo’s mind flashes to the faces he met in juvie before Mr. Martin got him that appeal for counseling instead. Wonder if they’re still there....

Pulling up to the Southwest’s second parking lot, they waited for their friend to emerge from the band room. 

Marquis was like if a hype beast and a band kid had illegitimate love child. He was a black kid, like most at Southwest, averagely tall and skinny. He was always easy to spot too, sporting dreads dyed blue (almost turquoise) at the ends, red Jordan’s, and generally loud clothes. Right now, he was wearing black jeans and a baseball tee with different color sleeves, one blue and one red, a belt barely holding his pants at his waist. Sticking awkwardly out of his back pocket were Marquis’ drumsticks. (they used to be plain wood, but Rachel painted them last summer. Now they colored sporadically; red blue and yellow moving across the thin sticks above a coat of black paint.)

Marquis’ favorite pastime was playing drums, second only to doing psychedelics. He eventaught Leo to play a bit when they became friends, now he was fairly good at it. According to Marquis, Leo had an advantage with the instrument because of his ADHD. 

Leo leaned out of the car to holler at his friend in the parking lot and he clambered into the car, smooshing Leo into the middle seat.

“Well look who finally appeared. Glad you’re not dead bro.”

Leo leaned on Marquis’ shoulder, punishment for demoting him to middle seat, and smiled. “I’m not.”

Piper rolled her eyes at the boys and posed the ‘is Leo gay’ question to Marquis. He answered quick, no doubt in his answer:

“Well, no shit. To be honest though, aren’t we all a little gay?”

“Not me. Leo is a bati boy.” Amad commented from the front, Jamaican accent seeping through his words, making his ‘a’s sound like ‘uh’s and making his ‘o’s more enunciated.

“Shut up, Zoe.”

“I never doubt once in ma life that you would quit sayin’ dummy shit, boy you is stupid im not even Haitian—-“

“Zoe pound, ZOE POUND—“

“BATI BOY—“

Piper flipped up her gray hoodie over her face as the boys argue, Marquis takes a swig of drank looking rather saddened that Leo stopped laying on him so he could argue with Amad. (Piper used to suspect Marquis had a small crush on her best friend)

Everything is as it was months ago.

The group drops Leo off the McKinney’s house late that night after perusing the city a bit, picking up a few more people on the way. The whole time Leo couldn’t stop jittering, he doesn’t have very many pills left, so he’s been trying to stretch them out, but its left him feeling like he has the cold. Really, he just wants to feel normal again. Exhausted, Leo sneaks into the house trying to avoid waking anybody up. His matress was like a calling and he answers readily, falling asleep almost immediately after hitting the pillows.

* * *

Leo did not wake well.

He was shook awake at the ungodly hour of eight o’ clock, Melissa’s fake nails clacking much too close to his ears for comfort. Eight doesn’t seem too early, but for someone who got home at 4 am, yeah its pretty fucking early. Part of Leo wishes he on his own again with complete freedom, he could wake up anytime he wanted.

Melissa dragged his raccoon looking ass out of bed clawing and screaming, telling the child to put on his sunday best, But Leo’s pretty sure he’d fry under holy water so what is she trying here really.

Nearly sobbing over the sight of his bed looking lonely in the corner _(im coming back baby i promise)_ he sadly slides one leg after the other into his khaki church pants from kohls, looking like a rather depressed version of a christian sixth grader who goes to private school.

All he has to do is get through the service, which could prove to be easier said than done. The McKinney’s have a big hanging of Jesus in the cross kept at the end of the hallway, it looked at Leo with distaste. He swears he could feel Jesus’ eyes following out the door as he left the McKinney’s house. Like ‘ _wow, I really died for this motherfucker? bring me back, the fuck?’_

Ok, thats enough of that. 

The church the McKinney’s went to was not one like Leo had ever seen before. It’s pews were shiny and new, brochures in front of every seat. It was held in a huge auditorium with tall sweeping ceilings and clean carpeted floors.

The church’s by his home in Texas were never this big to begin with, usually just a small townhouse with a cross reigning over the top where the neighborhood would meet once a week. 

Leo remembered the ladies morning gossip that would spread like the flu before the sermon, the grown men would discuss funding for new pianos and November feasts, always looking for the next big thing. 

He never understood church, even as a little boy, and his Mom understood that. 

Leo was too hyperactive to pay attention to the pastor and his mother wasn’t too religious, after a while church became something obligatory they went to fit in with the neighborhood. But after an even longer while they stopped going altogether.

Even though they didn’t have much, Esperanza would never call on God to fix her problems, she was too stubborn for that. So all while food was scarce and bills added up to mountains, she did not pray. she persevered. 

_ (“Every problem has a solution, nino.” ) _

Esperanza flung herself through Community college for mechanical engineering, hoping to elevate to university for a Masters, working part time at an automobile shop to make ends meet. 

working part time at—

working part time—automobile shop—she—she—

(to make ends—to make//!#...-meet)

—............. //!!/......]

......

— _where is she ~~where is she~~ where is ???//?? ~~where~~ where is she ~~where~~ ////!!!!!? ??_—-

_**where** is //// she _

_ she just _

~~ do you know what you did to me? ~~

_she just fucking_  
  


**_ burns _ **

~~ where  ~~

_ she just fucking burns— _

Leo pulls up the sleeve of his shirt to look at the small scarred patches on his arms; some of the burns were almost gone now, fading along with the years. Even if they fled his skin forever Leo would always be stained. He has to live with these memories forever, but Leo’s not sure—

_ Leo’s not sure they can coexist— _

_ (A boy is sitting legs pulled up on the bathroom countertop. It’s clearly Leo, he looks about fourteen, but his face is thin and his clothes are ratty, a sign he was on the streets recently. Tear tracks mapped out roads on his face, Leo was having a Bad Day.  _

_He rummaged through his pockets for_ _a little bag with pink pills in it and shakes one into his hand. There’s no time for a slow rush, Leo sandwich’s the pill with two pieces of paper (from a small to-do list and old receipt) and crushes them finely with the back of a hairbrush, ignoring the hairline cracks already shown in the plastic from other times._

_ He rolls up the old receipt and runs his nose along the powder, inhaling it sloppily. He takes a lighter out of his pocket.  _

_Leo just stares at the flame for a bit, mesmerized by its shy light, it toys with him playfully, flickering left and right under his erratic breath. In his head he can still hear her screams and banging on the doors when the fire ate her alive. He can feel the hands of the_ _paramedics_ _holding him down while he screams for his mother, like ghosts they’ve remained, pushing him down, down. he just wanted to know where she was and the voice, like a sedative, that tells him it’s going to be okay even though it was ~~clearly not—~~_

_ It was a sick thought, but he wanted to know what she felt. To feel the flames lick through his skin straight to the bone.  _

_** do it ** **,** whispered his head,  ** show us you can burn. ** _

_ and when he didn't comply, it shouted;  _

**_ MOVE YOUR HANDS ALREADY YOU PIECE OF SHIT AND  SHOW US— _ **

_ Leo held the flame to his arm.  _

_With a vanquished cry he flung the lighter across the roomafter only a mere four seconds, its plastic body clattering against the_ _wall. Leo cried over the burnt flesh of his arm, which was blistering and reddening rapidly, sobs choking him until he couldn’t breathe, and the high hitting his bloodstream all at the same time._

_ If i’m too pathetic to burn i might as well just—!!!&&://01010)**%%-) _

They all sat a couple rows away from the front, Leo couldn’t stop shifting in his seat, and the noise was making him nauseous. The songs at the beginning are always the worst part of church, this one decided to extend that as long as possible. Melissa even had the audacity to lean in to him and say:

“This is the best part! C’mon sing along, _Bless the lord O’ my soul, Ooooo’ my soul, worship his holyyyy name, sing like never before, O’ my soul, I’ll worship Your holy nameee—“_

Being able to sit down after the three songs had ended made him almost want to praise God, _almost_. 

The church had some announcements to get through before the sermon started up. Looking over, Leo noticed Melissa seemed to be especially transfixed on this part. Her eyes tracked a women that came up to announce her new baby, rubbing her swollen stomach proudly. 

He could’ve sworn he saw her eyes narrow at the woman displaying her soon to be born child. Leo twisted around in his seat, unable to shake a bad feeling about the church.

The prego lady stepped down from the stage and the pastor walked back on. He looked out into the church members and caught Leo’s eye, he shivered under the man’s gaze. The twinkle in his eye was unsettling.

“Certainly keep Kate Andersen and her child in your thoughts and prayers these nights as the delivery date approaches, but today is a very special day because we don’t get just not _one_ new addition to the Church, but _two_. That’s right, Mr. and Mrs. McKinney, why don’t you get up here.” The pastor said with a smile, motioning with his hand to come on stage. His fosters and their children started to get up but Leo couldn’t, he froze.

Melissa’s face looked smug and she roped Leo out of his chair and led him up the stage, arm encaged in her grip to ensure he wasn’t going anywhere. Leo’s heart quickened and all his confidence he worked so hard to build plummeted, suddenly he’s a little kid again, on display for a big crowd, lights blinding his eyes. 

“Hello and good morning everyone, we’re just here to announce what we’ve been working on recently.” Melissa speaks into the microphone, its too close to her lips, he can see it brushing over the grate. Leo’s fingers twitch.

“Jake and I decided to swim a little deeper into faith, if you will,” She chuckled, eyes catching her rival in the crowd, “We decided to take on the responsability of caring for a foster child.” Clamor arose in the church from her words. 

“I know, i know. Kate can’t be the only one with all the fun, am i right?” Melissa adds sounding all too snide for the message she presents. “Leo’s had a hard life, and often he falls into sins because of the harsh way he was brought up, he can’t help it, so we took it on ourselves to help instead.”

Leo realized in that moment what he was to the McKinney’s; a ploy. 

_ (They’re....using me. That’s what this is. I’m a poor orphan kid they can clean up and put on a trophy shelf, and say **we fixed this—)** _

In the blinding lights of God, and the whole auditorium of worshippers, a tear fell from the boy’s eye.

i. am. 

nothing

(once again) 

“—Now if you will, Bishop Lazurus, I think it’s time for Leo’s baptization, so he may continue again as one of God’s children.”

Leo didn’t protest as he was led to a big shallow dish (when did that get here...?), he didn’t want to be punished in front of all these people. He couldn’t hear the words the Bishop and his foster mother recited, just felt the cool wet fingers trace a cross on his feverish forehead, branding him.

He could have sworn he saw a malicious spark in the Bishop’s eye as he plunged Leo’s head into the holy water, biting his lip. 

_One...._

_Two...._

Leo realized he hadn’t breathed before he went under the water. 

_Three..._

His throat was tightening....

_Four...._

Ow it fucking _hurts_ —

The bishop let him up and the boy gasped for air, coughing slightly, his single tear being added into the vast dish of holy water.

The church appluaded and the Bishop looked him in the eye again with a viscous smile;  “Welcome to the North Catholic Church, Leo Valdez.”

* * *

Leo felt like he was going to fall. His legs were shaking as he leapt from God’s grace, running from the stage, gasps befalling his wake and clamor broke out about the little orphan boy who fled the church. 

He’s choking on his tears and he can’t stop at this point. Visions of angels singing at his break are stuck in his mind, replaying over and over, fueling him to _get the fuck out of there._ Leo dashes outside to the back of the church, feet pounding against the ground much like the racing of his heart. He hides behind the air conditioning unit and holds in a scream. The hard concrete behind him looks so inviting, tempting him to bash his brains against the wall. 

Leo hit his head. And then his knees. And he can’t breathe—

he just wants to breathe. 

But Leo doesn’t have anything on him, and so he clutched his head, trying to quiet his own sobs so they wouldn’t find him. An Oxycodon would fix this. Clear up this headache, any little pill. Something. He needs _something_. 

Leo digs his nails into his ankle because his nose is craving angel dust and he needs to _stop,_ the seraphs are still screaming but he _can’t_ —

( _im driving down the road, my phone rings, and i answer it; ‘so and so just died, suicide.’ ‘so and so just died, drug overdose.’_

_ But they’re not my family, i dont care. Church dont care. They went to hell, there are no exits in hell, no escape.  _

_And i know people that are_ _going_ _there_ , _and i cant pray for them like i pray over dinner, lord thank you for this food, god bless us as we eat, in Jesus’ name: Amen._

_Haphazard._

_....ETERNITY IS AT STAKE, don’t you get it? till there was no remedy, CUT OFF, NO?! YOU COMEDOWN THROUGH THIS AND GOD SAYS ‘ **THIS** IS WHY YOU’RE HERE, YOU FORGOT **ME**!_ _And now...now i’m going to forget you’._ _AMERICA YOU FORGOT GOD, and now he’s going to forget us....._

_ I am satisfied with Jesus but the question still remains; is my master satisfied with me? And I answer—) _

He falls to his side and clutches himself, shivering. He needs it.

With shaking hands Leo takes his phone out of his pocket, a lighter slides out with it and his heavy breath catches.

Don’t—

_ fall. fall. fall. do it. fall. do it. two years. fall. fall._

The shivering boy grabs the little orange lighter like a lifeline and burns the hem of his jacket first. The plastic sizzles up nicely, turning hard and shiny. 

_My turn. My turn. My turn. _

Leo used to think he was looking at the face of the enemy when he took out that little lighter, but he realized that in the tiny strip of reflective metal he sees his own eyes. Scared and lost. _Hungry_.

He holds to the flame to his arm for just a few seconds, watching it lick his skin prettily, Leo bit his lip from the pain and observed the damage. The skin was turning red and it burned with the same ghost pain that always came afterwards. 

It hurts so much more than he remembers, and isn’t fulfilling either. Instead, he still craves and craves and craves, Leo presses his cheek into the concrete and whines like a little kid. When did he get so dependent on this? When did he become this? It’s pathetic to see him squirming like a child, skin crawling, holy tears falling down his cheeks. 

They’ll find him eventually, Leo’s going to be in trouble. His brain is telling him to text Marquis or Amad (not Piper, he can’t face her like this) but instead his shaky fingers find Nico’s contact.

_[to ——— > **Nico** , 11:38 am]_

_ hey can you come pick me up? by the catholic church next to the arbys? _

**Nico:** Yeah sure. Why? You good?

_ just need a ride, im around the back come quick pls  _

**Nico:** Be there in 10

* * *

Nico isn’t sure why Leo is behind a catholic church, but he is sure that its not for any good reason. The boy is sitting on the ground with his knees pulled up to his chest, hands lost in his curls. Nico stops right in front of him and looks down at his crush. 

“Wow, you look like hell.”

And he does, baggy eyes peer up at him, squinting through the sun, Leo’s face looks washed out.His usual caramel skin is gray. Nico never thought he’d see Leo wear church attire, and he’s definetly not religious, but for the sake of the exhausted looking boy below him he keeps his questions to himself.

Leo’s weirdly quiet, and twitchy, and Nico doesn’t know where to go but its clear he needs to leave the church, so he heads to Chik-fil-a, hoping his passenger was hungry. He’s too skinny anyway, he needs to eat.

Nico pulls his car to a stop in the parking lot. Leo is clutching his stomach in a weird way, his eyes are spaced out, he looks sweaty. Nico turns up the AC, his passenger mutters a quick ‘thanks’. 

“You don’t look so hot. What happened back there? Do i need to call someone?”

Leo shook his head. “I’m fine, i’m fine. I just feel a little sick.” His hand is fiddling with a loose thread on his hoodie and Nico wants to hold it. “Bunch of church bastards wanted me, lucky i escaped.” He smiled tiredly, but Nico didn’t laugh.

“M’ not very religious myself. Are you hungry or something? I didn’t pull up here for no reason.”

His partner shrugged. “Not really, but i should probably eat.” 

Leo didn’t wasn’t to go in the restaurant, so Nico did it for him. He came back out with two spicy chicken sandwiches plus a large fry and drink to share. They both dug into the food, Leo realized he was hungrier than he thought, because  _ damn that chicken was good. _ And it didn’t matter to Nico if the place was homophobic, as long as its waffle fries were always this crisp.

Nico turns to his passenger and throwing all caution to the wind, asked;

“Do you want to talk about the, uh, _coldstone thing?_ ”

“What coldstone thing?”

“When you kissed me.” Nico said. Leo slowly stopped chewing his sandwich. 

“ _You_ kissed _me_ —“

“ _Did not!”_

“ _Did too!”_

“ _Did not!”_

_ “Did too—!” _

“It doesn’t matter!” Nico cut him off. “I’m just, where do you want to go with this? I really like you, but if you don’t like me back that’s okay—“

“I’m not gay.” Leo says this with his brows all scrunched up, like he’s trying to convince himself too. “I mean I like you! And I liked our.... _cold stone thingy_ , but i’m not gay.”

Nico sighs loud, he thinks this may be part of the reason Leo was slumped over outside of a church, the closeted ones are always so difficult.

“So, you like me and you liked it when we kissed, but you’re not gay?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Leo, this may sound insensitive, but I think you might like boys. Why can’t we—“

“Cause you just found me crying outside a church Nico! God, what’d you think! Are you slow?!” Leo turns to yell at him, hands hitting the console for emphasis. “I don’t care about _you_ , I don’t care about _me_ , or the church—“

“Oh wow, you’re playing that card.”

“ _Yes i’m playing that card!_ I don’t give a flying fuck about any of this I only care about—“

“WELL I LIKE YOU! A lot....I just want to make sure you’re okay, and that you’re happy.” Nico took a moment to pause, “I really liked that day when we skipped cause I got to spend it with you. I like making you laugh and hanging out, but i cant deny the fact that i also like kissing you so....So if you wanna—“

“I can give it a try.” Leo says not looking at Nico. He picks at the seatbelt instead, cheeks turning pink.

And holy shit, Nico was not expecting that. _(Compliment him, got it.)_

“Really?”

“Yeah.” Leo turned towards him and leaned over the console. “Dude, you’re like in _love_ with me or something, you weirdo.”

Nico gives him a look that he’s sure is intended to be pointed and sharp, but is as dull as a used crayon. The corners of his lip lift up just barely into the ghost of a smile. 

And then they _almost_ kiss, before realizing they both just ate chicken and not wanting to exchange mouth-chicken via tongues. Kinda gross, but they laughed about it on the drive back. 

Sitting in Nico’s car, listening to dumb reggae-rock songs and snacking on turtleback waffle fries, life nearly feels good. Like, for a minute, the world stopped for the two boys. No longer are they traveling with the swirling chaos, they’re in the eye. The eye of the storm. Leo tries to soak it in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jit/git- a term used to towards annoying younger kids (“get over here jit”, “why do you hang oht with so many jits?”) can be used as a term of endearment/nickname, (Piper calling Leo a git.) this ones pretty common tbh, if you dont know this, where do you even live lmao
> 
> bati boy/bati - the jamaican equivalent to f**got. though it can be very hurtful, Amad was clearly just teasing & bantering with Leo by using it. They’re both from not so nice areas so they have less of a filter. those words arent as hurtful to them than it might be to someone sheltered.
> 
> zoe/zoe pound- (pronounced: zo, not like the name “zoe/zoey” just zo.) The Zoe Pounds are a haitian gang (mostly in miami), Leo rebuts Amad by calling him a Zoe (this is going to be obscure to most, sorry)
> 
> lean/drank- this one you probaby know lol but there are different names for it, ive always called it lean. its a drink of cough syrup, soda, and hard candies that ppl use to get high. its very damaging to the body over time if you drink a lot
> 
> aNyways, things just got a whole lot worse in this story. I feel like sometimes authors write characters with “flaws” without actually showing the flaws in their writing. like let the children be problematic its okay! you can see in parts where the abusers have rubbed off on Leo, in his words and actions (not just where he’s self-loathing, but where he’s angry and violent) because most of the time they will not know those actions are wrong.  
> 
> 
> HEY! Hey you! looky:
> 
> just wanted to let everyone know i am vewy much open to criticism, and like detailed lengthy shit, tell me what you like, dislike, laughed at, give me the p a s s i o n. I pwomise i wont judge 🥺🥺 and i love replying to ppl


	10. laser tag will kick my ass / a thousand eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laser tags sure does bring out the best in everybody, oh wait—

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are taking longer than usual because i always like to stay two chapters ahead of myself , so that i can go back and add foreshadowing, refrences, change the plot if i need to etc. And this was....long. and holy fuck the second draft was still 8 thousand and 6 hundred something words. it also mayyybeee be because im working on like three prompts for tomato sauce and theyre all taking way too fucking long 
> 
> but so far, i likey. hope you likey too 😎😎
> 
> to the person who commented on the last chapter, this one for u b 🖤
> 
> warnings: use of homophobic slurs, mentions of eating disorders, drugs (not use)

_ if i walk out the door _

_ it starts our last goodbye _

_ if you dont pull me back _

_ it wakes a thousand eyes _

_ its going to be cold with all those _

_ its gonna be cold with all those eyes _

_ its gonna be cold with all those _

_ its going to be cold with all those eyes _

thousand eyes- FKA twigs

* * *

The water is cold this morning when Leo took a shower. It feels harsh, like lonely mornings or concrete streets. Harsh like the shouting lecture he received two weeks behind today when he fled the church building. 

Yes, the McKinney’s were extremely angry with him by the time he got back that Sunday, spitting words about how he was ‘shameless’ or an ‘embarrassment’ to the family. Only this time it was Melissa spitting anger-fueled words at him. Mr. McKinney mediated more than he participated.

Melissa cries like a widow when she gets angry, he learns. His partly intelligible verbal beatdown was accented by Hannah and Colin peaking around the corner, watching it go down with wide eyes. That makes Leo feel more embarrassed than anything that happened at the church, because he knows his head goes to a whole other realm when he’s being yelled at, there’s nothing he can do about it. He sort of....disconnects. 

It’s like all the years of abuse he keeps suppressed kicks in, and he’s always the victim. _(But even when you’re not being abused you always find a way to hurt yourself, right Leo—)_

And then Melissa angrily made a whole pot of spaghetti, of which she didn’t salt the water of before boiling, all while mascara streamed down her face, making her look like a stressed catholic raccoon. 

Leo didn’t care, the whole time he was daydreaming about the stash of Vicodin he had hidden in a pair of shoes upstairs. 

It wasn’t five minutes after he escaped his foster parent’s weird spaghetti-involved rage that his foster siblings invaded his made-up paradise, faces painted strangely. They looked concerned for Leo, (who was sitting in his desk chair, not doing anything) and timidly stepped in after he hadn’t stopped them from opening the door. 

“Are you...okay? My Mom really bit into you down there.” Colin said. 

The fourteen year old sat down on Leo’s bed and for the first time did not complain when it squeaked beneath him. Hannah did as well, she sat on the corner. 

“I’m okay, been through much worse. You better not make your Momma cry like I did, ya’ here?”

“Heard.” They repeated back, something they learned from Leo. He’s glad he can sprinkle some of his ghetto-ness into their lives, its so heart warming.

Leo took a second to count his fortunes and put aside part of himself, the part that constantly berates him for talking to anyone, so he could advise the children before him.

“ _Don’t_....Don’t ever let someone control you. S’not cool. It’s gonna mess you up for a while.” Hannah looked at him, big princess eyes shining at his words, prompting Leo to continue. 

“It messed me up for a while.” He added quietly.

“Who was controlling you?” Colin scrunched up his nose and asked, always the bluntest person in the room. “Like, mind control?”

Leo faltered and his head was telling him to stop talking. Stop talking and _think_. But they’re just children. But also what happens if they tell their parents...

“No, not mind control, but that would be _hella cool_....I mean don’t let nobody manipulate you, it’s hard cause you won’t feel it, but you hafta’ try.”

They’re all silent for a minute. It’s been weird, being ‘forced’ to be sorta-siblings. Leo’s had so many foster brothers and sisters he wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot some of them, but Colin and Hannah have only ever had each other. And then Leo, a kid so much different than them, invades their home. He’s sharp-tongued and shady, he was raised a hoodlum, but there’s always been a wall of fear behind those thin layers of film, and they didn’t see it until recently. Leo was chipping.

Tic Tac wanders in the room and meows, jumping up into Hannah’s lap so she can pet her. The kitten starts purring and her snow white tail flicks around the girl’s hand. “Why did you run away?” Hannah asks. 

She means from the church, Leo knows that. It doesn’t stop his breath from catching and his heart stopping though. He’s been asked that so many times. “Dunno....just got—“ Don’t tell, don’t tell, dont tell, “ _nervous_ , i guess. 

“I’d never been to church like that.” _Lie_. “It’s my fault that—“

Colin cuts him off, eyes hardened. “Oh thats BS. _Mommy_ —Mom, totally used you to get back at Kate, they’ve been rivals for years. I don’t blame you.”

Leo shrugs and pulls his legs up. The two kids twiddle awkwardly in the silence.

“You can leave now.” He says, and they scurry away like roaches in the daylight. 

When the gremlins were gone Leo locked his door and snatched his vikes out of their hiding place, he crushed them up with his bulky ass Algebra textbook and snorted a line like taking his first breath of air. The powder coated the inside of his nose and dripped down his throat like a jet to his bloodstream. 

When his mind starting mellowing out, everything seemed so far away, because Leo was a step further, basking in the sun of a paradise that was always too short lived. _That_ is what he wanted. Not Nico, not Piper, not the church. _That_.

But he had been running out of that, Luke hadn’t been responding to his messages, though he admits he only sent a few. 

They had always had a weird relationship, Luke and Leo. 

Luke was a senior at Southwest, and had been part of a gang since his sophomore year. He had to retake Junior year too, bringing his total time with the Giants to nearly four years. The gang’s full name was the “Half-blood Giants gang”, but there was rumors it was becoming a crime family. Which, for hoodlumism-noobies, is organized crime. Like the mafia, only way smaller. 

It was common knowledge too, people who didn’t have experience with the sort always thought gang related activities were a secret, but not so much.

The teachers knew, students knew. _Hell_ , a couple resource officers probably knew. The reason they don’t get in trouble are always complications.

Sure, you can turn in a gang member to the police, but its never guaranteed they won’t be freed within a week and everytime you walk from your car to your house you’ll be paranoid about people jumping out of the bushes. Because there are consequences for everything, and gang business is nothing to scoff at. If they think you’re a threat to their affairs, you’ll be “ _taken care of”._

So Luke wasn’t in trouble with the police a lot, though there was one weird month where he had to wear an ankle monitor, which again, _for hoodlumism-noobies,_ meant he was on house arrest, but nobody asked questions. 

He was the school plug, and Leo’s “friend” in a way. Luke had respect for Leo, and the other way around, they shared similar humor and backgrounds, but...one day it got weird.

They were in the process of a drug deal, not uncommonly, when Luke leaned in too close.

_ (“What are you doing...?” _

_ “Trying something.”) _

He had kissed the other boy on the mouth, and Leo didn’t do anything to stop it. It didn’t last so long, but it wasn’t short either, and he just....let it happen. Too shocked to do anything. 

It was weird for a couple reasons;

  1. Leo was fifteen at the time, and Luke had just turned eighteen.
  2. It was already a little weird they were friends, because plugs usually stay away from deeper than surface-level connections with who they sell to (despite movie beliefs)
  3. Leo wasn’t.... _confortable_ , with touching like _that_ then, for some reasons he didn’t like to think about then, and still doesn’t now.



But cut off from his usual plug, It was three days later when Leo couldn’t bear it anymore, and he tried a new idea. 

Acting on a rumor he heard, Leo skipped school to walk down to the old 7-eleven. Despite being on the same block as Northride, the 7-eleven was still must have been a mile and a half away. It takes him twenty minutes to get there on foot, because Leo wasn’t in a hurry. 

He calls it “ _the_ 7-eleven” because it feels like more of a proper noun than it is.

It’s pretty much the stain of the block, every store surrounding it was on-brand, and pristine, matching the schools and the gated communites. The grungy old gas station was not any of those qualities, and Leo respected that.

It was like him almost, the 7-eleven. They were both the stains of the neighborhood. They didn’t fit in, and they never were going to. 

Leo didn’t want to think about anything then, instead he let a haze cover his conscious like a dust tarp. Y’know, the kind abuelas put over their couches to prevent them from getting dirty, and then they die without ever sitting on a couch properly. He let the cool air water down his senses and loosen his throat, breathe in, out...

_ focus on the steps...one...two... _

_ one...two... _

Leo lifted the dust tarp off his brain a little to develop a plan that went a little something like this:

1) walk to the sketchy gas station (try not get run over and/or mugged)

2) pick out sum snacxxs :))

3) pray that the equally sketchy cashier was also there

4) ask him for some percs or something and hope that the crummy fifty dollars in his pocket is enough to pay

5) realize that fifty bucks isn’t enough and hope that the cashier doesn’t ask him to...ahem... _ compensate _ .

And yeah, Leo thinks thats a pretty solid plan. 

His shoes scuffed to a stop outside the store, ads on the windows proclaiming _‘WE SELL 99¢ TAQUITOS!’,_ which for ninety-nine cents cannot be good for anybody’s health. Part one of The Plan was complete and Leo mentally patted himself on the back. 

Familiar chimes greet him as the two stains of the city merged. Out the back, Travis, the sketchy employee, emerged. Their eyes meet for only a second and Leo looks away. He heads to the candy section. 

Rumor was that this 7-eleven had a _“secret menu”_ , Leo had realized long ago that was why he recognized Travis’s name. If you arrange specific candies in orders the cashier recognizes, he overcharges you and slips in whatever you codes into your bag; three white chocolate kitkats stacked in a staircase will get you ritalin, twixes in a cross pattern will get you xanax. Leo doesn’t know all the combinations, but there is a basic one to get him to talk to you. _(“point with a mars bar to the bathroom, ask him to fix the toilet.”)_

The boy picks up the dumb candy bar and the cashier looks at it waiting in Leo’s hands, face tired.

“Let me guess, toilet’s broken?” he sighed.

Leo was not expecting him to be so blunt, in his mind he was still on a super secret ninja mission. 

“U-um, yeah.”

The employee sighs deeply and Leo follows him to the bathroom like a toddler to his Mom. He unlocks the door and they both step in, he locks it again.

The bathroom is small and grimy, a porcelian toilet in one corner and a cracked sink in the other, a suspicious puddle contaminated the dirt packed orange tile floor, Leo inched around it. The smell was not inviting, a certain stench that only exists in gas station bathrooms. Nobody knows what it is, and nobody really wants to.

“Can you make it quick? This place is gross and my break is in twenty minutes.”

“Yeah. Yeah, um sure.” Leo scratches his arm and tries to control his heart rate, because for some reason it was going much too fast.

“How much for Oxys?”

The question is met with raised brows, Travis leans against the tile wall. “Thats some pretty hard stuff. You sure you want that?”

“Yep.”

“Twenty five per. One hundred milligrams.”

Thats half of his funds, two oxys wont last him long at all....Travis must have sensed his ‘oh shit’ moment, because he offered something else.

“Hydros are cheapest, in case you’re wondering. Only seven bucks. Though if thats not you’re style i have percocets for a few bucks more.”

“Okay. Do you have molly?” Leo’s never tried molly, but he’s heard good things about it. Well, as good as you can get describing a party drug.

“Yeah, cheap right now too, which is weird.”

Leo could only afford three hydros and two MDMA tablets, and thats with Travis cutting him a deal. He tried to ignore the fact that his habit is becoming more expensive by the month, but Leo empties the rest of his wallet for those few tablets, too relieved to feel guilty about his purchase. He can stop any time he wants to, which is the difference between him and an addict. This is just how Leo likes to spend time. 

* * *

Those tablets bring him to the present, he holds their little bag in his hand, examining  their innocence. MDMA is a party drug, its supposed to make you feel at the top of the world, a feeling that earned it its most famous nickname; _ecstasy_.

He’s not going to take it, not yet, but he puts it in the small pocket of his backpack, just in case. He doesn’t want to bum out Jason on his birthday.

Its a miracle Leo’s allowed to do anything after the scene he caused, but letting him off the hook was his foster father’s way of apologizing for their previous arguments. The boy has a feeling him and Melissa didn’t agree on what happened at the church, either.

He’s supposed to go to Jason’s birthday party today, he was taking their friend group to go play laser tag, which apparently includes Leo now. Jason‘s also taking his new girlfriend, apparently, 

_ (I hope she’s not a bitch....) _

He takes a hit off Piper’s dab pen, which he _really needs to return_ , and came out of the shower, trying to stretch himself out. Leo doesn’t want to go, he really really just wants to go back to sleep, but plans were already made, the gang is picking him up in less of an hour. 

The party was informed to wear clothes to ‘get sweaty in’, and they’re playing laser tag, so Leo supposes he should wear black. For the first time in forever the boy feels the need to dress to impress, Nico’s going to be there after all. But unfortunately he can’t find the will to put something on besides black Southwest gym shorts and a hoodie. If Piper were here she would dress him up like a doll, poking Leo’s ribs and telling him he needs to eat more. He wishes she was, he needs more clothes.

Leo does however find the will to throw his hair up into a ponytail looking thing, curls splaying wildly every which way. There’s never one set way to style his hair, its like it own entity that he cant control. He puts in earrings, black studs he got from Marquis, and makes sure to brush his teeth well. He’s no cinderella, but fuckin’ close enough, right? 

His ride pulls up in the drive way and Leo rushed downstairs as to not get caught leaving (even though he has permission to go).Waiting in the silver jeep was Percy, Frank, Hazel and Nico.

“Sup weenies, where do i sit?”

Percy pops his head from the drivers seat, his car smells like sweet perfume and trace hints of drive-thru hamburger. “In the back, i’m picking up Anna next so don’t ride passenger. She might actually kill you.”

Leo shrugs and hops in the back seat, Frank getting out so he could plop himself next to Nico, who immediately starts fiddling with his hand. Their relationship right now is questionable, like they’re a thing, but is it official? The others don’t know anything about what happened between them and neither show intention of letting them, Leo isn’t sure where to go from here....

Hazel gasps and leans forward to look at him, her fingertips straining to reach his hair.

“ _Oh my gosh_ , your _hair_! That’s so cute, Nico don’t you think thats cute?” Hazel squeals, plucking one of the curls. 

Nico blushes and tries not to look at him, and Leo cracks a smile despite what he was feeling earlier, careening his head towards the girl so she could have easier access to his curls. She runs her fingers through his hair excitedly and produces a pink hair scrunchie out of her lavender backpack. 

(its not all so bad)

She adds her scrunchie to his mop of curls and Leo knows he looks like the long lost fifth teletubby.

He resumes normal activities and teases Nico, this time teaming up with Hazel despite the looks her boyfriend gave him. 

He got the impression Frank never really liked Leo, or if he did, he hid it well. He would give the boy these looks whenever he joked about people or talked about the delinquency of Southwest, like he was judging Leo for coming from a bad school, or worried he might taint theirs. Or maybe he just doesn’t like the fact that his girl was fauning over his hair, either way, Leo doesn’t care. 

The car pulls up to what he assumes is Annabeth’s house, a big manufactured home with pristine white paint and a dark gray roof that matches with its equally impeccable lawn, electric green grass putting the neighboring houses to shame. The house looked like it was torn right out of _The Lorax_. The blonde quickly rushed out of the thneedville-esque house, ignoring the calls her supposed mother was fuming at her, and slammed herself into the passengers seat. Percy left quickly. 

As soon as she’s situated she pulls out a bag doritos from her backpack and tosses it to the back seat. 

“Here, thats my contribution to your food fund,” she said turning up the radio and throwing her feet on the dash, “D on’t wipe your gross dorito incel hands on the seats, please and thank you.”

Frank dives for the chips immediately, eating two or three at a time. Leo snickers.

“Jeez, leave some for the rest of us, _big pal._ How you gonna play laser tag if the vest don’t fit round your waist?” Leo’s comment was met with some nervous chuckles, and Frank passed the doritos to Hazel, who frowned at Leo.

“What?” He asked. 

Nico’s eyes bore down at him and he grimaces, though his hand remained holding onto his arm. Leo guesses he said something wrong, but were they really that sensitive? He was just joking.

Before he can apologize, Leo yelps when Frank pinches the skin on his arm, holding what was left between his thumb and forefinger. “Yeah, well, you’re one to talk. Sure you’re not _counting your calories?”_ Frank says snidely. 

Hazel jumps on him like a wild hyena as soon as the words leave his mouth. Nico looks at his friend darkly. 

_ “Frank!” _

“ _What_? I’m just evening the field. It’s not _my fault_ he looks fucking anorexic.” 

And _wowwww_ , Leo has never seen Hazel get mad before and its....fucking scary. Not in the way that she would hurt you physically, (at least from two seats over she’s not) more like she’s willing to cut you off from all your friends and family. He laughs nervously to kill the tension. Frank’s words cut into his gut, not like a knife, but maybe a _really_ sharp ball point pen. He knows he’s stick thin, but when he said it like that.... Leo’s already ashamed, that just made it hurt worse.

_ (Oh....so maybe, this is how i made Frank feel when i said—) _

“Okay,” Percy intervenes, “Let’s not ruin Jason’s party, got it? Those were both uncalled for. I’ll force you guys to be nice to eachother if I have to. Leo, you good?”

“Yeah, its cool. I didn’t take it personally, I’m a stick thats just how life goes. Promise i’m not, uh, _‘counting calories’”._

The tension mellows out, and he leans his head back. Annabeth is passed the aux cord and smooth R&B starts flowing silkily through the old speakers, much to both his surprise and delight. _Absolute taste._ Nico’s head lands on his shoulder at some point, hoodie up and sunglasses covering his eyes. Conversation carries on normally, arguments about who was going to kick who’s ass in laser tag. 

Frank glares down at himself for the remainder of the ride, conflicted, the guilt from what he said was hitting him in the face. Hazel was more hurt by it than Leo, and when they arrive at laser tag she pulls her boyfriend aside to have a talk. She doesn’t need to, if anything Leo should apologize. (He’s always the bad one, Leo knows that.)

The Laser tag place looked small on the outside, but the inside was elaborate and Leo’s brain konked out, thinking something along the lines of; _“OooOh, shiny. shiny, shiny, must have, c’mereee my shinies—“_. The lobby is camouflage themed, heavy artillery guns hung on the wall for decoration and TV’s ran the rules on loop. There are three different courses;Apocalypse Run, City Shoot Out, and Coral Graves. 

Leo vetted for City Shoot Out because he might have an advantage if it was layed out like an actual city, but the consensus decided on Apocalypse Run.

“Jason you’re birthday isn’t going to stop me from kicking your ass, just saying.”

The birthday boy laughed at Leo’s words, head tilting back, his laugh was a distinguishable sound. A deep breathy noise, that could _almost_ be confused with a cough, paired with a motion of some sort. Jason would throw his head back, slap his legs, pat his chest. Leo liked Jason’s laugh.

“You’re the second person to tell me that, i have a weird feeling you’re going to like my girlfriend.”

“She said that? _Before me?_ ”

The blonde nodded yes and Leo blanched, wanting to scrub his tongue with soap, which just made his skyscraper of a friend laugh harder. 

A _ding!_ rings out from Jason’s pocket and he checks his phone. He informed everybody that he got a ‘here’ text from his girl. The group simultaneously watched the tinted doors, Leo included, wanting to know who captured Jason’s heart.

The doors swing open and the last person Leo expected to see strolled in. 

Piper stood at the entrance, clad in black shorts with a matching t-shirt, running shoes making a squeak on the floor. So it turns out Leo was right, Jason’s girlfriend is a bitch, _but its his bitch._

He runs to her with the agility of a marathon sprinter and throws his arms around her _annoyingly perfect_ body like a overly enthusiastic tree hugger. 

“ _Pipey_!”

Being met with a handful of Leo, Piper stands there stunned for a good few seconds before she speaks, blowing a piece of Leo hair from her mouth. 

“ _Stupy nu nu_?” The nickname is the first thing that comes to mind. “What are you doing here?”

Leo detaches from her and gestures to the group, who’s looking at them like he had suddenly grew an extra limb, jaws dropped to the ground, Jason looks especially horrified. 

“How.... _How do you two know each other?_ ”

Piper puts her hands on Leo’s shoulders and presents him, the boy smiling brightly. 

“ _Jase_ , this is my best friend.” She says it slowly, like she’s talking to a toddler. She might as well, her boyfriend looks konked out. 

Jason’s horrified face is frozen and he looks down at his hands, questioning _what in the hell he’d done._

The group swarms the girl, leaving Jason to flop like a fish. 

“ _Jason!_ You didn’t tell me you’re girlfriend was a _model_!” Hazel complimented Piper, making her blush and return the favor.

“Nice to finally meet you, whats you’re name?” Annabeth questions politely. 

“Piper.”

Nico offered her a casual nod and peace sign, which she returned with a slight glare, just enough to leave you wondering if you imagined it. Leo had his hand on the boy’s arm and she’s not sure if she can trust him with her best friend yet. 

An employee comes over to them, a short haired girl in her twenties, and starts explaining the game. There will be two teams, which they get to name, and they will compete in a series of mini games; Free for all, War, Capture the Flag, Death Toll, and Shooting frenzy. Leo didn’t recognize the last two, but he nodded anyway. 

It was revealed to him that the guns hung up on the wall weren’t just for show, those were the guns they were going to _use_.

The place had taken actual war guns and stripped them of their inside, instead filling the heavy steel bodies with laser detecting electronics. _This game just got one thousand times cooler._

She led them to the vests and started explaining the different weapons; 

“The 47 is you’re best long range weapon, it kills in two shots, but it only holds thirty rounds.” She set down the big gun and picked up a smaller, more compact one. 

“The SOCOM isn’t as long distance, but it holds fifty rounds, so much less reloading. It kills in three shots.”

Jason nudges Frank with his elbow and grins, “You’re going to have so much fun with this, _Lieutenant Franku.”_

Leo hefts up the AK-47, wobbling a little under the unexpected weight, and dumps it into Frank’s arms. 

“This is right up you’re alley, Frankitha, _Show us what you’re made of!_ ” He salutes to the teen who offers him a small smile. Hazel looks especially pleased that her boys are finally playing nice. 

Leo tightens up his scrunchies and turns to the lady who pops her bubblegum:

“Do you have any pistols?”

* * *

Apocalypse Run is singlehandedly the coolest place Leo’s ever seen. 

The course is an intricate strung of rooms and hallways, floored with a light layer of orange dust, the lights dimmed low to simulate dusk, and flipped over cars act as hiding places for snipers. He walks in dual wielding two silver pistols.

He’s been placed on the formerly called “Red team”, now called the _“woopie doopies”_ as they deliberated after spending _way too long_ trying to come up with a better name. The woopie doopies consisted of himself, Piper, Frank, and Jason.

To Leo’s disappointment Nico was placed on the blue team, AKA, _“the musty dusty bad bitches”._ Hazel, Annabeth, and Percy joined Nico on the other side of the course. 

The first game is War, basically one team goes _pew! pew!_ at the other team, and they do the same. Leo’s down. 

His team is in a circle, hands in the middle, High School Musical style.

“ _Ok woopie doopies_ , lets bring the doopie nation to victory! ON THREE MOTHERFUCKERS, one....two.... _THREE_!”

Their hands all go up in a chorus of screams and “ _Fuck yeah!_ ”s, and they can faintly hear the team across Apocalypse Run doing the same. 

An airhorn signals the start of the game and his team dispersed.

Leo’s goal was to shoot as many people as possible. He didn’t care about the death toll, if he was quick to the regeneration button it shouldn’t matter. Down a dusty graffiti covered hall Leo hid behind some old crates and aimed through the wooden slits, shooting Percy as he clumsily barreled down the hall. 

The black haired boy sighed loudly at the beep of his vest, signaling that he was dead, and marched back to his base’s respawn button. Leo continued through the course, shooting Hazel on the way.

He gets to the midpoint, a huge room built like the ruins of city building, the place where neither of the teams have claims. But he doesn’t get the chance to hide behind the wreckage before his vest beeps loudly. He sees Annabeth’s calculated gray eyes through the cover. _Fuck_.

Leo must have dashed back to the respawn button several more times in that round, but he was easily the shooter with the quickest reflexes. His small build helped him go by undetected, unlike Jason or Frank. 

The game ended and a voice announced over the loudspeakers:

“ _Times up!_ Game one goes to the Blue team the....uh, _musty dusty bad bitches?_ ugh, _highschoolers_ —”

“WHAT?!” His yell was repeated through his teamates.

“I shot like ten of them! _How did we lose?!”_ Jason threw his hands in the air and the leaderboard popped up in response.

**Kills: Deaths:Assists:**

**Annabeth** 5 10

**Jasong**. 107 10

**nico:)** 54 6

**SPARKLES110** 710 2

**Perceman** 96 8

**stupid 1** 6 5 11

**stupid 2** 81010

**Frank** 2 9 4

All of their stupid nicknames flash on the screen, and simultaneously everyone turns to Frank. 

“ _Frankfurter!_ What happened out there?!”

“This man got _two fucking kills i cant—“_

“ _You’re our ROTC KID!_! Yo, we ever get into a real war you are _fucked_ buddy.”

“ _SOMEBODY COME GET THIS MANS_ —“

Frank just put his hands up at the gathering mob and looked at his gun distastefully.

“ _Its unrealistic!_ When you die, you _die_. Why do yall get multiple lives?? it doesn’t make _sense_!”

Leo groans and readies his gear for the next round, Capture the flag. He then joins the others in talking into the one measly fan blowing in the corner, blades making they’re voices sound distorted. They’re fun is cut off with the airhorn, signaling the next round.

The teams we’re supposed to retrieve a gallon of water at each others bases. They’re gameplan was to station Piper at the base to defend against the other team while the rest go on offense. 

The airhorn sounded and they dashed  out, navigating the maze of destroyed buildings and broken cars. Down hallway to the main ruins, Leo spots the water jug. 

Throwing away all caution, he sprints to it as quick as lightining. He picks it up and had just started running before his vest beeped loudly with the sound of death. He drops the jug, water sloshing inside.

“Anna, if that was you i swear!” He yelled out as he left, but was met by silence. Whoever the sniper was they were good.

Everytime one of them would go to get the jug, they would be sniped down, and the game came to an early stop when news rang over the loudspeakers announcing that the woopie doopie’s team’s jug had been captured, which was met with groans and cheers from the different groups of kids.

Leo drags his feet back to the base and is handed a little water cup from Jason.

“That was brutal. Do you know who was shooting at center?” He asks, taking his glasses off and wiping them with his shirt, his sweat-glazed abdomen attracting the attention from Piper across the room. (gross)

“No clue. But my bets on Annabeth.”

“I can second that.”

The games go on, and Leo’s team starts to regain balance, the score was 3:4. Frank was consistently shit as the rounds went on, but Anna seemed to just get better and better. Leo’s not going to lie, he kind of got bored towards the end and Nico and him had a sweaty make-out session against the walls in a vacant hideout nobody used. He’s not the best example of a team player, but _hey_ , turns out Nico isn’t either. 

One more game, then they tie.

The last game is announced, “Death Toll”. The rules were simple;

  1. _Don’t die_



That was literally the only rule. Death Toll is the opposite to Shooting Frenzy, a game they played earlier where your deaths aren’t counted, instead Death Toll is one shot kill, no revival. The last team with a person in the game wins.

Sweaty and tired, he doesn’t even run when the airhorn blows, just sort of slugs around the corner. 

Leo doesn’t last long before he’s shot, by Percy, but he managed to get Hazel out right before he did. The kills are announced over the speaker for this one, soon enough Jason joins him at the base.

They’re both breathing heavily, faces portraying defeat. Another kill is announced over the loudspeaker: _Nico shot by Frank._

Leo made a surprised face and Jason mirrored it. _Frank?_

The speaker crackled again, another kill announced: _Percy shot by Frank._

Frank and Annabeth are the only ones left in the game now and Leo’s team is losing they’re fucking minds. Somehow, their worst player became their only chance. He stands up and starts whooping, joined by Percy, and Piper, who were also sitting in the out-zone.

“ _GO FRANK!! Yes king!!_ ”

“Frankie, I BELIEVE IN YOU!! You fucking bald-headed canadian, _I BELIEVE!”_

They’re a long minute where no shots can be heard from Apocalypse Run. Then, the loud speaker crackles to life one last time:

“ _Annabeth shot by Frank._ Team woopie doopie Wins!”

And then all hell broke loose.

Jason and Leo are screaming at the top of their lungs, Piper can’t stop laughing, and Frank returns victorious, earning a slap on the ass from Leo.

“YES FRANK! YES!”

Team bad bitches comes over to their base and Frank’s subjected to even more chaos. Hazel has tears running down her face and she won’t stop congratulating him, Annabeth shook his hand for _some fucking reason,_ Percy and Jason start exchanging war stories, making explosion noises with their mouths which is _definitely_ a habit that should have stopped after sixth grade but _apparently not for them._

They catch rides in several different cars, all heading to the same Red Robin to grab some food. Amidst the chaos of the drive, an orange Hazel brought for “sustenance” rose up. Because the high schoolers couldn’t be mature for _one second_ they made a game of throwing the orange to each others cars. Once into Piper’s window from Percy’s car, from which Leo emerged from the sunroof and chucked it at Jason’s car, where he caught it one handedly out the window.

“Orangey” was a shortlived legend, eventually getting run over by a red Prius on the main road, its citrusy body splatted on the asphalt under tire. The Prius was met with the mourning screams of several deranged high schoolers. It drove away faster. 

The horde of exhausted teens reach the Red Robbins and collapse into a giant booth made with red faux leather. An intimated waitress came to take their order, getting even more scared when the resounding answer was “ _Nothing with oranges”_. Let’s just say she was coming back later to ‘give them more time’.

“Can’t believe orangey died. What a _solider_.” Jason wiped away what might have been a real fucking tear.

“I would have given my life for orangey.” Leo said, getting nods and “me too”s from the others.

“Guys, its just an orange....?”

“Shut up, Frank.” They all said.

The waitress came back and everyone ordered individually, except Leo who wasn’t hungry, but Nico ordered him food anyway. Piper looked like she approved of that, and her respect for Nico went from like a -18 to a -10. Baby steps, okay? _Baby steps._

The starving highschoolers are met with greasy, hot french fries served in little red baskets that instantly lifted their spirits. Frank and Annabeth discussed their shooting tactics, Jason and Piper started being all lovey-dovey which made Leo actually gag. Jason literally _booped_ her _nose_ , absolutely _disgusting._

Faith in Piper dimished, he turns to Nico for entertainment. They play sticks, _y’know_ , that annoying finger game that everyone played in elementary school after tests were over. 

“Hey Leo, are you going on Mr. Staedler’s 6flags trip?” 

The question came from Jason and Leo responded without looking up from his sticks game. 

“No.”

“Aww, why not? everyone’s going. Its’s only....whats it this year? _eighty bucks?_ ” 

“I don’t have any money.” Leo said, tapping Nico’s fifth finger and eliminating one hand. ( _Yes, one more to go.)_

“Why don’t you just get your parents to pay for it? He’s not accepting checks this year, so its a bit of a hassle with the cash, but it’s doable.” Hazel asks, taking a sip of her soda.

There's a second where most everyone pauses to stare blankly at her until she remembers _that one very important little detail about Leo_ and Hazel’s eyes blow wide. She chokes on her sprite.

“ _I mean_ —nevermind!” She offers him a small, twinged smile. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’ve never really been on a field trip, my fosters probably won’t pay for it though.”

“Why not?” He can’t tell if they’re asking about the first part of his statement or the last, but he goes for the latter.

“I got in trouble with them recently.”

Conversation carries on at its normal rate, and Nico ends up beating him in sticks. Soon enough, their waitress brings out desert: two banana splits, and the rest of the employees come out to sing a rather awkward happy birthday song with way too much eye contact. Everybody digs into the desert, and while Percy is talking animately about a diving trip with his Dad, he gestures wildly with his spoon, that was decked with whipped cream, too hard. The whip flies across the table onto Leo’s face.

Percy lets out choked apology, too much laughing mixed in it to be telligable, and Nico laughs at the boy as well. He pointed to the various spots whipped cream was dotting his face.

“Here, no to the _left_ , Leo, thats not you’re— _do you know where left is?”_ The raven haired boy rolls his eyes. “Here.”

He wiped off the whipped cream, and stared annoyingly at the dot just under Leo’s lip.

“Wait—hold on.”

Nico reaches his head down and kissed the whip off his face, and smirked at the other boy’s stunned expression, before realizing _what_ he’d just done and _who_ he had done it in front of. The entire table looked at them.

“Woah, are you—you guys have some _serious bromance.”_ Hazel said.

And calling it a bromance, people believed her. It was laughed it off, Percy joking about how Leo totally “ _would be gay”._

Leo chuckles nervously, when inside his heart is racing, and he knows he’s was not ready for this. 

Him and Nico were dating, _sorta_. Leo had never explicitly mentioned it. Never. He thought it was going to be a secret, and he thought Nico wanted that too, but clearly Leo’s wrong. Leo still hasn’t come to terms with the fact that he might be _gay-gay_ , even though a few of friends claim to have known he was. How can they know something about Leo that he’s not sure of himself? Leo hopes its a fluke, but at the same time maybe he doesn’t.

He likes Nico but... Leo’s didn’t think he _could_ be gay after what happened—

Piper catches his eye and gives him a reassuring look. Leo still feels unsafe, even if its not warranted. He tenses up. 

Nico looks at him puzzled, Leo panics.  “ _God_ , quit being a fag and help me eat these french fries.” 

Leo swallows. Those are the words that left those mouth, and he can’t take them back. Nico only looks hurt for a second, before his expression turns miffed. _quitbeingafag_.

“Um, you shouldn’t really use _that_ word....” Hazel trails off. Everyone looks slightly disgruntled, some turning back to their own conversations. Piper gave him a look that said ‘were having a talk later.’

And as long as he didn’t look at Nico, Leo found that he didn’t really care. He got up from the table with a thump, causing heads to turn.

“I’ll say what i want,” the words spit out like venom. “ _Fucking faggots._ ”

And then he heads out the back door of the restaurant, letting it swing shut behind him. He leaned against the concrete wall, watching bugs buzz in the light over head.

Why did he say that. 

Things were going so good, and then he ruined it. He hopes Jason isn’t too mad at him for ruining his birthday party, he knows Piper is going to be. Leo can’t tell if she would try to talk to him out here, or if she would just stay in the restaurant.

It doesn’t matter. Leo takes her dab pen out of his pocket and takes a hit, letting it loosen his mind. There’s no desperation in it, he just needs something to soothe his mind. 

Shame, he was going to give it back to her today.

* * *

It turns out both of Leo’s guesses were wrong, Nico joins him outside the back of the restaurant. He shuts the door softly and looks at Leo who’s spitting clouds. 

“Hey.” He says. Its way too dismissive for the scene Leo pulled.

“Hey.”

Nico doesn’t say anything more, just goes up to him and gives him a light kiss on the lips, making Leo’s heart melt up like plastic on a grill. 

“So...What happened back there?” Nico asked.

Leo looked down at the dab, he really was such an idiot. “ _You_ tried to _out_ me.”

“I didn’t _out_ you. We were just being a couple, but in front of our friends. Nobody’s going to judge you.”

“Yeah?” Leo laughs bitterly, cause it was funny. He thought he was being clear.

“ _Yeah_.”

Leo shoves the dab back in his pocket. “I can’t Nico. You think I can, but I _can’t_. I’m not—I’m not ready, for any of this. All you guys? Fuckin, _being with you?_ I’m buggin’ out! _Why can’t you see that?!”_

He grips at his hair and Nico pulls his hand back, face snappy.

“ _Yes_ , _you can_. I did it. I did it years ago, I know how they’ll react. We’re going to go back in there, and we’re going to say sorry and that were dating and _whatever the fuck._ Please, i need this to be easy.” His boyfriend (?) sounds exhausted, and Leo feels bad. He wants to reach out and touch, but he doesn’t really deserve to. Leo doesn’t—

“I _can’t_.” He stressed, and oh god, theres tears pricking the corners of his eyes because why wont Nico understand? _(Why does nobody ever hear me? ~~I just want to matter—)~~_

“ _Yes you can!”_ Nico snaps. “You’re not the only one with issues right now, my sister is still in the hospital! Did you know she’s been in a fucking _coma_ for eight months?! _No!_ _Cause you never fucking asked!”_

He finishes his yelling and draws a breath. They’re both purging their emotions, because God knows Nico and Leo are the most emotionally constipated beings on the planet, but Nico had at least been trying. He was _trying_ to be more open, he basically started their entire relationship. It didn’t happen by mistake. He just needs Leo to do this _one thing._

“Please, i need something to be easy. I _promise_ it feels better after you do.” Nico says as he’s trailing a hand down Leo’s arm now, and the boy convinces himself to believe him. 

“Your sister’s in a coma?” Leo asked softly, leaning his head on Nico’s shoulders, he sighed out.

“Yeah. She—she fell from a really tall tree last summer. Bia always loved climbing.” He says.

“That’s like, the lamest way to get a coma.” Leo says with a small laugh, the boy beside him just looks at him with dark, tired eyes. He gets no laugh in return.

“I’m sorry.” Leo says, because thats all he can really do. 

But its not. He can do one more thing, and so him and Nico march back into the red robins.

* * *

His friends look at him with mixed faces, but mostly its concern, which is surprising. Leo swore they would be angry. So many eyes, looking at him expectantly, he shivers. ( _So many eyes....)_

Nico elbows him lightly in the ribs and he clears his throat.  “U-um. Sorry about what I said earlier, wasn’t really that cool of me.”

Nico grabs his hand and Leo continues; “...Also, its not a _bromance..?_ Wow, i hate that word. Nico and I are dating. I just wasn’t thinking...sorry for earlier.” He apologizes twice, because once just doesn’t seem enough.

“Wait, so you’re actually...” Percy trails off, andgives Nico a weird look.

“So you guys _are_ dating?” Jason asked, question directed at Nico, voice twinging upwards at the end.

“God, G race, do you have your listening ears turned on?” Nico’s irritated from having to deal with Leo’s bullshit, and now he had to repeat himself? _why is he friends with these people again?_ Leo hopes there aren’t other ears in this restaurant, he picks at his cuticles. 

“But yeah. Sorta.” Nico says, rubbing his thumb against Leo’s hand.  And that snaps Leo out of his daze. He slaps Nico’s arm.

“ _Sorta?!_ It was not ” _sorta_ ” when you had your tongue down my throat during laser tag.”

“ _Hey_!” Nico laughed, “I’m just saying you never said what you wanted to be!”

“ _Well neither did you!”_

Hazel starts gushing immediately, and Piper actually gives them a smile, concluding that Nico was good enough for Leo, for now. _For now._

Jason looks like his face is going to break fromsmiling and Percy is happy for them, but mostly just wants to go back to eating his ice cream. Secretely, he was still wary about the Latino. Annabeth acts like she knew all along, which she very well might have, and Frank just looked straight up confused.

“What? You’re gay? _So_ —so you’re not into my girlfriend.”

Leo made a face. “What? _ew no_. Why would I like _Hazel?”_

_“Hey!_ Whaddya mean _‘why would i like—“_

“Sorry Haze, didn’t mean it like that. You know i love ya, just not that way.”

Frank still needed a moment, clasping his hands together and staring at the french fries as if they held the answer to the meaning of Life. _Everything is a lie, and apparently Leo’s gay._

It’s as Nico described, a weight is lifted off his chest. Too bad there’s like, several other weights, but one at a time, right?

* * *

Jason’s birthday party was great. It was fun, he got to shoot people which is always a bonus, and he got greasy french fries out of it which honestly will make him love you in itself. But the whole time Nico couldn’t shake the sensation of being watched, and that’s because he was. 

Piper watched him like a hawk the entire day, especially when he was with Leo. Nico suspects Leo told her about their _thing_ , and while he’s not mad, _he’s sure as fuck scared._

There only about two times he got any hint of positive reception from Piper, and although her small nods were relieving, they raised his heart rate to a point that was probably dangerous. Piper looked like the kind of girl that would _actually kill_ for her best friend, and Nico being close to him activated her target-locking Terminator insticts, or something.

He swears sometimes she would look at him when Leo giggled at something he said and then turn her head to gaze into the distance, like a _goddamn super villain_. Nico metaphorically shit his pants. He didn’t know if he made a grave mistake or he was safe. It. was. terrifying.

And the best part was, _Leo didn’t even fucking notice._ Or if he did, he wasn’t helping Nico.

Its at the end of the night when Nico _thinks_ he can make an escape, but he crossed the line with luck. 

He had been giving Leo a goodnight kiss outside the restaurant in what he _thought_ was an excluded place, but he dared open his eyes for _just a second—_

—and there she fucking was. Thirty paces away, watching with the blank eyes of psychopath.

Nico remembers choking on the kiss and Leo moving back, startled. The boy grabbed his arm and looked at Nico bewildered, not knowing he had just doomed Nico with his body language. Piper caught him and pulled him aside as he was leaving.

That brings him to now, looking into the eyes of a feather-braided haired, glossy lipped, champion-sweatpant-wearing _demon_. The Red Robins french fries worked his way up his stomach and Nico had to conciously keep his eyes from shifting away from her. _I’m fucking dead,_ Nico concluded.

“So” she started, looking Nico up and down. “You and Leo have been getting.... _close_.” She said as if the words pained her.

Nico feels like he needs to say something, and the words work his way up his throat. Or maybe its just the french fries again? 

“I know you and Leo are best friends and I will never take away from that, but I want to date him. I really like him, and i think he does too.” 

Ok, so _definitely not the french fries then._ Piper takes his words into consideration, and for once she doesn’t look like intends on killing him, more like a faint idea of maybe severely injuring him. _Progress_.

“I don’t know much about your guys’ relationship but...I know how Leo is—his mind works... _weirdly_. I’ve known him for years, and if someone is there to give Leo affection of any kind, he accepts it. Even if he doesn’t want it, or its not a good relationship.” She said.

Piper’s implying that Leo doesn’t like him as much as he shows, or as much Nico likes him. He should feel angry, but the words are coming from the person who knows Leo the best, so he has to take into account that they might be.... _valid_. Nico shrinks a bit.

“I don’t know for sure.” She says at Nico’s sad look, like slapping a band-aid on a giant slash wound. “It’s just an observation. _I’m_.... I’m sorry. I don’t know what to share with you if i’m being honest. I would give you a run down on how to act with him, but i’m not sure how Leo would like that. He doesn’t like people knowing too much about him, for some reason.”

It’s the one time Nico has seen her look unsure of herself, and it makes him realize that she’s not a big scary demon ready to claw his eyes out if he makes one wrong move. Piper is a protective friend, she cares a lot for Leo. ....And maybe all this protectiveness must mean Leo is prone to getting hurt.

_He’s fragile,_ Nico realizes. Even though he doesn’t show it, or tries really hard not to, Leo is fragile. And that’s why Piper is so protective of him, she doesn’t want him to break.

“I’ll be...careful, I suppose. If you think he needs it. _Hell_ , you’re right about Leo not telling me anything though. It took me a month to learn he was in foster care.”

Piper was miffed. “ _A month?_ It took me _three_! little fucker....”

“I would be open, to your um, _rundown_.” Nico says awkwardly, they were talking about Leo as if he was an especially difficult piece of IKEA furniture they had to assemble. One screw in the wrong place and your entire fucking modern floating bookshelf comes crashing down. 

“Okay, sure....To start, Leo gets angry and violent, but if any anger is shown towards him he shrinks, and there’s a very small balance point between that.” She speaks from experience.

”You’re going to fail at that a bunch before you find it. He doesn’t ever ask for help, so you have to offer it. Multiple times. Um....Try not to yell at him too much? Like, _you’re going to want to knock some sense into him,_ but don’t. Thats....thats all i’m going to share.”

Then, Piper smiles at him, which should definitely not trigger Nico’s flight or fight response but it did. 

“Oh, and if you hurt him, you will die an _untimely_ death.” Piper says, right before skipping to her car. 

Nico feels his knees wobble and he shakily walks back to Percy’s car. God, he needs to go to sleep.

* * *

_Monday, 8:56 am; Southwest Highschool boys bathroom, ground level:_

The pills spilled over the ceramic rim of the toilet, multicolor capsules and tablets raining down like some fucked up waterfall.

_(shit shit shit shit shit—-)_

His pale hands shook as they repeatedly hit the flush handle, water swirling the rainbow mess away and sloshing onto the floor violently. He then scrambles across the floor on his hands and knees to scrape the lost bits together and thrusted them into the water. Breaths getting quicker, he watched them spiral down, _down_. 

Outside the stalls barking echoed, the ruckus getting louder with each second. _They’ll be here soon,_ The hooded figure sprints to the wall at the bathroom entrance and pressed himself against it, trying to disappear into the grimy white tile. Only when the sounds of footsteps and sniffing hounds long faded did he dare peak out. He was met with empty hallways.

Alone in the big bathroom, the figure took in a breath too big for his lungs and slid down the wall, using his still wet hands to clutch his head. 

He held tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote the “coming out” scene for this about three times, the first one was quick with positive reception, but then i didnt think it was realistic for Leo to be okay with that at all, so i wrote it a way that was much more problematic. and then i edited it? part of me rlly just wanted the first one because it was so damn cute but i knew it wouldnt fit in with the “no bullshit” theme of this story so sadly it had to go bye bye
> 
> i have been waiting to put the last part in for WEEKS, yes. yes.
> 
> me, delusional from lack of sleep writing about oranges for some fucking reason: yes, perfect its all going according to plan, this will add so much to the plot—  
> i didnt have the heart to take it out lmao 💀💀  
> excerpt at the beginning was from “thousand eyes” by FKA twigs, who is an excellent music artist that i recommend listening to. Magdalene was a masterpiece. 🖤
> 
> there are parts in the future i have to write that incluse legal stuff, and i want it to be as accurate as possible, but its also very hard to write something involving legal issues that is realistic, practical, dramatic, not too long, and entertaining.
> 
> should i give up the realistic parts to keep it shorter and more interesting? or do you guys actually want to learn this stuff? 🤨🤨
> 
> 🖤🖤🖤


	11. ecstasy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Euphoria comes with a price, Leo learns. He has a few visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am becoming increasingly depressed its crazy. woke up at 11:30 am, didnt eat an actual meal until 6pm, then went to bed at 3am. i didnt go outside ONCE. i lost five pounds in a week and the bags under my eyes just keep getting thicccer. 😌✌️
> 
> anyways, enjoy this (?) 
> 
> warnings: implied/refrenced sexual abuse, drug use, underage drinking

_ sad child _

_ that squirms in the beneath_

_ once so tender but now brittle _

_ alight your senses and dance with me _

_ seraphs sing, but they cannot save you now _

_ feed the monster running in your veins _

_ and dance with me  _

_ stardust _

_ a shimmer on your nose _

_ it doesnt matter as long as you dance  _

_ up high, high in my golden kingdom _

_ but dont expect me to help you when you fall _

_ scream and thrash_

_ as does the monster that swallowed you whole _

_ sad child _

_come back when you are ready to dance again _

* * *

The hospital always had a weird scent; like someone tried to cover up the smell of death with cleaning products and cherry jell-o cups.

Rachel wasn’t all to fond of it, but she needed the internship and volunteer hours. “ _It looks damn good on a college resume”,_ as her father said. Most of the time if she stayed out of view she didn’t have to work, just check up on a few patients and mop a few floors and she can check out.

There was this one patient though that Rachel liked to see.

It was a young girl on the fourth floor, and every time Rachel would peak by she was always laying in the hospital bed, unable to wake from her deathless sleep. The occasional beep from a monitor  was the only tell that she was alive.

The girl was beautiful. 

Long dark hair fell onto her pillow, limp but not lifeless. Her skin was pale from lack of sun, but faint freckles were still visible on her cheeks, a reminder of prior days spent in the sun. _They look like sesame seeds,_ she mused. Rachel likes to think if she ever opened her eyes they would be brown—the color of espresso beans. 

The patients name was Bianca, she was seventeen, Rachel thinks. There was something about her that drew the red haired girl in. She looked so lonely, so cold.

Sometimes she would come in and play on her phone, or draw (on the patient files, but Rachel never got in trouble for it) Even though she would never be aware, she wanted to keep the girl company. 

Rachel placed down a vase of cheap flowers she grabbed from the grocery store, and threw away the dead wilted ones.

She hesitated as she looked down at the patient. Coma-ridden, the girl breathed softly. 

Rachel brushed her hands against her cold finger tips but wasn’t given any response. She wants to know this person. What her life was like, what she likes, what she doesn’t. Rachel wanted to know how she ended up in the deathly white hospital bed. 

She tucks a stray strand of hair from Bianca’sface before leaving. 

* * *

Piper had pictures of her and Jason up already, Leo noticed.

They were printed out and thumbtacked to the wall—smiling pictures of his best friend and his other friend. The mini version of Jason was laughing at the camera, noise scrunched up and eyes squinted, his dimples were showing. Piper was grinning at him like he was everything to her. They looked like they were in love.

Another thing Piper didn’t tell him, he realized. 

Leo wants to know what he did wrong, because this must mean Piper and him are drifting and he doesn’t know what to do. Leo’s never drifted from anyone before, he didn’t feel as sad as he thought he would, but that could be said for a lot of things Leo feels. 

He’s laying on Piper’s soft bed, looking up at the ceiling, curls splayed around his head like a halo. 

“Hey, you alright over there macro? Don’t be tweaking on me.” Piper calls. She sits at her desk, definitely from IKEA, pausing from her homework to check in on him.

Leo tilts his head back and looks at her, the world flipped upside down. Piper’s chewing the end of her pencil, a habit that Leo’s disgustingly fond of, and swivels her chair. 

“Yeah, i’m cool.” Leo sits up and surveys the room.

They’re in Piper’s bedroom, which is such a contrast from Leo’s own it hurts. Her furniture is new, her bed is covered with a white duvet, and the carpet always smells faintly of expensive perfume and weed. There’s a sewing machine in the corner surrounded by mountains of scrap fabric and designs, right next to her bathroom, which by the way, connects to her room.

Piper’s the kind of girl who’s never moved once, so her room is all kinds of personalized; One Direction posters still on the wall from that one phase she had in eighth grade, three year old paint stains on the carpet, and various medals hanging from pins on the wall . She has the money to afford the minimalistic aesthetic, but isn't neat enough to keep it.

Leo pursues his lips. _(I could have a minimalistic style....i have like, what? four things? i’m a trendy bitch)_ Then he stops and thinks realistically. _(Oh wait, i’m just poor)_

He giggles to himself and ignores the stare Piper gives him. 

A muffled noise interrupts Leo’s thoughts and Marquis comes trailing out of the bathroom, eyes wide and blood dribbling from his lip. Piper sighs and gets up from her desk, fuzzy socks making little stomps on her floor. 

“You guys are so hard to deal with.” She says, grabbing a tissue.

Piper tries to dab the blood off his face but he pushes her hand away confused. “What?”

“Marqy, you bit your lip again.” 

“Oh.” 

Marquis had a habit of accidentally chomping on his tongue when he’s high, because he “can’t feel it”. Leo rolls his head back and smiles at the teen getting the mom treatment from Piper, who smiles back goofily.

“We haven’t done anything cool in a while.” Leo sighs. 

“Thats because you two are so depressed you won’t do anything but sit around and mooch of my marijuana stash.” She says, frustratingly dabbing at the blood that kept coming, Marquis looked like a Walking Dead extra now.

He grabbed the tissue from her and went back into the bathroom to wash his mouth out. 

Piper huffed. “Rach gets off work in like twenty minutes anyway, ask her to take you somewhere.”

Leo hums. “Red don’t got a job. Ain’t she working an internship at the hospital or something?”

Marquis nods, the bleeding had finally stopped but he still had a tissue stuck in mouth. ( _Dumbass....)_ He sinks into Piper’s all too fluffy bed and throws an arm around Leo. 

“A few people are going to the compound tonight,” Marquis smiles sharp, Leo thinks his smile lookslike the shark from Nemo. “I’m sure _Sacagawea_ here has a few bottles of tequila to spare.”

 _ “_ _Racist. _ _” _

Marquis sticks out his tongue. “Can’t be racist, i’m  _black_ .” 

Leo snorts air through his nose. “I haven’t been to the compound in hot minute, but the kids there are...”

“Aw, come on. I’ll make sure nobody beats you up or whatever,” Piper throws a pen at Marquis’ head from across the room, “ _Ow_ , that wasn’t very cash money of you  _Piper._ You in?” 

Leo nods, and Piper says that she’ll go if they go.

* * *

“I thought you said it would be a few people.”

Marquis’ face twinged. “Uh, well i did say it was a _thought—“_

Rachel turned off her car and Leo sunk into his seat, trying to disappear. 

The compound had practically turned into a rave, and it was only ten o’clock. 

Around a hundred teenagers spread across the concrete and fields, someone had brought a stereo, and music pumped throughout the area. Kids were laying in fields, drinking alcohol straight out of the bottle. Even the country-bum kids found their time to shine; their truck beds were a hotspot for chicks who were skilled in giving lap dances that could be described by only one word; _Underage._

“ _Oh no_. You guys are not bailing out on this, i had to drive your asses all the way out here and i’m _not_ leaving until you go goof around for at least two hours.” Rachel said.

Leo hops out of her car, because when Rachel speaks, people tend to listen. Also he’s not 100% sure she’s above driving off without them.

The party was like a fever dream; degenerates from all over the county meeting up to drink each other’s alcohol, puke, and make out. Leo’s pretty sure there’s a couple not twenty feet away having steamy field sex. _God,_ he’s not in the mood for this.

Leo ducks away from the group and leans against someone’s truck door. He slips out the ecstasy thats been waiting in his pocket and pops it like a tic-tac. 

_(not...not the cat guys. i don’t eat cats—)_

He turns his head to the left where a kid was staring, presumably the truck owner based off his flannel shirt and embroidered jeans. The kid eyes widened but when Leo raised his brows he looked away.

Kicking off the truck, the boy heads to the bonfire, sort of hoping there would be s’mores but knowing better. _(maybe if s’mores flavored whiskey was a thing...wait is it—)_

The fire burned brightly in the center of the circle of impromptu benches and the backpacks being used as seats, flames reaching three feet into the sky because of the old homework and food wrappers the teens fed it. Leo supposes that symbolizes something, but he doesn’t know what.

Everywhere he looks there are familiarity faces, a lot of kids from SWH buzzed around the compound, pretending like they were older than they are.

Leo felt his anxieties sink away quickly, like a lead weight in water. T he bass in the music was hitting his body harder, moving in rhythms he didn’t think anyone else could hear. A blurry figure walked up to him and Leo laughs when his eyes recognize Marquis. The boy has a big smile on his face and he’s holding a cup of something strong, the smell wafting up to Leo’s nose. 

“You enjoying yourself, Leo?” He laughed, throwing an arm around his shoulders like old times. 

“Yeah, everything’s so....vivid. See anyone from Southwest worth talking to?”

Marquis threw back the rest of his drink. “Not really, but that chick over there keeps giving me looks.” he wiggled his eyes brows at a girl across the fire, she has pretty brown hair and long tan legs, she waves back flirtaciously. Definitely Marquis’ type.

“Try not to bite her tongue.” 

He gets punched lightly for that and Marquis walks off to talk to the brown haired beauty. Leo can’t stop smiling, because for some reason everything felt so good. His eyes feel like they’re doing backflips in his skull, so he closes his eyes and opens them again. 

The world is a flurry of flashing lights and pounding music, lyrics blurred, like someone threw the world into a mixing bowl and started following a Martha Stewart recipe. The thrill is shaking in his bones and Leo has not felt this happy in.... _forever. ~~(?)~~_

Through his daze of laughing and joking with people from SWH, a person grabs his arm.

Leo spins around to find Luke. He’s staring at the joyful boy with a weird look on his face, he just smiles back.

“Oh hey, _Lukey_. Long time no see, isn’t this great?” Leo gestures around him and the blond in front of him offers him a twinged smile.

“We need to talk.”

“No we don’t. C’mon, just dance with me.” Leo grabs his hands and swirls himself under the taller teen, who frowns at Leo.

“Are you on something?”

“ _Mhmmn_. Ecstasy baby.” He giggled into Luke’s shoulder. He leads the boy away from everybody, Leo doesn’t know where their going but he doesn’t mind, he just keeps singing lyrics he can’t hear.

They sit down in a slightly more secluded part of the field. The ground is dewy, and it feels weird on Leo’s fingers. Silky.

“Hey,” fingers snap in his face, grabbing his attention. “Where have you been lately?”

“I switched to Northride. You know that though.” Leo says, letting his head rest against the other’s arm. Luke looks down at the boy and licks his lips.

“Yeah. Yeah....you never say hang out with us anymore. Are those rich kids really that entertaining?”

Leo shakes his head and giggles. “No, no. I text you, but you don’t answer your messages.Thought i was being ghosted.” He snorts.

“Oh, i had to switch my number. For reasons.” 

_“_ For reasons.” Leo nods. He’s about to get up and find Piper, but Luke holds him back, a hand on his knee.

“Hey, _hey_. Stay for a minute.” Luke leans over him, his breath stinks of alcohol. “I missed you.”

Leo’s confused, because his brain is saying that he’s happy, but its also sending panic signals. He looks up at the other boy.

Through blurred words, a hand is inched up his leg, pressing softly. Leo tried to brush it away but he seems to forget where his hands are. 

“You’re really pretty.” Luke whispered, inching closer, a hand was on his shoulder now, rubbing against his collar bone.

His bliss quickly turns to extreme paranoia and Leo starts breathing quicker, the mixed signals he was getting from both his brain and Luke were confusing the _fuck_ out of him and Leo’s _been_ in this position before _—_

No. _no no no_ _no no_. The swirling effects of the MDMA scramble his mind up, Luke’s sharp features start morphing into a face he never wanted to see again—

Leo wanted to throw up, the hand on his thigh burned.

The man, no longer Luke, careens down for a kiss and catches his lips but Leo hurriedly pulls his face down. There are soft tears at the corners of his eyes but ironically he still can’t stop smiling, Leo’s in hell. Actual hell, as the larger man frowns and pushes him down, breathing along his neck. 

“I thought you liked me.” The words make him close his eyes fiercely, tears finally falling from the pedestals of his cheeks. 

Leo gasps but he can’t hear himself. “Please, stop.” The words are so small, like himself. _So, so small._

There are hot lips trailing his neck and cold fingers creeping on his stomach, Leo flinches away. _(Not again)_

Until there isn’t, in the midst of things someone pushes the man away and yanks Leo from the grass. Looking down, Luke stares up at them. _(Oh. so its not—)_

“ _Fuck off dude!”_ Marquis’ voice breaks through the blur and Leo turns to him. His eyes are stormy, and his dark skin is covered with a thin sheen of sweat. He leads Leo away, back to the campfire where Piper and Rachel were dancing. Rachel had since lost a shoe and Piper’s hair escaped its braids.

“Are you okay? Holy shit— _are you crying?”_ Brown eyes scrunch up at him and Leo is now hyper aware that he was freaking earlier, his fingers brush his skin, wiping the tears away.

“N-no, i’m straight.”

Marquis had never seen Leo cry before, it was not possible. He grabs Rachel’s attention, she looks annoyed with him until she sees Leo, seemingly froze in place and wiping tears from his spaced out eyes. She grabs her keys.

Back in the car, Rachel offers to drive him home. 

“I’m okay, i swear. Luke didn’t do nothing.” He said.

Marqy rolled his eyes, lips pressed into a firm line, he had his arms crossed in a defensive stance, trying to defend them from dumb nosy teens. “He was all over you, and you were crying. _Fuck you mean he didn’t do nothing?_ You didn’t even _move_ until i came over.”

“I’m okay though! i just freaked because....” The tab he took over clouded Leo’s judgement, in his mind there was no barrier to saying the truth. “Cause i’d been in that situation before with someone else.” 

“Oh.” Marquis said. And then, the words hit him, _“Ohhh_. Um—“

“I’m not talking about it.” Leo said. He wasn’t upset, just wanted to get back to the party.

Rachel’s mouth opened and she reached out, before drawing her hand back. “Okay....do you still want me to take you home?”

The answer to that was a no, and Leo gleefully rejoined the party, Luke’s face wasn’t seen there again. 

The music, the lights, it drowned everything else out, leaving only happiness. Leo was happy, goofing around with strangers he wouldn’t remember the next day. He watched some  wasted dude twerk on top of a car roof to Brittany Spears’ Toxic, Leo joined everyone’s catcalls and rooted him on.

Piper’s tipsy ass went on a mission to capture all the stray cats, _pspspsp_ -ing at them like a crazy lady. Rachel and the rest spent a good twenty minutes laughing hysterically at a forgotten sandwich in the grass, because for some reason that was _ridiculously_ funny to them at the time. (they named it Bartholomew)

The night somehow ended with Leo crashing down in a shopping cart Marquis had been driving him around in after he tried to “ _drift like in Mario Kart”,_ clutching a bottle of tequila and laughing so hard he cried again. 

Vaguely, he remembers getting a ride back to Piper’s place where he slept, coupled up with his best friend. She let him borrow a Frozen blanket, Sven smiling back at him as he closed his tired eyes.

It was pure ecstasy.

* * *

Phone call heard at 12:34 pm:

_ (I’m telling you its the only way. C’mon, where else are you going to get the money?” _

_ “I just want to make sure you’re very sure of what you saw.” _

_ “Saw? It’s nearly announced every day. I promise, just look in the file cabinet beside the desk. Tons of cash.” _

_ “I don’t know how to pick a lock.” _

_ “Then fucking learn! I don’t—I don’t want you to end up dead. Is that what you want?” _

_ “You’re right. But who takes the—) _

* * *

“I’m afraid you’re not making any progress, Leo.” Ms. Simmons looks at him seriously. “Actually, it seems you’ve regressed.”

Leo rolls his neck and taps his fingers on his leg. Like every week, he’s cooped up in his psychiatrist’s office. It’s cramped walls were the exact color of ‘depression beige’ and the motivational posters on the wall seemed to mock him. Saying shit like “ _There’s always a rainbow after the rain”,_ as if comparing chemical imbalances with the weather made any fucking sense. He wants to get out of here already.

“What do you mean?”

She chews her bottom lip faintly, clacking her perfectly gelled nails against the clipboard resting in her hands. 

“Before, you were opening up. Letting me into your life. But lately it seems like you’ve closed again. You’re acting the same as you did your first couple appointments with me, whats wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Leo scoffed. “Maybe you’re just paranoid, Ms. Sims. You seein’ shit too?” 

She doesn’t react to his snappiness, knowing better.It’s exactly like his younger self. 

“That’s what I mean.” She pauses and looks at the boy in front of her, slouching on the couch, watching the clock ticking in the corner. It’s metronome beat resonated  in his head.

“How are you? Northride working for you?”

Leo just keeps staring at the clock hands, everything melting into one big headache. (He just wants to ~~leave~~ )

“Leo?” She questions, face growing concerned. “....How’s Piper?”

“Bitchy.” He says, not even looking at her.

With a huff, the psychiatrist gets up and stomps to her desk, placing one pointy heel on it, and then following with the other. She stands on top of her desk and lifts the clock off the wall. Leo watched with an amused face as she struggled to get down, and then threw the time telling device out in the hall with a huff.

Ms. Simmons sits back in her chair and righted herself, as if it didn’t happen. She flipped her hair, resuming professionalism. 

“Did ya have fun up there?” Leo laughs sharply. “I’m sure any other client would have enjoyed looking up your skirt, but i’m good.”

The woman in front of him has to take a deep breath, eyes closed and everything. “Are you done? We only have fifteen minutes left and I haven’t heard anything from you, Leo.”

“Maybe there’s nothing to say.”

They stare hard at each other, once more becoming the rivals they were when Leo first walked into her office.

“I don’t believe there can ever be nothing to say. There’s always something happening, good or bad. And you know I can only assume it was bad if you’re not talking to me.”

“Everything’s fine.”

“ _Anddd,_ that leads me to believe its not.”

Leo runs a shaking hand through his hair, and holds back a yell. Ms. Simmons knows how to push his buttons. “ _Jesus christ_ —always coming up with these new angles, Ms. Sims. I bet your husband’s so pleased.”

“I’m not married.”

“Whatever.”

She sighs. “Joking is your coping mechanism, so what are you coping with? You know this is a safe space. C’mon Leo, i know you. Something caused you to be like this, i want to help.”

And thats the fucking thing. There’s nothing to help, he’s not _‘like anything’,_ he’s just tired and really wants to go to fucking sleep. But he _can’t._

“And what if I told you i’m just really fucking tired?” He says. “I’m so—so sick of all this _bullshit_. Just let me go. You _have_ to let me go.”

She looks Leo in the eye, fierce brown meeting even fiercer brown. Ms. Simmons collects her papers, tapping them a few times against her leg to straighten them out, and holds her head high. 

“Then leave.” She says. “I will not treat someone who does not want to be treated.”

Leo can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Really?”

She nods to the door and the boy hops up quick, grabbing his stuff in a matter of seconds, and almost skips out of her office, smiling like he won the lottery.

And when the door clicks shut, Ms. Simmons looks at the spot where he once sat. Several seconds pass as she’s frozen , poised in her typical demeanor like a painted picture. But then she falters, and a hand is thrown up to her mouth in attempts to cover up the choked sob that escapes. Because, after all, doesn’t she have feelings too? 

* * *

Eavesdropping is a second nature to Leo, he basically came into this world listening to things he shouldn’t. Which is why he has no problem doing it once he hears a familiar voice downstairs.

He hides behind the creme colored walls, not peeking out but just close enough he could hear:

“Are you sure you don’t want some tea? I’ve got plenty, or— _ooh!_ I think we have some hummus left in the fridge from—“

“I’m good, Mrs. McKinney, thank you.”

“Well, right....”

“About Leo—“

“Ah, yes! Why you’re here of course. I think Leo’s doing _absolutely great_ here, Church and Northride have really been a help to him. He’s improved so much since—“

“I was hoping to just speak to Leo, actually.”

“Oh....Right this way.”

Leo dashes back upstairs as quick as he could, making as little noise as possible. He clambers on his bed and acts casual when a knock at his door comes not long after.

“Come in.”

Mr. Martin swings the door open, eyes holding fondness somewhere in the deep, vast expanse of exhaustion. 

His social worker was a fairly handsome man, if not for his _much-past-five_ o’clock shadow and the troubled look on his face that never left. Mr. Martin was in his mid-thirties, tall, white, and with a bullshit meter constantly set to zero.

He locks eyes with Leo.

“So,” he leans on the door frame, “You didn’t kill anyone or run away yet.”

Leo smiles at him, a sharp teethy grin. “And you didn’t quit your job yet.”

His social worker snorts and pulls over the chair from Leo’s desks to sit in. Leo folds up his legs on his bed. 

“I could never quit this job, too many children in need....You’re actually the good child today.”

Leo lifts his eyebrows. “What did they do?” he asks, because someone else messing up is the only way _he’d_ be the good child.

Mr. Martin sighs and grips the chair. “Someone thought it was a good idea to take off all the shower curtains and use them to build a fort in the group home. Long story short, the curtains are now in shreds and the chef got knocked out with a pan.”

“ _Tough_.”

“No kidding,” He said. Martin looked at Leo and threw his other problems to the back of his mind. “How are you though?”

“I’m good.” Leo says.

Mr. Martin doesn’t believe that. “I spoke with Ms . Simmons on the phone, and she doesn’t seem to think so. Actually, she’s very concerned for you.”

“I’m fine.” He reiterates with a huff. Ms. Sims, such a _snitch_.

The man pauses and he still doesn’t believe Leo, but he stops digging. Martin glances to the door to his bedroom that was still open a creak.

“Is it your fosters? They are the only ones that would take you, Leo. But are they treating you okay?”

“They’re good. They treat me well.”

Irritated by the kid’s short answers, Martin drag a hand down his face and closes his eyes. “Christ,” he blinks open one eye and peers from under his hand, “What if I said i have another home lined up for you, one that i think would be a much better fit?”

Leo perks up, intrigued. “Then I would say they treat me _horribly_.”

The man nods his head. “It’s going to take a few weeks, you’ll know why later. Treat the McKinney’s well though, okay? They’re good people, just a bit, _different_.”

Beside him, Leo’s phone dings, as he had forgotten to turn the ringer off. He glances at the message from Nico, biting his lip. 

Martin reaches for the phone. “Who’s that?” he says with a smile. 

Against Leo’s will, his body flinches roughly away from the man and he jerks his phone closer. 

Martin frowns at his body language, times like these reminding him of Leo’s past, which of course, had not healed. Like putting a bandage on a raw wound, it will not scab over, and when you remove the bandaid its just as fleshy and hurt as it was before. 

“It’s nobody.” Leo says, staring strictly at his lap. 

Mr. Martin nods. He pauses, “Can I give you a hug? Like old times. ”

“I hate hugs.” Leo recites quietly. 

The corners of the mans lips lift up, and wraps his arms around the boy, who puts a chin on his shoulder. “And i love hugs,” He finishes their old saying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hnnnnjasnbssnsn;’sn  
> so that was a trip. (haha get it?)
> 
> ok so the bandaid reference was based off how when you take a bandaid off the wound is still open and the skin is all white and dehydrated and shit. It’s only when you take the bandaid off and let it scab over does it actually heal, proving that bandaids are only a temporary solution.
> 
> Leo’s bandaids are jokes, substance abuse, and pushing people away. Because its easier to do than actually risk healing, but not as long term. 
> 
> metaphors. yay. 
> 
> Mr. Martin. ; __ ; king. 
> 
> “always coming up with these new angles, ms.sims. i bet your husband’s so pleased” that was a sex joke haha. haha? new angles? get it cause—
> 
> by the way none of the main teens in this story are written as antagonists, even luke. like real life, theyre just characters with different goals bumping into each other, like the dvd logo on a TV. shit happens. like some antags are just written weird, theyre goal is like “world domination” or “i want to see evrything burn” and its like why?? its never explained why they want those things. everyones out here just trying to survive, care for their loved ones, and that greater purpose goal just seems like bullshit.
> 
> protagonists too, like you guys really just want to “make the world a better place”? tf? not really human nature. everyones on a 3d scale of motives, and sometimes shit just bumps together. 
> 
> it might just be me idk. these are my depressed high thoughts of course, i just feel like nobody’s as good or bad as they claim. 
> 
> should i keep this teen rated? i think im going to keep it teen rated. i switched it to mature once, because i thought maybe it was a bit much, but other stories put in a lot more sensitive content under the teen label sooo. 0 _ 0


	12. the four r’s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes, Teenage shenanigans; playing video games, running from the police, getting banned from libraries—
> 
> Wait, what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am back tee hee 👉👈
> 
> very much dumb shit ahead, but its like the end of the cliff where after this everything sucks so enjoy it while it lasts ig :))
> 
> *me shamefully going back to chapters and changing some format* ; __ ; this is fine

* * *

_ dont cry _

_ crying is not made for you _

_ quit it before the fire comes _

_ close your lips and obey _

_ the roaches crawl over your pretty body _

_ your only use _

_ who will care for you if not me? _

_ you cannot be loved _

_ you are not supposed to be here _

_ if it werent for me you would have ended it _

_ wouldnt you, stain of the world? _

* * *

Leo swung by the 7-eleven two days after the the compound party. 

Travis was not particularly happy to see his sorry-ass so soon. Leo shot him finger guns in return, payed for his Vicodin, and ditched the place. Then, he proceeded to hole himself up in his bedroom to avoid interacting with the outside world, because why do _that_ when you can get high alone and depressed in the walls of a house that make you feel like an intruder?

Something is _clearly clinically wrong with him,_ but he’s going to ignore it for a little while longer or his name isn’t Leo _goddamn_ Valdez.

Sitting at his desk, Leo goes on his phone. For some reason, Annabeth’s contact is ‘recently used’ in his messages. He reads the messages. They’re from yesterday.

**blonde bitch blow your mind:** Hey, I was wondering if you had joined any clubs at school yet?

_no why wuld i do that_

_i dont like clubs_

_ur my club baby_

**blonde bitch blow your mind:** I’m not a club but k. 

_smooch_

**blonde bitch blow your mind:** Well what if I found one that you might like?

_i’m listening_

**blonde bitch blow your mind** : it’s the school’s poetry and literary club

_nvm im not listening_

**blonde bitch blow your mind:** Why not? You might like it

_no_

_srry anna but that sounds rlly lame, also im not good at writing shit_

**blonde bitch blow your mind:** It’s not lame. I’m only asking because after the seniors from last year left we don’t have many members, only four. Including me. 

_sorry_

_but not rlly my problme_

**blonde bitch blow your mind:** You’re so annoying. The club will get closed down if we don’t have at least five. Can you just come to the meeting? You don’t have to do anything else except sign your name on a paper, don’t even have to show up.

_okay i guess_

_can i just swing by tmmrw i cant rihgt now_

**blonde bitch blow your mind:** Okay, thanks. But if you text Nico like this i’m surprised that you’re still together.

_meanie_

Leo must have been really, _really_ high. He slumps over in his chair and groans too theatrically to not have an audience. 

If Leo could kill High Leo, he would. Stab the little fucker until finely minced. Anything to stop it from agreeing to shit he doesn’t want to do. 

He could just...not go? Annabeth wouldn’t expect otherwise. She doesn’t have high expectations for Leo.

Leo leans back in his chair and takes a deep breath.

”I’m a flake, aren’t I?” He questions, to nobody.

* * *

He has to walk there.

The school is about a mile away, and its showing in the form of putting actual holes in his shoes. Leo smokes a spliff on the way deciding that sobriety was not the way to approach the situation. (It never was, was it?)

Half lidded and flippant, he strolls into a room of nerds, says hi, and writes his name on a sheet of paper without thinking about it all too much.

He can’t really afford to think right now.

* * *

Nico is, as dreadfully as ever, bored.

He calls Thalia, but she doesn’t answer. Nico doesn’t know why he expects otherwise. She never answers. He then tries to find the will to do his laundry, but its not like he was _actually_ planning on doing it, and he snacks around the house, filling up on Cheez-its and little pepperoni slices his mother always got hand-cut from their favorite Italian deli down the block: _Carnecelli’s._

_Maybe i could put pepperoni slices on the Cheez-its,_ Nico thinks, before mentally cussing himself out for not thinking of it earlier.

He didn’t want to hang out with Percy. So mething about being around him dredges up a sick feeling in Nico’s stomach—a potent mix of dread and regret—memories of a twisted body being wheeled out on a stretcher, the deafening blare of an ambulance, and Percy hurriedly trying to explain things, as if hand gestures were going to make up for the fact thats she fell, _and he didn’t catch her._ It all gurgled up in his stomach uncomfortably. Nico has yet to find a grudge he can’t hold.

And once he had completely run out of things to do, he called up Leo. Which brings them to now—Leo splayed out on the floor while Nico plays Xbox.

The boy’s eyes were closed and dark lashes brushed against his cheeks. Nico stared for a moment, hiding his character in CSGO so to not be killed. Still effortlessly pretty, Leo’s wearing Nico’s red hoodie. 

Nico’s eyes trail down his face, from the smooth dark caramel skin to slightly chapped lips, all the way down to his neck and ever prominent collarbones and—

There’s a small hickey purpling on the tan of Leo’s neck, he notices.

Nico had _not_ given Leo a hickey.

Alarming noises from his Xbox lets Nico know someone’s shooting at him, and he turns his attention back to the game, albeit pressing the buttons a little harder this time. 

_(Maybe it’s nothing....maybe its from before we started dating.)_

Had Nico given Leo a hickey? He can’t remember.

Nico stares back at his boyfriend, ignoring the death of his character. The mark looked too new.

Leo slowly blinked his eyes open and glanced at Nico’s TV before flinching away from the bright light. He made a sad mumbling noise and buried his face in Nico’s gray bedroom carpet.

With a sigh, Nico gets up and turns the TV off, as well as the lights, leaving only the slight natural light from his window to illuminate the room. Leo lifts his head up.

“Thanks.” he says softly.

Nico brushes it off. “Why are you so tired?”

The boy hums and burrows his head into his arms. “I was, fuckin, uh....” He trails off, “I was out last night and stayed up too late. Sorry _.”_

“S’okay.” Nico opened his arms. “Come here.”

The boy propped himself up and half-laid on Nico, resting his head on his bony shoulder. Leo’s curls on his shoulder rustled every time the boy made a slight movement. His hair smells like old marijuana smoke—it’s almost sweet smelling. Nico’s starting to realize the person he’s dating is a bit of a stoner.

“Your hair smells like weed.” Nico said.

“Mhm.”

“You smoke too much.” He added.

“Mhm.”

Nico grumbled, and the boy next to him shifted upwards, looking up at him with a facial expression that was half-pout and half-scowl. “Your breath tastes like a coffee pot all the time and _I_ don’t say nothin.” With a pause, he added, “And don’t think I don’t smell nicotine on you.”

He rolls his eyes. “So we both need a shower.”

Leo scrunched his nose. “I’m not taking a shower with you.”

“Pfft. As if I was offering.” 

Their whole schtick lately had been pretending like they don’t like each other, even though they’re _literally fucking dating,_ because neither of the boys had been through the motions of an actual relationship. Nico’s heart still fluttered against his ribcage whenever Leo laughed, whispering  _ i want that_, and he has to remind himself that _‘_ _hello, ding dong? you can have that.’ _

They hadn’t even been on a real date yet. Nico supposes thats his own fault since he’s the only one with money to pay for it, but....Leo still had a foreign hickey on his neck, and he doesn’t know how to feel about it.

Usually, in movies, this is the part where he’s supposed to get mad. This where he supposed to scream, and throw things, and make accusations without any real evidence. He is supposed to be _mad_.

But he isn’t. 

Something must be wrong with him.

It only feels like dulled down sadness, like someone was grinding his heart up with a mortar and pestle. 

Okay....Nico isn’t the only one for him. So what? He should have known better. He should have....

Nico can still see his father. 

In his head, Behind his eyes, are little glimpses of nights when he was a child, where he wander out in the house, feet padding silently on the tile floors, to his father’s room, where he would catches peeks of him tangled and compromised with mysterious women. Women that were certainly _not_ his mother, and Hazel was living proof of that. 

A childhood swathed with lies and infedelity—maybe that’s what made it hurt less.

( _ ~~You are lying to yourself.)~~_

“We need to do something.” Nico proclaimed, setting his controller down. His statement was met with a hum.

* * *

Jason thinks Piper might just be his world.

Her long tan legs are crossed as she’s laying the sand, waves crashing in the distance as the tide comes in. The dawning moonlight washed over her features and hair, making her look like an astray siren taking a rest on the beach.

It’s not just her looks, but the way she speaks, authoritative but kind. A golden voice. How naturally she assesses people’s limits and adds them into the equation of every weighing decision. Jason’s not sure if anybody else sees how she juggles emotions, or even if she herself was aware. Piper inserts herself as a barrier to protect when it is needed—taking the brunt of a force that would have knocked that other person down—but she also later acts as a guide to follow as she coaxes them out of their comfort zone.

A natural Pied Piper, how ironic.

Somehow, Jason knows he became something Piper enamored as well, even though he doesn’t think he can stand to compare at all. Not that he has self esteem issues, it’s just that...Leo once described him as “ _classic white boy”—_ and as comical and stupid that is—and Jason doesn’t know how classic white boy gets to stand by a goddess. 

He must have been quiet for too long because suddenly his attention is brought back by a tap on his arm. 

Piper smiled shyly at him. 

With her face so close, Jason once again is entranced by her features; soft light brown skin with orange hues, plush full lips, full cheeks; her eyes were almond-like in shape, holding her irises like a jewel in a setting. Piper’s nose is slender and curved, ending like a teardrop. 

She smiled. “Spacing out over there i see.”

Jason nodded, but didn’t know what to say.  “It’s getting dark,” he settled for, because it was. The sun was all the way past the horizon line now and the beach was in that weird state of limbo after the sun sets,,where its not pitch black, but not light out either.

Piper gets up in response, sand sticking to her knees. “Let’s go then. The night’s not over yet.”

Jason held her hand and followed her as she led him back to his car. He drove to a small ice cream parlor down the road, where they both cc bought small scoops of the desert, before ditching it for the delicious pizza smell wafting over from a restaurant across the road. 

They’re walking back to the car now—a pizza slice in each hand—when Jason gets a few texts. He pulls his phone out from his back pocket, trying to touch the screen as little as possible with his greasy fingers.

Piper leans over to see the messages and Jason reads them to her.

“From the group chat. Nico says to meet them, by the _dollar store...?”_

Piper raised her eyebrows and took another bite, “Who all’s there?”, she said over a mouthful of pizza. 

“Uh, i think Nico, Hazel, _andddd...._ Percy.”

“No leo?”

“I don’t think so—“

Another text popped up and Jason corrected himself, “ _Nope,_ Leo’s there.”

Piper hummed and finished the last of her crust. “Thought so. It sounded like a Leo thing”.

“So do you want to go?” Jason asked. He hadn’t planned on ending their date by hanging out with their friends, he planned on more of a _‘kiss her on the doorstep’_ kind of thing, but it sounded intriguing.

“I’m down.” She answered,wiping her pizza fingers on her jeans.

* * *

Just to reiterate, when Nico had said _“we need to do something,”_ he did _not_ mean this.

Currently, the group was huddled around Percy’s car, which he’d driven Nico, Leo, Annabeth and Hazel in. Frank had showed up twenty minutes later, because if Hazel was there he was going, and Jason and Piper had most recently joined them with sandy hair and full bellies from their beach date.

Right across from the car is The Town Square Water Fountain, a big circular stone pool with water spouting from the mouth of a bronze horse statue.

“So, tell me again how this is supposed to work?” Annabeth asked, looking at the fountain skeptically.

Leo set down two giant containers of Dawn dish soap with a thud, then dusted himself off. “Just trust me, i’ve had this idea for a while now.”

Frank nervously scratched at his hairline, eyeing the boy as if he was some sort of terrorist. “And were _not_ going to get in _trouble_ for this?”

“Frank, _Frank._ You worry too much, buddy,” Leo smiled devilishly, two times the usual mischief shining in his grin, “The police are all busy at some concert in downtown, and its Saturday, _someone’s_ bound to be throwing a rager. Plus, i have sources that say their forces are _way_ understaffed right now.”

“Your sources are my Dad.” 

_“_ Not now, Jason. _”_ Leo quipped.

Percy kicked off where he had been leaning against his car, hands on his waist, and grinned.“I’m in.”

Annabeth sighed. “Of course you are.”

Leo led most of the group over to the fountain, Hazel, Frank, and Annabeth being the few stragglers that stayed behind to watch, too afraid of getting in trouble. (In Annabeth’s case, too tired to get in trouble)

Leo handed out the soap and Nico squeezed a bunch of it out into the running water, foamy bubbles floating up in result. With two mega bottles of Dawn, it didn’t take long before the whole fountain was beginning to grow a thick bed of bubbles.

Laughs and cheers were called out when Jason began to strip, kicking off his pants with a grin. He stood on the ledge of the fountain and fell backwards until the bubbles, water splashing up and out of the pool.

One by one he was joined as the bubbles grew taller—the fountain was a marvelous sight. Even Annabeth stripped down and went to play in the bubbles. Hazel wanted to join in too and she coaxed Frank to sit on the ledge. He could never say no to her. She placed a swath of bubbles on his head and then began making him a beard. 

Nico stayed in his shorts and a T-shirt. Leo was in his boxers, but kept his shirt on as well. He was letting the water splash over his head as he added more dish soap to the fountain. Leo climbed on top of Jason’s back and the blond carried the giggling boy on his shoulders as if he weighed a feather.

Piper began dredging up old quarters and pennies from the fountain, looking for _“treasure”,_ as she called it. 

“Yo, Nico.” Leo waded over to him, smiling in a way that made him awfully suspicious, mouth closed but stretching across his face. Nico noticed how the boy only had one dimple, on his right cheek, instead of two.

“Huh?” was all he managed to say before water was poured down his face. 

Jason had snuck up behind him, using Leo as a distraction, and dumped a bucket of bubbles over Nico’s head, turning him into a soapy snowman. 

Nico wiped the foam from his eyes and splashed Jason, turning back around to do the same to Leo but stopped. 

The boy was laughing, eyes squinting up as he snickered, but the laughs shortly turned into barely telligible sharp coughs. Leo gripped his wrist before letting go, not wanting anyone to see. 

The boy regained composure and laughed some more, he waved to them and waded out of the fountain. “I’ll be right back, just have to go check on something.”

Nico waited until after Leo had reached the car to get up, water sloshing as he got out of the fountain, not sure if he should follow. 

He doesn’t know why, but he keeps his footsteps quiet as he approaches the car. Maybe its because he doesn’t want to disrupt the pleasant night. Maybe it was because he didn’t have as much trust as he thought he did.

The joyful laughs and giggles fade as he strays further from the fountain, the sound of dripping water over the concrete taking their place. The streetlights barely reach over here.

He creeps his head around the corner of the car to see the passenger door open, and Leo kneeling on the seat with his back turned. Nicocontinues to watch as Leo runs his nose across the central console, and when his face moves away Nico catches a glimpse of leftover pale pink powder.

Ducking his head away, Nico rushes back to the fountain half-way and takes a breath, cause whatthefuck he was not at all expecting to see _that._

He walks back to the car at the same time Leo does and looks up in surprise. To Leo, it must be like bumping into him while walking back.

The boy grips his arm again, the water making his shirt plaster to his frame. Nico never realized the extent of how small Leo actually is, only ever seeing him in baggy clothing. It’s a bit....concerning. The water from his shirt makes a small pool by his feet, slowly but steadily dripping. 

“Oh. Are you ready to go home or something?” He asks. 

“Not really. I don’t want to go back in the water though.”

His response is met with an unsure shrug and Leo hops back in the fountain without him, gleefully splashing Piper as if _he didn’t just snort a line of unknown powder on Percy’s car console._

It hasn’t really hit Nico yet, and he doesn’t get a chance to think about it too much before a sound in the distance makes his stomach plummet.

Everyone freezes when the growing wails of sirens hurdle down the street—Leo abandons ship first, hopping out of the fountain like lightning and fucking _runs_ , followed by everyone else. Frank grabs him by the shirt with fearful eyes as he bolts after the others, Nico starts running too, feet slapping against the concrete. 

“STOP RIGHT THERE! THIS IS THE CENTRAL POLICE STATION!”

He spares a glance back to see a police car come to a stop by the fountain. But by this time they had reached Percy’s car and doors were being thrown open left and right.

“Go, go, go!” Annabeth whisper yelled to Percy, who struggled to start the engine. Hazel worryingly watches the police officers get out of their car. Frank keeps reciting one phrase over and over again:

“I’m going to jail, i’m going to jail, i’m going to _jail....”_

Frank shakes his head and slaps on the back of Percy’s seat,urging him to move faster. “I’m going to go to jail and i’ll have to change my name and join a prison gang, _i knew i should have stayed in Canada—“_

Percy gets the car to start and he slams the gas pedal flat, making the car lurch into action. Nico grips onto the car door for dear life as him and the several others piled on top of each other are thrown around. Out of the whole situation Leo, Piper and himself are laughing.

Leo puts his head outside the window and yells. “JUST GET IN THE WATER! HAVE SOME FUN!”

Frank fretfully swats the boy on his head and Leo tucks his head back inside the car, giggling like a madman. Nico doubts they heard him, the policemen were so far away at this point. 

They are running on pure hysteria, adrenaline, and the ever-dwindling fumes of gas left in Percy’s shitty car. Once a comfortable distance away, he whips the vehicle sideways into the back parking lot of a strip, tires squealing and the smell of burnt rubber finally catching up to the air conditioner. 

Percy pries his hands from the wheel and shakily laughed.  “Oh my fucking god i think we _made it—“_

“That was crazy, we could have DIED!”

“ _Pshhh,_ we wouldn’t have _died._ Maybe just gotten detained—“

“I hate you guys _so_ much.”

The last one was Frank. There was a moment of collective deep breaths as the teens hearts stopped beating a million miles an hour, in shock that they managed to get away in time. 

The doors open up and Nico stumbles out of the car, followed by Leo who throws an arm around his shoulders. 

“So does that count as doing something?” He says, smiling all too much for how close they were to getting in trouble, but Nico’s on the same adrenaline. He snorts, lungs pained from laughing.

“I suppose it does.”

* * *

Truly, Leo never wanted to step foot into the North Catholic Church again. It made his pulse quicken and his ears deafen and his stomach queasy as though he’d eaten an airport tuna sandwich. 

But of course, the world doesn’t revolve around Leo. It does quite the opposite actually. On purpose. 

The Mckinney’s had arranged a meeting for him to meet with Father Jonathon, the same man who had been leading the sermon when Leo was baptized nearly a month ago. To say he wasn’t looking forward to it was an understatement. He had a feeling, y’know, just a little _hunch_ , that Father Jonathon would not take kindly to him.

Entering the church felt different than the first time. It was completely empty, barren. A church without its followers was like a skeleton, the empty chairs made it clear that at a time it had been filled with people, but the eery hallways and utter silence makes you feel otherwise.

Mrs. McKinney puts a hand on his back as she leads him to where Father Jonathon was standing, backturned, at a huge hanging of Jesus on the Cross, not unlike the one hanging up in the McKinney household.

The man turns around a smiles at the boy, though its seems to be just on the surface. A practiced smile, like the ones dentists have right before they drill your teeth. His eyes hold a different kind of excitement than to that of meeting someone. 

“Thank you so much for having us, Father Jonathon.” Melissa says, voice sickly sweet. 

He waved her off, “Oh, nonsense. It’s no trouble, and _please_ , call me Jon.”

Father crouches down for Leo and sticks out a hand, much like you would to a little kid. “And nice to actually meet you, Leo. I’m afraid our last visit was cut short.”

The boy scratched the back of his neck and bares a nervous smile. Leo’s instincts telling him to run. He can’t do that this time.

Father turns to the Mckinney’s, “I thought I would have a more....private conversation with your son, Mr. and Mrs. Mckinney. Though i’ll be sure to have a briefing with you afterwards.”

“Oh.” This was a surprise to Melissa. “Well, I suppose Jake and I could wait in the next room. I do anticipate our talk, though, Father Jonathon—er, Jon. Do make adequate time for it.” 

She grabs her husband’s hand and follows him out of the auditorium. For once, Leo wishes they would stay. 

~~_(It’s not safe here—)_ ~~

“I must say, i’ve had a million questions about you ever since you walked my stage, or, _ran_ from it... What you did was pretty outlandish there, Mr. Valdez.” He guides Leo up on stage, and sits down in front of the cross. He motions for the boy to join him and reluctantly, he does. 

“You’ve fallen into many a sin, my boy. Many do. Many recover, many don’t. I understand it might feel strange, to, have _things_ be brought out by the devil that you might not comprehend yet. But there is still time to repent. I believe that unless you are on the floor cold and dead, there is still time for repentance.” 

Father Jonathon moves to the side and brings out a tray, weathered old hands dragging it out in front of Leo. He looks in, curious.

It’s full of rice.

Uncooked, raw _, rice._ Leo has no idea what’s going on, but Father lifts him from the floor and gestures to it. 

Leo slowly realizes what’s happening. His body goes frigid under the grip. Vaguely, he remembers kids back in Houston receiving this punishment from their mothers, the same mothers that outcasted Leo’s mom after finding out that Leo had been born out of wedlock. 

“You will learn your lesson quicker this way. It’s painful, but, kids like you need more than a little push to get them back on the path of christianity.” He forces Leo onto his knees, rice sticking into his skin uncomfortably. The man contorts Leo’s hands into praying position, and keeps a strong hand on his back to prevent him from getting up.

“The lord is very forgiving. He is fair, and he is word, and he is law. He loves you. And He loves me. Everyone can change given opportunity. Pray to Jesus, and he will forgive your sins.”

“I didn’t do anything.” Leo whispered. 

The hand is harder at his back now. “You may not know it, but The Church has it’s eyes everywhere. The Church is... powerful. We know _what you are.”_ His tone is steely, full of disgust. Leo’s legs trembled.

“You are a sinner—you will not make any progress until you recognize that. Don’t you see that? You cannot wake in the morning with the same sins drenching you as yesterday. Just tell him what you did, let it be spoken aloud, so you can be _cleansed.”_

“I told you I didn’t do anything!” Leo’s indignation is met with a hard slap to the back of his neck. The rice was starting to hurt now, it dug into his knees like tiny needles, _pressing._

_“Lies._ I have eyes here.I have eyes that saw you in a car with another man after church that Sunday, you were embracing. They told me it looked.... _sinful.”_

Leo’s heart sank, because _of course_ someone did. Someone _saw_ and everyone _knew_ , and now Leo’s got uncooked rice being pressed into skin. 

_ (Why couldn’t Nico just have better fucking window tinting....) _

“Well they might have to get their _vision checked,”_ Leo gritted through his teeth, “Cause that _never happened.”_

_“Deny, deny, deny.”_ Father Jonathon spoke in a whisper, close to his ear, “No amount of lies will convince me. All you have to do is pray, child.”

For what seemed like hours he refused the man, but his knees and joints were screaming from what was going to leave marks later. He has to give up. Leo will never win.

_~~(What made you think you ever had a chance?)~~ _

_~~you are nothing.~~ _ ~~~~

The boy swallows his pride like a lump of coal. The rice is unbearable to kneel on, every shift cuts him deeper, every grain another sin, pressing and pressing. So many sins, so many sins they fill his stomach and throat until they’re spewing from his mouth and leaking from his nose

He repents. 

“I have done wrong. I have sinned....”

“Say what you have done. All of it.” Father says, malicious excitement seeping through his voice. 

“I...lied. I had feelings for another m-man.” He gulps, “I’ve stolen from others and disrespected the church, and i’m sorry.”

The priest waits for him complete all the steps, Leo bites his lip from the pain. “I will never do any of those things again.”

He gets another light slap from the priest. “The fourth R, come on, spit it out.”

_ “I will never speak or see that boy again.” _

The hand was removed, Leo got off the bed of rice, and he collapsed.

* * *

His knees afterward were a bumpy dark red ground of indents and bruises, like the skin if an avocado, cut in some places from Leo shifting too much. He cleaned up the blood with tissues from the bathroom. It throbbed so much he could feel the pulses all the way up his neck. 

Leo has had his fair share of punishments, but this one was new.

The rice had brought him down to the ground, and crushed him into it. Any pride he once had was long gone. Leo was like a bug in the face of these people. He didn’t dare say a word afterwords, nor did he dare let a tear escape his eye. _~~Because Leo is nothing again, and nothing isn’t allowed to cry.~~_

The McKinney’s see his fucked up knees, and the red marks on his neck and hands, and they hold their tongues. Father Jonathon has a “talk” with them and Leo’s heart thumps out of his chest, because what if he tells them about what he did? _(They can’t know, they cant know...)_

He rubs his sore knee. Leo’s had worse, but he thought it would change once he was older. He’s sixteen now, isn’t that enough? God, he shouldn’t have been with Nico in the first place, it’s his fault this happened. 

Kneeling on rice was definetly going on his list of _‘oh god please dont make me do that ever again’s._

Leo can handle black eyes and bruised ribs. Leo can handle the occasional fling of hot grease or the sting of someone using him as an ashtray. But he can’t.....he can’t....

Leo remembers once when he was little and trying to learn how to read, his foster mother at the time, Teresa Wikes, had thought it good to smack his hand everytime he flubbed up the words. This didn’t sound innately _horrible_ , it wasn’t _great_ , but not horrible... 

Only....she hit him with the _metal_ side of a ruler. And Leo is very much _dyslexic_. 

He sat there for hours trying to read her a book, and from it his fingertips to mid-wrist Leo’s hands were bloodied and bruised for weeks with little cuts and lines. It took him all his might to make a fist. 

Staring at his hands, he can still see a couple of the scars. Faded, but still there. Thin white lined on the back of his hand.

And of course, there was the time Issac put snakes in his room. He always administered the weirdest punishments. Leo’s door had been locked and the two snakes hissed at him from where he had taken position on top of his bed, eventually forcing Leo to drop a textbook on their heads to kill them. They weren’t poisonus. They were from PetCo. But Leo didn’t know that, and that shit _terrified_ him. Afterwards, the man had taken him out to get cupcakes, talking about how “brave” Leo was. He was always so weird....

There was—

Leo doesn’t want to think about those times anymore. His hands are shaking with ghost pain. Remembering something Ms. Simmons said, he traced on his arm: _i am here._

_ i am here, i am here, i am here, iamhere, iamhere, ~~iamhereiamhereiamhere—~~ _

i.am.

here. 

_~~(???)~~_

The words felt like lies on his skin. 

* * *

Father Jonathon had chose not to tell them what Leo did, he noticed, because when his fosters reemerged they only looked the littlest bit confused and stressed. Melissa worriedly bit her lip. 

The drive home was silent, and Leo had scooted as far close to the door as possible. When they got home, his foster mother made him an icepack for his knees.

She handed it too him, but Leo couldn’t hold the icepack. It was cold. The thought of putting it on his skin was revolting and made his throat constrict like a Boa.

Mellisa took the pack back, dabbing and patting at the red skin, a troubled look on her face. Leo winced, but, it felt better when she did it. Less revolting.

What a waste of a Saturday.

* * *

_[THE SAME DAY, PHONECALL AT 3:33 PM:]_

(“ _Hey, Leo. What’s up?”_

_ “Hi.” _

_ “....You okay?” _

_ “Fine. You should get your windows tinted.” _

_ “What? Why would i need that?” _

_ “Just do it.” _

_ “Okay, i guess. you sound weird, i’ll come get you if you want.” _

_ “No! No, im fine, gotta go. _

_ “Leo wait—“)_

_[CALL ENDS]_

* * *

Ever since Leo’s phone call yesterday Nico felt like theres something he should be doing. Like, _he must have missed something._

He has to take Hazel to one of her practices today though, and he can use that as an excuse to see Leo. He’s going to pick him up in his car.  _ (Ew, i’m actually making up excuse to see....people? Wow, kinda hate it.)_

Leo answered his phone call but still sounded distant, he said his fosters wouldn’t mind.

Hazel hopped in the car with her riding gear and cranked up the air conditioner. “Who are we getting along the way?”

“Leo.”

“ _Ohh_ , already missing sugar lips?”

“Ew.  When did you get so _—_ it was Leo wasn’t it.”

“You betcha. He’s quite the influence.” She said before popping back to the back seat with a smile. She dug around in her bag for a pack of gum and popped a piece in her mouth, chewing obnoxiously and blowing bubbles. She even chews her gum like Leo now. Curse him for making his sister insufferable.

_ (But like, don’t actually curse him. That would not be good. I’m uh, i’m dating that—) _

Nico pulled up to his house. 

He had seen Leo’s house a couple times before—the boy had a habit of sneaking out with friends. It was a row house, with a clean driveway and a clean roof. Bikes leaned against the wall of the house. They looked as if someone rode them once and then left them to rust.

Leo emerged from the home with just his backpack, walking down the driveway, a man following him out.

He’s fairly big, well built under his cheap slacks and button-up. He looks towards the car with curious eyes and Leo appears annoyed. 

His foster father walked up to the car and Nico rolled his window down despite the desperate hand signals Leo was giving him, pressing his two hands together like a birds wing and fluttering them away with alarm present in his face, as if _Nico was supposed to have any fucking clue what that meant._ What was he supposed to do with _flying eagle for God’s sake?_

“And who might you be?” The man says, leaning down to look into his car. Hazel unclips her seatbelt and leans forward before he could reply.

“I’m Hazel and this is my brother Nico!” She said brightly, causing him to look between the two siblings—one with pale skin, dead eyes, and dark hair, and the other a lively girl with brown skin and long corkscrew curls—confusion arose in his eyes.

“We’re Leo’s friends.” Nico deadpanned. 

“From Northride I hope? I don’t want any _unsavory folk_ coming around our house if you know what i mean.” He said awkwardly. “He needs more people like that girl Piper, a _true_ Northride lady she is.”

Nico shrugged even more awkwardly. Piper did _not_ go to Northride, and thank god for that. Nico doesn’t know if he would ever feel safe again if that she-devil was prowling the halls. He shudders. 

“I go to Northride, it’s my junior year. I was just inviting Leo to study with me at the library after I drop off my little sister. We’re going to get a head-start on exam season this year.” Nico blinks innocently. 

His face is overtaken with pleasant surprise and he blinks a few times before motioning Leo to the car. “Oh, well of course, by all means.”

The boy clambers into the backseat of the station wagon and waves out to his foster, of whom called out _“Have fun kids!”_ as the car drove away. Leo turns his attention to his boyfriend in the driver’s seat, grinning sharply.

“Looks like you’re not so useless after all, chico. Now, where are we actually going?”

“To drop off Hazel. That part wasn’t a lie.”

Leo made a pouty face and he flopped back down on the seat. He poked Hazel.

“Where do you have to be dropped off anyways?”

She raised her head high. “To the ranch. I don’t have lessons today but i want to say hi to Arion.”

_ “Who’s Arion—“ _

“Her horse.” Nico answered, before he was even done with the question. His grip on the steering wheel tightened. _(That stupid goddamn horse—)_

“What? Holy shit, I’m friends with a _horse girl.”_ Leo made a face. “Hazel we have two options; _we’re not friends anymore or you stop being a horse girl.”_

Hazel’s face soured and she pinched the boy, who gave a yelp. “I am _not_ abandoning Arion! He’s the _sweetest_ most _gentle_ thing you ever met.”

“He kicked me once and i _fractured_ my _arm.”_ Nico interrupted.

“You were being rude.” Hazel said pointedly, “and if you want to stop bring friends over a horse, that’s _fine.”_ She turned away from Leo and looked out the window with a harsh stare. The boy next to her rolled his eyes.

“I was joking Haze, yeesh. I’m sure your horse is _lovely.”_

_It’s not,_ Nico answered in his mind. He didn’t want to rehash _that_ old argument. For all Nico’s cares that horse is the devil reincarnated.

While Nico was driving Hazel and Leo goofed around in the back seat, until she noticed the bruising on his legs. 

“What happened to your knees?” Hazel reached out and touched the bumpy red skin but Leo moved his legs away.

“Nothing really, i just fell.” Leo said casually. It did not please Hazel and she looked at the marks with a troubled face. The boy blushed, and he tried to pull down his shorts to cover them. 

Nico glanced in the rearview at the bruises on Leo’s knees that he was trying to cover up. 

“More like suck a lotta dick.” He snorted, before realizing that _they were dating_ and _his little sister was in the car._

“Oh!” Hazel’s face went aflame and she covered her mouth, desperately averting her eyes from the both of them. Nico ran a red light.

“No, No! _I didn’t mean it like that!”_

“I did  _not_ need those details on your guy’s relationship—“

“That came out wrong and I—!”

_ “How could that have come out right?!”  _

Hazel was inconsolable. Her eyes showed showed a limitless battle to keep a certain image from popping up in her head. 

Leo, on the other hand, was laughing his ass off.

Doubled over in the car and wheezing onto his seatbelt, he was not helping Nico’s case. Leo is going to kill him one of these days, and not just because Nico’s taking his eyes off the road.

He swerved to avoid another car and it honked at him as he drove by. Maybe it _will_ be because he’s taking his eyes off the road.

“Care to elaborate on that sweetheart?” Leo blinks innocently from the back seat. Nico blanched at the pet name. _They were not going to be a pet name couple,_ Nico would rather die. 

They couldn’t reach the ranch soon enough and he kicked his sister out into the parking lot, sighing as she waved goodbye to him.

“Don’t be so relieved yet.” Climbing over the console, Leo plops himself into the passenger seats and gives him a signature grin. 

“So, where are we _actually_ going?”

“I don’t know.”

“Really? This wasn’t some elaborate plan to get me alone and then take me out to eat at some expensive restaurant, with—with like, twelve dollar chicken tenders?” He asks, throwing his feet on the dashboard.

“No....?” Nico says slowly. 

“Oh. So you’re open to _suggestions—“_

“I’m not taking you to go get twelve dollar chicken tenders.”

The boy frowned, “Man, you’re becoming more unlikeable by the day.”

Nico sighs and checks his fuel gauge—half a tank. “I mean I guess we could actually go to the public library. They have, like, free water and wifi and stuff.”

Leo smiles and turns to him, placing his hands on the center console. “Now you’re thinking like a bum.”

* * *

“This is not what I imagined we would do at the library.”

“Whaddya mean? This is great.” Leo said, peeking out from the bookshelf and spying on an woman at one of the computers.

“Leo, it’s just an old lady.”

“No she’s definitely a russian spy, see those furs she ‘wearin? _They’re russian furs.”_

“She’s literally researching different brands of cat food.”

The boy turns to him, eyes wide with delusion. “That could be sensitive information!”

Nico rolled his eyes and picked at the carpet. He would get tired of it eventually. Leo craned his neck and Nico couldn’t help but reach out to the bruise on his neck.

He lightly put a finger to it and Leo whipped around. “What?”

“Where’d you get that mark?” 

He blushed and covered it up with his hand, averting his eyes. “It’s nothing really. I promise.”

Nico was quiet for a moment. “Do you... have someone else?”

“No!” Nico shushed him for being too loud and Leo quieted his voice to barely above a whisper, “No, i just....got drunk. At a party. It’s—it’s my fault. I wasn’t thinking straight and I saw an old friend...” Leo reached out but decided against it, “It won’t ever happen again, don’t....”

His eyes said _don’t leave me,_ but his mouth wouldn’t allow him to utter the words.

Nico nodded unsurely. “Okay.”

Leo looked conflicted and he didn’t know what to do with his hands. “Look, I wouldn’t actually do that to you, i just wasn’t in the right headspace... And you make me happy....” He said awkwardly, as of the words would get him hurt.

Nico smiled slightly, hoping it wasn’t creepy. He’s not sure what to do in this situation. “You make me happy too, which....i’m usually not.”

Leo frowned. “I _hate_ talking about feelings.”

Thank fuck. Nico was washed with relief, his body sank with the relieved tension. _“Ohmygod me too._ I’m so glad i’m not the only one, let’s never do this again.”

“Agreed.” They fist bump on it.

* * *

Nico and Leo walked around the library. It was fairly new, but it still had that trademark library scent of waterlogged paper and cheeto dust. 

Something catches both of their eyes and they stop and stare.

It’s a small room with glass walls, modeled to look like a jungle. A constructed wooden tree stood in the middle with brown bark and green construction paper leaves, in it’s branches was a small treehouse, and on the floor was a big carpet surrounding a single chair. Most likely a reading room for kids—it was Nico and Leo’s next victim.

They look at each other and exchange a glance. 

Their devised plan was the most idiotic, low IQ,never-going-to-happen thing Leo’s ever created. _He’s going to do it._

First, Leo creeps up on the old lady at the computers he thought was a russian spy. Putting on his most concerned face and ”white voice”, he tapped on her shoulder. 

“Excuse me, ma’am?” She turns around in confusion. “There’s a stray cat outside the building, he’s uhm, meowing a lot. I think he could be hurt and.... I was wondering if you could help me with him?” He blinks twice.

The women churns her lip, “I would love to but...Oh, what kind of cat is it?” She stops to penalize herself.” _No_ , don’t ask that Marge. _All_ cats matter.... Are you sure it doesn’t belong to anyone?”

_Shit_. Leo panics; “No, but it’s only got three legs.”

The cat lady follows Leo outside, where he vaguely points to somewhere in the bushes, 

“He’s uh, _over there!”_

She turns her back and he makes a mad dash back inside the library. Breathing heavily with his hands on his knees, Leo looks at the librarian desk lady with blown eyes. 

“Help, i think a lady just tried to steal my cat!”

* * *

Nico schmoozed with the librarian until Leo arrived, standing dramatically at the door as if he had been attacked.

The librarian lady hurried out the door, muttering something along the lines of, “Miss Marge Marlowe, not _again!”_

Nico discreetly snatched the keys off her desk and they hurried to the room, trying not to laugh like a pair of mischievous first-graders, of which they failed miserably at. 

“Hurry! Go! Go!” Leo urged him to jam the keys in faster. 

Nico cursed, fumbling, but then he found the right key.

Inserting it into the lock, the door opened with a satisfying click. Nico fished the sign he had made beforehand out of his pocket and plastered it to the glass using a piece of tape he had swiped earlier when she wasn’t looking. The tape had been stuck to his arm and he grimaced as he pulled it off his arm hair.

The sign read:

**_ CLOSED FOR CLEANING: DO NOT OPEN! _ **

Leo hurriedly closed all the blinds and they were left alone in the reading room.

The boy breathed a sigh of relief and chuckled, raising his arms in the air at the hell of it. “Holy shit, we actually did it.”

Leo started climbing up the ladder to the treehouse, where he stumbled inside the dark cramped wooden space. 

“What the _—“_

“What is it?” Nico asked.

He didn’t get a response, but seconds later he was met with a few moving frog puppets in his face. Leo controlled it from the mouth of the treehouse.

He mocked a high pitched voice, _“Hey, are you Nico? I’mm Nico, I like black things and emo music and Leo’s ass and—“_

He shouldered the puppets out of the way and Leo laughed, making room for him in the puppeteering box.

They both sit in the dark little house, legs touching each other and breaths mingling because of the lack of space.

“Now what?”

Nico looks around briefly and pauses, “You know what would be really fun to do in here?”

* * *

It isn’t long before breathy noises fill the treehouse, and occasionally Leo’s head thuds against the wall and Nico has to readjust himself to fit.

They’re just making out, but Nico’s hand was squeezing his leg and Leo’s hand was in his hair. At one point he let out a small whimper as the other bit his lip, most likely on accident, but what was an embarrassing noise to Leo just drives Nico further. He kisses the other more roughly and moves a hand father up his leg, to which Leo unceremoniously scooted away before continuing. 

He wonders if Nico would even be doing this if he’d known what Leo had done, and who with. How many times. He’s all too guilty to be acting innocent, leading him on. 

And that makes him think of the Church again....

It’s barely been over twenty four hours and look what he’s doing? Going back on his word, whether it was forced repentance or not. This is what he wants, isn’t it? Leo wished he were high right now, then he wouldn’t have to think about it. 

Catching on, Nico slows to a stop. “What’s wrong?”

Leo realizes he had stopped. “Nothing! I’m—here, just, we can keep going.” He pushes his face towards Nico and moves his hand back onto his leg.

“No,” Nico shakes his head, “it’s only fun if you want to.”

“But I do....”

His boyfriend is silent and looks out the small wooden flaps.

Leo feels guilty for refusing him. He had liked what they were doing it’s just....he can’t _refuse_ him because then Nico might get _bored_ , and if he doesn’t do what he wants then he won’t want him anymore and ~~_Leo wants to be wanted so badly—_~~

Leo joked a bit more about puppets, brought out the frog one and threatened to kiss it if Nico didn’t. Somehow that gets things back to where they were.

The boys begins a hickey on Leo’s neck and his head pops out of the little treehouse at the same time he heard the telltale sound of blinds flicking open. 

Outside of the glass looking in were two extremely pissed off librarians and a scowling Marge, who had somehow still managed to find a cat to stroke in her arms.

The boys looked like deer caught in the headlights, limbs still sticking every which way out of the treehouse, limp puppets littering the floor. Some children stared from behind their mothers, horrified. 

....And that’s the story of how Leo and Nico both got banned for life at the St. John’s Public Library.

* * *

“Where were you all day?” 

Nico’s mother rests against the door frame, wearing dark blue silk pajamas. Maria di Angelo had too much worry on her face for a woman who sleeps the better part of the day away.

”Out with friends.” Nico answered. “Took Hazel to the ranch.”

She nods, but doesn’t leave his room. It’s one of these rare times his Mom remembers she’s supposed to be a mother, and she waltz in as if they hadn’t not spoken for weeks. Not _really_ spoken, at least.

”Dad coming home tonight?” He says, because it’s the only thing there is to ask. 

She shakes her head. “No. No, my cariño, he’s not....He was supposed to but his work got extended.”

His work gets extended every time.

She sits down on his bed and it barely makes a dip. Her frame is willowy and her face is weathered, but she is still beautiful, and sometimes Nico can’t really understand why his father left his mother in the first place.

“You are growing up to be just like him, you know. Stubborn and hardworking,” She smiles and reached a frail hand to his face, “handsome too.”

Her smile falters, “I know I haven’t been the best mother, Niccolo. But I love you, it’s just s-so hard when she’s not here.”

Nico wants to tell her to stop focusing on Bianca. He wants to _yell_. He wants to yell that she has a daughter and a son who need her just as much. They’re growing up, but in front of nobody’s eyes.

”Aye, look at us. My son won’t even tell me about his friends. My daughter does not kiss me goodnight anymore. Everything changed since Bianca, _Mi Passerota.”_

”She’ll be okay, madre.” He puts a hand to her back and his mother cried softly, quiet sobs wracking her small figure.

Maria wiped her eyes, glassy with desperation. “You love me, don’t you Nico? I love you so much, you are so smart and so charming, but is there any for me? Is there _any_ left for me?”

He gulps. “Yes, i love you madre.”

* * *

A little wad of paper was dropped onto Marquis’ desk, jolting him out of the daze he was in. 

Unfolding it quietly, he read the note:

_ I’m sorry about what happened at the compound. i wasn’t thinking straight. Neither was he though.  _

_ I was too drunk to tell what i was doing, and I think Leo was too high to tell me to stop. Cloud-9, but you must have known that, right? _

_ Don’t let that get out by the way. That we had a thing. I don’t want anyone thinking the wrong things about me, i’m straight. _

_ I’m wondering if you could tell Leo this also incase he harbors something against me, im afraid im not going to see him for a long while. _

_ This isn’t affiliated with the halfbloods, just so you know. _

_ -Luke _

It’s not an apology. Not even close. But that might just be Marquis brain talking. It’s Luke—it’s beyond surprising he even wrote the note.

He doesn’t....he doesn’t want to tell Leo. If the boy harbored any ill feelings towards Luke, Marquis wanted them to stay there. It’s selfish,he knows. But sometimes Marquis liked to imagine if Leo didn’t go out and meet all of these new people, like a _Nico_ or a _Jason._

He _knows_ that’s selfish. 

Marquis wants to know why he’s not enough for Leo.

He chews his lip. He’s not sure if its a platonic sort of crush—Marquis has never showed interest in boys before—but sometimes he looks at his friend and thinks its not. When the boy closes his eyes he looks like an angel, and when he speaks he’s a hellion, both of which stir up butterflies in his stomach and make him feel dizzy. Like he’s high, except Marquis is completely sober. _(Well, maybe not completely.)_

Marquis likes girls. He knows that—he lost his virginity to one and loved it. 

Could it just be that he’s lonely? And that...

It’s not like he cares if Leo doesn’t feel the same. He just wants to be important, because he isn’t important a lot to anyone. Momma never has the time, and nobody in his house bothers to check where Marquis is, even when some nights he doesn’t come home.

The boy scrunched his dark unruly eyebrows. Thinking like that is weak. He is important, he is.... Then why....

Crumpling up the note, Marquis tosses it into the trashcan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so soap in water fountains is like barely vandalism, it doesnt harm the fountain and its very fun. even if they did get caught it would be like a slap on the wrist not many penalties
> 
> i would write some more but i am so goddamn hungry right now i am light headed, and i still have so much shit to do. wtf do i make? i cannot eat another pb&j sanwhich i would implode
> 
> time to go make pizza dough ig
> 
> edit: ok so writing more:
> 
> leo is pretty conflicted right now, wanting to be with nico but not knowing if its wrong, or if what he went through before affects anything (specifically he thinks Nico would hate him if he knew all his faults)  
> meanwhile, Nico has the pressure of keeping his household running while his mother is heartbroken from losing her daughter, and his father barely shows his face around. (yes maria was referring to Hazel as her daughter before as well, but its clear she has a preference for bianca)
> 
> jason and piper are pretty unproblematic for now, rn jason is just worshipping that pussy yknow. he a bit of a simp. 
> 
> Pipers worried about her friends but also doesnt want the stress of taking care of him, because she has ber own problems to take care of right now. She’s juggling Jason, Leo, Marquis, Piper, school, her dad etc.
> 
> edit 2: i described piper with a teardrop nose because honestly im tired of everyone giving characters these cliche stupid button noses and think that the “droopy” or “aquiline” nose shape is underrated because it can be very beautiful.  
> its an almond eyed, teardrop nose, native american GODESS look
> 
> we’ll see more of annabeth’s “club” later, way later.
> 
> kind of want to know ppls interpretations of the characters i set up, like are we aligning?  
> 👁👄👁 
> 
> kudos and comment if you wnt 🖤🖤🖤


	13. those blue blooded americans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gym class pt2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: dissociation

_ look me in my unseeing eyes _

_ and tell me you dont like what you see _

* * *

_The night before, 7:32 pm:_

“You need help.”

Leo shoveled more popcorn in his mouth, trying not to think about how calorie and butter loaded his choice of snack is.

“I know.” He said over a mouthful.

Piper, despite being grossed out by his eating habits, takes a handful of popcorn. Leo knows how to salt it just right. “How are you still hungry? I didn’t know you ate this much in a week.”

Leo rolled his eyes and continued scrolling through Netflix movies. They were trying to have a peaceful night in after she complained to him that they don’t see each other enough. Leo doesn’t think so—he sees Piper at least twice a week—but its no where near the extent they used to.He and Piper used to be joined at the hip when they both went to Southwest, but Leo had ruined that. He complies when she asks him though, cancelling plan’s with Nico to his disappointment.

“I’ve just been really hungry lately. It’s my meds, they do weird voodoo shit to me.”

Piper frowned over her popcorn. “I thought you weren’t taking those anymore. You’re better now.”

_ (No you’re not no you’re not no you’re not—) _

“Well I was put back on them.” He says rather tersely. 

Leo doesn’t like talking about his medication, or even discussing the notion that anythings wrong with his brain.  She thinks over that for a moment, Leo hovers over Shark Tale as a possible movie choice. 

“....Were you manic the time we went to the fountain?” She asks.

That trip had became known as _“the water fountain endeavor”,_ because Percy had liked how ominous it sounded. He’s not sure if he was or wasn’t, Leo was high for most of it.

“I don’t know. Maybe,” the popcorn feels greasy down his throat all the sudden, “it may have been a couple of things.”

“And the night at the compound, you seemed so out of it, i mean, you wouldn’t stop smiling.” she can’t meet his eyes. Leo briefly wonders if they could watch Nut Job 2. “and it was because....”

“My brain’s weird, i get it. Yo, do you want to watch Nut Job 2?” He changed the subject quickly, Leo doesn’t like talking about that part of himself.

“I would rather kill myself.”

At that moment the door had opened and Piper’s older, and bitchier, sister Drew Tanaka came in. She hovers near the door and pursues her lips, passing Piper two bowls of hot mac n’ cheese.

“Okay, i made it. You owe me ten dollars.”

“Consider yourself payed, servant.” She accepted the bowls and Drew rolled her eyes.

Piper’s sister lingers for a moment, eyeing the TV with longing. Leo pats the space next to him, “Come join us o’cheese bringer. There’s a spot left for you.”

Piper groans loudly. “ _Ewwww_ , _no_. Why did you have to invite her? This is supposed to be Leo Piper time.” she whines.

Nevertheless, Drew hesitantly crawls in next to him, scoffing at her sister. “I _guess_ i could stay for a bit.”

“Yeah she gets to stay,” Leo fought, “Drew is like, my side hoe.”

Drew looks horrified and Piper snorts, “Side hoe? Who’s your _main_ hoe then?”

Leo patted the bucket in his lap appreciatively. “Popcorn.”

She laughs and despite the jokes Drew snuggles up in the bed. Piper rants about her sister a lot, they didn’t used to get along particularly well, but Leo knows secretly that she loves Drew. Leo likes her too, more than he shows. 

Reason one—she was _really fucking hot_. Even now in her yoga pants and old ratty Big Bang Theory t-shirt. She had curvy thighs and a toned stomach, _and_ _shoulders to die for._ But it’s not like Leo’s attracted to her. Like, yeah sure he thinks she’s _hot_ , but not in the way he would want to reach out and touch her. Leo doesn’t really know what he is, because he still sorta likes girls. Emphasis on the sorta? His sexuality is like a tangled glob of spaghetti, if that makes sense. 

Either way, him and Drew would never be anything romantic. Ew. But reason two is because although she has tons of friends, none of them are close. Leo didn’t have close friends until he met Piper and the others so he knows that loneliness, and so he tries to be nice to her. Even when she’s being a bitch, which is like, a lot of the time.

He zoned out for most of Shark Tale, just conscious enough to scoop mac n’ cheese into his mouth from time to time. That’s all the consciousness he’ll ever need, really. 

The credits start to roll and Drew clicks open her phone, the bright light emanating from the screen cut harshly into the dark room. She knits her brows.

“Dad’s not coming home again tonight.”

Piper groans from where she was lumped up beside Leo, lifting her head and revealing her crazily astray hair that he’s so fond over. “Where is he going? I know it’s not work, were not that stupid.”

Leo sits up and rubs his eyes lazily. “Why would he lie to you?”

She slumps back down into the mass of blankets. “I been told you he’s been acting weird, its been over a month. You never listen.”

Drew nods. “Too much cannabis clogged in your ears, huh?”

“Ugh. Shut the fuck up, as if you don’t get high off nail polish fumes all day.”

“Jealousy is a sickness,” Drew clicks her tongue, “get well soon.”

Piper snorts and turns on the light, cries of distress erupting in response. “Oh shut it, what movie do you guys want next?”

Not anything to do with Shark Tale, thats for fucking sure.

* * *

sleep

sleep

sleep.

am i **sleeping** yet? 

sleep. think sleepy thoughts.

are you listening?  _ sleep. _

_ count the **sheep**_

okay. one, two, three....

sleep sleep sleep _~~(do you think piper actually likes you?)~~_ sleep sleep sleep, _**no** , _sleep—

four, five, six—

_~~(how long until nico gets bored of you? jason already has, his friends dont like you yknow.)~~_ sleep, sleep, cmon fucking _sleep,_ this is nonsense, sleep— _~~(wheres your lighter?)~~_

seven, **eight** , nine... 

sleep _sleep_ —fuck this, why do you miss it? 

~~_ (just wondering if you wanted to burn again. it might feel different if you were high) _ ~~

im not, i dont do that anymore. i cant ms. simmons would kill me— ~~_(ms. simmons doesnt care. she wants you to, your misery_~~ _fuels_ ~~ _her job. nobody cares, it doesnt_~~ _matter_ ~~ _. honestly, did you really think they cared? that is funny.....thats not_~~ _human nature_ ~~ _, leo. you see, they all want something—)_~~

stop, thats enough. god i need to take my **medication** tomorrow.

sleep sleep ~~sleep~~ sleep 

**~~_ sleep _ ~~ **

start over. _one, two, three—-_

_sleep!sleep!sleep!_

nine, ten, eleven...

when did ..— we get ... .  to nine?

_ dont worry, ~~dont worry,~~ dont worry.... _

sleep.

* * *

_“you fall, you fall, you fall.” _

_ the words boom, echoing around him and then back, power rushing by his ears as the phrase loops.  _

_ the presence is dark, like licorice and starless nights. he can only see it when he blinks his eyes— its hunched and sickly, human though not at the same time. it is many swirling black lines, constantly moving and constantly fazing, big glowing white circles seem to be it’s eyes.  _

_ he doesn’t know what it is, but he knows they’ve met before. how else would the mass swirls around him, sharpening it’s claws, but he is not hurt? _

_it’s voice has no effect on him, and_ _no intent to. what would harrowing and excruciating to any other to hear is familiar to him, like the pattern of rain on a cozy night, setting his body at ease and soothing his mind like dripping honey._

_ “....Leo....” _

_ it’s voice teases and he smiles back, leo looks down at his body, which is fazing in and out like a scratched CD. his fingers are cold and black as if he dipped them in an ink well, and reaching to his hair finds it wild and heinous. he is like the presence—kin. _

_ “wh—y don’t— you-you—-f-ll-ow __!—me?” _

_he accepts and climbs that swirling glitching mass, eventually being picked up and cradled halfway like a toy in it’s hand. laughter glitches through the air, cutting in and out of the planes._

_ “take these.” _

_ spoons. he’s been given spoons, and leo presses them to his eyes, twisting like you would a melon baller, he scoops his eyes right out the socket and lets them clatter down like marbles_ _. it doesnt hurt, it never does. leo laughs along with it, spinning around on his bare sooty feet, and then he’s offered a stick. it’s slender and metal, ending with a long point, sharpened to perfection. the end glows golden yellow. _

_ holes is what leo creates next. he pricks his spindly arms, face, and brittle neck with the little stick, they each bring a rush of gold, batting his senses around like a kitten with a ball of string.  _

_ “so well.” _

_ they laugh a lot, leo doesnt think he’s ever felt so alive. he’s offered a finger and he grabs onto it, twirling around and around, dazzling the thing with his dance. he gets dizzy though, so he lays down in it’s palm. it’s getting a little cold, but the pleasure is still there, buzzing through his mind. as long as that remains, he’ll be alright._

_the thing looks at him. it’s face ~~(?)~~ staring down at leo with a certain motherly love and understanding, for they are one and the same. but not for long, he has to go soon. it’s sad, leo thinks. it looks sad as it nudges him awake, and he doesn’t know what happens next, he pleads.  _

~~_it does not listen—_ ~~ _it cannot listen. sadly turning its hand, leo struggles to hang on, grasping at the gray skin the swirling lines anything—_

_but always, he falls. down, farther and farther, his weight pulling him down in an unforgivable law of balance. there is no wind but somehow it rushes against his ears, there is no sound but somehow he still screams. all thats left to do is look up as he falls, eyes chasing where he once was, that feeling of heaven, that golden light. _

_ the ground hits hard and cold, his skin sticking to it like licking a too-frozen popsicle. and soon it starts writhing around him. it hurts, so much. eating through his stomach until he’s sure there’s nothing left, but even then some.  _

_ all leo wanted to do was dance, and he will do anything to make it happen again._

* * *

Leo did not want to do anything today.

His foster brother did not seem to understand that, and he shook Leo’s sleeve restlessly. 

“ _Come on_ , my Mom made pancakes, if you don’t hurry up they’re going to get soggy with syrup. They’re going to hit the _peak soggy point!”_ Colin’s voice sounded way too loud, too sharp. Leo gulped and shook his head, staying tightly balled up where he sat like a stone on his bed.

Colin’s face twisted and he groaned loudly, flipping his hair out of his eyes (he let it grow out for the past two or so months, its inspired by Leo’s hair) he twisted his body to shout down the hallway.

“ _Mom!_ Leo’s not moving!”

As if her son had rung a bell, Melissa appeared in the room. Leo just stared at her, he didn’t move.

She frowned. “Leo, i made pancakes. Don’t you want pancakes?”

No.

“Lets go, up and at em. “ She swats his shoulder lightly and the boy flinches back greatly before pushing her away. He can’t get up. She stared, shocked.

“Don’t push me. Look, if you don’t get up, i’m going to go get the man of the house.” Melissa tries for a smile, the boy just looked scared. 

The housewife was confused, to say the least. Leo wasn’t responding, and if he did it was....weirdly. As if he couldn’t push the words past his mouth. Colin is still there, watching the them like he knows he should probably leave, but no one asked him to yet.

“Are you feeling okay? Do you need anything? Sick?” 

Melissa tried to put her fingers to his head, to see if the boy had a fever, but Leo closed his eyes and mouth so harshly she didn’t dare touch. Something was wrong.

Leo needs a minute to collect himself, they’re not leaving. They’re not leaving, _they’re not leaving, ~~they’re not leaving—~~_

“—Leo? d— at —sound good? ....i’m—call—mons—...”

“O—e minu—e”

_~~ They’re not leaving, they’re not leaving, they’re not leave— ~~ _

Leo realizes he can see again, he must have opened his eyes. They’re gone, but voices still float down stairs. He gets up, shakily, and walks to the bathroom, locking the door with a click behind him.

At first he doesn’t feel the water on his face, but keeps washing until he does. The cool wetness grounds him.

Leo digs his hand into his leg. _(I was getting better....)_

It’s like watching a movie of yourself, everything is in third person, you are not _you_. For some reason this character has interests and memories, but they’re not his. They’re Leo’s. _(But i’m Leo, aren’t I...?)_

i don’t—

_ i don’t want to be him— _

_ (“He’s lucky he didn’t come out of there with spit personalities, i mean shit, he won’t tell us nearly everything that went down in that hell house, but from what we gathered...” _

_ “I wouldn’t worry about that too much, the split personalities thing. Leo is too connected to himself for that to happen, he’s dissociative but its contained. Trust me, i questioned him.” _

_ “Still, this shit makes me sick. God, I should have checked up on him more.” _

_ “It’s not your fault, Martin. Everything seemed fine when you went in, how were you supposed to know?” _

_ “I get it, but...I could have talked to him more. I mean that man....honestly, i need to talk to you about some suspicions i have regarding Leo and—th—....a... —an.” _

_ “Wha...-is ../it?” _

_ “From h—..s bod—..y.... lang—...:age...do you think— po..-/sibl-e...t—at....—he could//.. _ _a/e been uh....in.../—a...ed? y-know...” _

_ “Yo—u.....—an...//se—...u-lly.../bu_ _ —ed? It’s a pos—ibi...-ity. //It wo—..d.....t-..ke years to get him to—a—...mt t/h..t...to—..gh, y—ou/ k....n—ow h- _ _w he is.” _

_ “I know. God, i hope that man burns in hell.”) _

Colin was right, the pancakes were soggy. 

Ms. McKinney had a habit of fully preparing people’s food, like pouring the syrup over your pancakes for you and filling your glass with water. They had sat out for too long, and now the cakes were saturated with thick, buttery syrup.

The fork in his hand shuddered as he took the smallest bite. It was too much, too sweet, _too_ _pancake-y._ Too much for Leo right now, he dropped the fork.

He would skip breakfast today. And because God hated him, Leo had to go to school.

The classroom is dark for Leo. That is, because his head in his arms the whole time, face down on the desk with his hoodie up. 

He doesn’t listen to the teachers, and doesn’t think he could if he tried. Leo’s only got a couple of his friends in his first classes, and although Nico and Jason try to talk to him, they eventually get the memo when all his replies were one word answers.

Nico did let him borrow his shades, giving them to Leo without much thought. Faintly, Leo was grateful. They helped block out the light as he slept.

He didn’t _really_ sleep though. 

Instead he just focused on his breathing, something to ground him to the world that felt shattered away. A wet spot formed on the desk from the moisture of Leo’s breaths, he can’t find the will to mind it. _It’s Lake de Leo,_ his half-conscious mind supplies.

It’s like, everything was connected except for him. Leo is a missing piece, not meant to be, not really _wanting_ to be, but so insignificant he gets to remain, taking a _‘nap’_ on his school desk. 

* * *

Nico’s starting to worry about Leo.

He had given the boy his sunglasses in first period because he wanted to let him rest, Nico should be the only one allowed to have that amount of baggage under his eyes. But as the day continued it occurred to him that Leo wasn’t just tired, he was....spacey.

He didn’t get dressed out for P.E—he just sat in the locker room. Coach yelled at him and took points off his grade, but he didn’t care. Not that Leo would normally care, but usually Coah Hedge and him would bicker over it, Leo would spit some borderline inappropriate jokes, and Nico would have to wait with him while he did sixty sit-ups. He didn’t do any of that this time, only shrugged and kicked dirt. Nico’s dating a dumbass, but this is _not_ how he acts.

Percy had even given the boy a _blue jolly rancher_ between classes, which is the highest amount of support possible. Not just any jolly rancher, _a blue one._ It’s easily and unanimously the best flavor, not even a contest.

“Hey Leo, do you think that cloud right there looks like a dog?” Jason asks, pointing to the sky at a vaguely dog-shaped cloud. If you asked Nico, it looked more like deformed turtle. He picked at the grass. 

“Yeah, i guess.” Leo replied.

They’re laying on the field as per usual, the only sport they played in gym was getting up _justtt_ a little bit before Coach Hedge takes points off their participation grade. The sky is cloudy today, dark rainclouds rolling in from the east to chase off all the cute dog shaped ones. _(it’s definetly a turtle....)_

Clamor arises from the gym population and Nico lazily lifts his head to see if someone had gotten a volleyball stuck in a tree again. He scans the tree line, no volleyball.

The kids are all standing by the fence overlooking the parking lot and Nico squints his eyes to catch what they’re looking at.

And when he sees it he bolts right the fuck up.

“Guys, _look!”_ He gets the attention from both of the other boys and points to fence. Just beyond it, in the parking lot, are four wailing cop cars, their alarms getting louder by the second. 

“Holy shit.” Jason breathed.

Leo shrugged, “Must've been a fight.”

Nico shakes his head and places a hand on Leo’s forearm, which the boy looks at. “No, I don’t think you get it. There aren’t _fights_ at Northride.”

Jason stares in disbelief. “The last time police were here was five years ago.”

Jason and Nico hopped to their feet, dragging Leo with them. They don’t get halfway across the field before they halt.

There’s no need to get a closer view—the view was coming to them.

A police car whipped through the bus parking lot and into the field, cops hopped out andstarted talking to Hedge, who gestured.... _right at them._

Three police officers start walking in their direction and Nico panics, turning towards Leo to see his eyes widen in fear and his hands shake, dropping his sunglasses to the ground. 

The boy’s only frozen for a minute before he starts full-on running boy towards the fence on the other side of the field, legs moving as fast as they could. Nico ran after him. 

The entire yards attention was on the two boys and the police officers, as they all desperately tried to catch up with Leo. Some heads even poked out from the second story windows. 

Nico’s heart is thundering like a race horse and his glasses lay forgotten in the grass as he watches an officer tackle Leo, holding his head to the ground as he spits out words.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” Leo thrashes in the man’s grip but can’t let go, fighting like a wild animal. The police’s face is red like a cherry and he pants like a dog. 

“Leo Valdez you are under arrest on suspicion of theft of the third degree!” He struggles to keep the Latino under hand, Leo keeps shouting.

“I DIDN’T FUCKING DO ANYTHING! Let me _go!”_

Leo’s face is seething with ananger Nico doesn’t think he’s seen before. Even so, his jaw is slack as he watches his boyfriend get pushed to feet and his arms thrown violently behind his back, his face scrunched with pain. 

Jason rushes up to the police officer and attempts to reason, his father is in the workforce after all, but he gets pushed away roughly. 

Nico finally comes to his senses again when Leo gets pushed down against the hood of the car, policeman shouting things in his ear, he spits at the officer and in turn gets a slap to his head. 

Ignoring his Coach’s calls, Nico rushes up to the cop car. “What do you think you’re doing?! _Get the fuck away from him!”_

The cops pay no mind to him until he gets too close to Leo, and then he’s pushed away roughly exactly like did Jason seconds ago. Said blond pulls him away from the scene. 

Leo’s forced into a car, hands in actual fucking handcuffs, and Nico can’t believe what he just witnessed. The cop car drives away, leaving Jason and Nico completely stunned in it’s wake. 

For some reason Nico feels as though the car would whip back around, and drop Leo off and apologize for the big misunderstanding. It has to, there’s no way, _it has to._

The car just keeps driving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there we go :)) 
> 
> any hypothesis on what happened? comment below! (if i didnt make it clear enough lmao)


	14. PINS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The race towards freedom begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i mean for this to be a mystery that spans three chapters? absolutely not.
> 
> but ive been setting up this plot since like the beggining so it has to happen at this point. happy reading :) <3
> 
> damn the warnings for this 😳😳 srry
> 
> warnings: mentions of drug abuse, mentions of heroin use, intrusive thoughts, implied withdrawls, homophobic language

_ tears dont do any good _

_ i can breathe but— _

_ — my breath wisps away from me, _

_ my only friend has left. _

_ unsettling for its not usually seen, _

_ but  outlined with the harshness _

_of the cold._

* * *

Piper hadn’t gone to school Monday.

She was in too much shock, fueled by too much anger, that she feared she may just throttle her classmates if they even _think_ about asking her for something. Because _hot fucking damn Emily_ , you know there’s loose-leaf paper at the front of class, _so stop fucking asking for some everyday._

It had been the events the day before that made her like this.

It was an easy going Sunday, she might even call it zen. The sky was cloudy and didn’t show signs of lightening, by the time evening rolled around Piper could hear the rain gently thrumming it’s fingers against the roof, the rhythm and feel of her music had given Piper peace of mind that was so rare these days. 

Her dad had texted her at four o’clock, saying that he had a big surprise for her and Drew tonight. Piper didn’t think much of it, maybe her father was going to bring home takeout from their favorite restaurant or announce that one of his film projects had gotten green-lighted. 

The last thing she expected was to come downstairs to her Mom standing in the kitchen with her designer clothes and flat ironed hair, twinged smile upon her face, acting like she _belonged_ there.

Piper saw red.

She spun around to face her father, “What is this?”

He looked remorseful, he knew she would react this way. “Piper, your mother and I have been talking for the last few months, and we decided that she should be here for you guys as you finish high-school, she missed so much of your growing up and—“

“That was _her_ decision! _Not mine!_ ” Piper fumed, throwing up her hands for emphasis. Behind her, Drew’s mouth gaped like a fish. 

She couldn’t believe this. She _really_ _couldn’t_. Piper hadn’t seen her mother since the fall of eighth grade, when her Dad had finally kicked her out. And now, he was letting her back in. 

_(There’s now way in hell I’ll be under the same roof as **her**. I’ll go live with...with...Rachel, If I have to.)_

She turned to face her mother, drawing in on her like she was prey, watching with satisfaction at how her eyes widened and she backed up. “You don’t get to decide when you can just show up our lives! You made your decision years ago, you—you loved _it_ more than me.”

Her mother’s eyebrows drew up, mouth coming together in a broken line as she looked up at her own child, who had grown _so much and so beautifully_ , seething with anger. Because of _her._ Because she _left_ , when her daughter most needed her to stay. “I know, _ma cherie_ , but I need to make it _up to you—“_

_“DON’T CALL ME THAT!”_ Piper squeezed her eyes shut and yelled, ignoring the tears dotting her eyes like crystals. The world around her blurred. “Y-YOU CAN’T JUST COME BACK AND PRESS PLAY LIKE NOTHING EVER _FUCKING_ HAPPENED!”

Piper drew in on herself, hiding a sob with her hand. Drew and her father were wordless, instead waiting for her to speak. The whole room seemed frozen, hanging on the edge of Piper’s every word, her voice, so powerful and so demanding to be heard, it had silenced them. They don’t speak, they _listen._

But Piper didn’t have anything else to say. She had made her point. She can’t stay here.

The girl opens the front door and steps outside despite only being in pajamas, and no one stops her. The cold air bit her skin, but it was better than being in that _fucking house._ The grass was still wet from the rain.

Piper turns to face inside, and looks her father in the eyes, tone deadly. “I’m leaving. She better be gone when i’m back.”

Piper walks, not anywhere in particular, but wandering aimlessly, almost hoping for something to come to her. Nothing does. Piper is alone, so she stops by a small strip of stores by the shady side of town and lands her ass right on the curb to take out her phone.

It was only on 13%, but it would do. Piper called Leo, and then called him again. And then again.

She texted him too, desperate for a response. Even in her own situation she feels worry cloud her mind, it’s trails of fog somehow reaching every crevice of her mind, too thick to ignore. Why wasn’t he answering? 

Piper doesn’t know what she would do if Leo wasn’t okay right now. What if....something happened with his fosters, or one of Luke gang buddies had jumped him, or if Nico broke his heart. He need to be okay, She needs him. 

Piper is always there for Leo, why wasn’t Leo here for Piper?

Why?

Why?

_Why?_

_ Why isn’t **Leo** here for  ** Piper ** ? _

The real reason that Piper was so stuck on keeping him together is because if Leo breaks....then Piper does too. Leo was a castle of sand that the tide keeps trying to wash away, luckily Piper is there to keep rebuilding it, hands molding the sand up after it gets knocked down again and again. But if the castle’s gone, where does that leave Piper? Where? 

_~~(—w-he...e....w...her-e...? .....~~ **where** —) _

Like it or not, Leo had become just as largely her support system as she had his.

And Piper _really fucking needed her support system right now._

.....

....Her mother’s name was Adrianna. 

She was a French model who had met her father in California when they were young and still childishly searching for love—early twenties—and they had little baby Piper two years into their relationship. She was an unexpected pregnancy, but loved nonetheless.

The modeling business is ruthless. Piper learned that at young age. 

You had to be _just_ perfect. They would tweak you and pick at you until you looked at the camera _just right—_

And then you were done. The photo’s taken, and you’re left like a broken doll under the bright studio lights. 

Her mom loved it though, she loved the thrill of being looked at, of being coveted. And she loved the art of it all, that much Piper could tell. Her mother loved Piper too, and so it was all okay. It was okay. 

But when Adrianna had Piper she couldn’t find anyone that wanted to hire her afterwards; nobody wants a model with a stretched out baby stomach after all, even if they had dieted and worked out for months until it was all gone. The stretch marks are still there. ~~_(Even if they’re not visible to the eye.)_~~

Instead of being upset with her, her mother had looked towards the positive side of things, and when Piper had turned three she took up designing instead, claiming it to be her real passion all along. 

She was good at it, really good at it. She was young, promising, and had an eye for pretty things—The industry ate her up and licked their fingers clean.

Piper was just in seventh grade when she learned her mother was addicted to heroin. 

It came as no surprise to Drew, given she was older and knew the warning signs better than her innocent little sister. Her mother had been losing weight for months; her once full face and plush cheeks were gaunt and skeletal, the fat leaving her body without a trace. Piper remembers how her eyes looked sunken in, as if someone had taken spoons and scooped them out. 

Her arms held constellations of dots and galaxies of bruises, pinpricks upon pinpricks until there was no skin left unscathed. She was like a ghost of who she used to be— _no_ , she was like a zombie. A zombie with a skeletal frame and who’s brain who only craved one thing....and it wasn’t brains. 

Young Piper had been so confused, why doesn’t her mommy act like herself anymore? _Her brain just changed a little, that’s all._ That’s what her father told her.

She remembers once, in the springtime, when they had went to the fair. The happy screams of children still bore into her mind as they all walked happily, hand-in-hand with their families, gazing with awe at the rides. The sky was so blue it looked the ocean reflected, and the air smelled like cotton candy. Piper had tugged on her arm, guiding her mother to the ferris wheel, she was used to directing her by now. Her mom was a bit different from all the other kid’s moms.

She just needed a little help, that’s all.

Just a little help.

Piper had tugged and called her name, only to watch her look down at her with confusion, her was mouth parted slightly and her eyes looked like they were seeing something else—somewhere else— _lost._ The look was so distinct, so vile, so _wrong_.

It was as if she didn’t recognize Piper. 

She knew then that her mom had no love left for Piper. She didn't stay at the house anymore. She came only in the shroud of night, asking Piper to pull some money from her father’s bedside table if she really cared about her. 

Her father had kicked out for good, at the very start of winter too. 

Does he really want her back? Yes her mother looked better than she had all those years ago. Her skin had color again and her body had filled out, but that doesn’t change the fact that she left in the first place. How is he so readily accepting her, an _addict_ , into their home? 

Piper had gone home late that night. She had walked farther than she originally thought; the walk back seemed longer than the one out since it was no longer fueled by rage. 

When Piper creeped inside the dark house she checked the bedrooms one by one—her mother was gone. 

But what was really the cherry on top was when she awoke the next morning to dozens of voicemails and text messages, all buzzing about the same thing;

Southwest’s own loudmouth-Leo-Valdez had been arrested.

* * *

When Leo was younger he developed a coping mechanism to help him with whatever situations he was currently in. 

It helped him so much it felt like a godsend, but to others it didn’t seem like much—the coping mechanism was just counting. Steps, actions, anything he had to do; _Leo counted it_.

Get up. _One_. Move you’re left foot, then you’re right. _Two_.

It wasn’t always just one, two. Sometimes his steps would extend to five, or ten, but two was for the really hard times. Two was for survival.

Two was making it up the last stair step, drinking the glass of water that had been set in front of him, and pushing away hands. 

It’s his comfort because Two was always an easy goal. Leo couldn’t think about what he needed to do in ten days, ten hours, or even ten minutes. It was too much. But if he stopped his mind at two—the only thing he needed to get to— he could survive.

(Walk upstairs, _one_. Lock yourself in the bathroom, _two.)_

And then he would reset it for the next task. It was a lot easier to stay alive when all you had to get to was the next Two.

Leo was back to one’s and two’s at the moment. 

Being shouldered into the police station wasn’t exactly foreign to him, he’s been brought in multiple times. The first was when his mother died, then when he ran away from foster homes, or the rare occasion he was caught stealing when he was homeless. In all those situations, he had found a way to slip out of it—A guilt trip, or a loophole. ~~_(making a run for it when they aren’t paying attention and ripping the zipties off his hands even if it rubs them raw and they bleed—)_~~

There was no getting out of it this time.

The police officer said he was here on theft charges, right? But they couldn’t be old, and he never stole anything above a hundred bucks. For once in his life, Leo was _innocent_. 

He didn’t do anything, but his record probably incriminates him enough to charge him with the crime anyway. Judges don’t take lightly to pyromaniacs with inferiority complexes and a running away problem.

The custody sergeant had read him his rights upon arrival, and handled him more gently once he calmed down. Leo knows how this goes; first they’ll search him, take his clothes and give him replacements, likely take his shoes too. He’ll give them his name, address, and the day he was born....They will find him in the system already. From there, they’ll call Martin and his fosters to make them aware he’s been arrested. Fuck, what will Colin and Hannah think of him now? What will they all think of him....

The legal process becomes a blur after that; Leo knows they’ll take him to the holding cell for twenty-four hours, question him, and hold a trial shortly after, and he knows somewhere between that he gets two phone calls, but Leo’s not sure who to make them to. The rest that happens in between is....unpredictable.

_ Twenty-four hours.  _

Maybe....he deserves it. 

Sure, he hadn’t done this crime, this time, but he still deserved it for the others, right? All the shit he’s done and seen....the other shoe had not dropped yet, had it? It hadn’t, but it was going to. They’re going to cage Leo, like the animal he is, and then indefinetly he’ll rot away; mind, body and soul. Gone.

(go _ne doesn’t sound too bad....It’d be better if i was gone anyway....)_

In a fucked up way, Leo had a little pride that he was finally proving Mr. Martin wrong. 

~~_ (imagine if you’re mother saw you like this....maybe she is—) _ ~~

_ (stop) _

~~_ (—shes grinning up at you from hell, glad that you can finally feel the pain you deserve) _ ~~

It’s not true, he knows that. But Leo strains his hands against the metal cuffs. They wouldn’t have used them if he hadn’t retaliated so bad....

_ (my mom’s in heaven, if there is one. she loved me when she was alive....) _

~~_(your mother’s gone. you killed  her, how could you? and how do you expect her to love a person who did that? soon you’ll be gone just like her. how do you think she would feel if she found out her son was a  faggot?  he likes the thought of boys kissing up his  neck —)_ ~~

_ (god, shut up. i need to stop thinking like this, what if someone can read minds—) _

~~_ (that’s probably why you let it happen. he never cared for you, nobody ever does, do they? oh my god you really thought they cared, that is...so funny. they never will Leo, not when you don’t even care for yourself.) _ ~~

_ (....i hated him. and i hate you.) _

~~_ (proving my point)  _ ~~

_(oh...yeah. i guess.)_

~~_ (if you’re such a stupid piece of shit, then why are you even here? just stab the cop in his neck, run up to the roof, and jump off. go be with your mom, watch what she does when she finally gets her fucking hands on her retarded faggot of a son—) _ ~~

“Hey, kid,” someone snapped their fingers in his face, getting Leo’s attention. It was the Custody Sergeant, a steady faced man with rough hands and rough eyes. Right on time, like Leo expected. “I need your name and fingerprint. Strip off your jacket and shoes.”

He gets up. 

One 

“Okay.” 

_ Two.  _

* * *

When Mr. Martin got the call, he couldn’t believe what he was was being told.

The Juvenile Detention Center had called him prior to seeing his name on records for young teen Leo Valdez, who was in holding at their facilities at the moment. His first thought was, _what the hell had the little shit done now?_

But when he heard the charge, Martin nearly passed out. There’s no way Leo, _his Leo,_ would have stolen that much fucking money. It was improbable. 

....was what he wanted to think. In reality, the social worker couldn’t help the nag in his mind that waved a red flag and said _“hey dummy, what if he actually did do those things they say?”_

He says no to that voice, because he needs to get Leo out of there.

Immediately, he calls the first person he could think of. 

_ (“Hello? Who’s calling this late?” _

_ “Hey, Ms. Simmons, it’s Martin. I need your help.” _

_ “Wha—? Why? Martin, it’s two in the morning.” _

_ “It is? Shit. Listen I—I need you to come down to the Police station.” _

_ “What? The station? Why?” _

_ “It’s Leo. He—he was arrested, it’s...it’s—look it’s a long story, but i don’t think he did what they say and we need to get him out.” _

_ “He’s what?! How did he—you know what, never mind. How are we supposed to do that Martin? I mean, we’re not part of that force. You’re a social worker and i’m a psychiatrist.” _

_ “Yeah, I’m aware. Lucky for us, I know someone who owes me a favor.”) _

With a deep breath, he called someone he hadn’t talked to in four years. 

* * *

It’s way too cold out for this, Jahaziel Simmons thinks. She shivers and wraps her jacket tighter around her body. A black SUV pulls up and a man steps out.

“You actually showed up.” Martin sounded surprised that she was standing outside the juevenile detention center in the early hours of the morning. The sky was still dark, not a single star out.

“I’d rather not, but I care about that kid.”

Oh sure, forgive Ms. Simmons for not wanting the work she’d done with Leo to get _washed down the drain_ if he went to juvie _again_. She knows that at this point, he would never recover from that.

“Me too.” He huffed, breath making clouds in the night. 

Martin makes a call and someone shows up to unlock the door for them, the inside is warmer in temperature, but in atmosphere—it was still ice cold.

The bright lights never die, stinging your eyes when you first walk in. You think your eyes will get used to it, but they never do. The harsh light illuminates the bleak walls and metal furniture, the chairs were screwed into the ground. A sleepy receptionist lifts her head up.

“....You’re the man here to see Officer Freeman?”

“Martin Lechleidner,” he cringed at his own last name, “that would be me.”

“Just a moment.” she replied.

Ms. Simmons would’ve let out a giggle at how ill sounding Martin’s last name was hadn’t she known better. She never heard it before, just always assumed he went by his last name. Turns out she was wrong. 

She doesn’t judge, Ms. Simmons knows a little about having an embarrassing name. She had been brought into the world with the first name, “ _Jahaziel_ ”. As a kid, she spent her afternoons daydreaming about changing it as soon as her age turned those magic digits. By the time she actually _did_ turn eighteen all those years ago, it didn’t feel right to change it. Her name was a symbol of who she was. 

Afterall, she could simply introduce herself as Ms. Simmons.

_“Jahaziel”_ was such a mouthful. But her mother had wanted a dominican name for her, like her own— _Hanameel_. It didn’t match her last name, given to her by her African American father. Maybe her mother wanted to share the pain of having people constantly mispronounce your name, the feeling when a teacher pauses over the attendance sheet and you know it’s because they came across your name. Ms. Simmons had been strictly known in her childhood as _“Hazi”,_ and if you called her anything other than that you’d get a mouth full of knuckles.

(She wasn’t always so calm and collected, how do you think she earned all that patience?)

Minutes later a man emerged from behind the reception room, locking eyes with Martin. He was tall and buff, dark black skin, and closely cropped hair. The man was in uniform—a dark blue button up and black tie, badge glinting from his waist. Simmons doesn’t want to admit that out of the corner of her eye she ogled the way his muscles bulged when he put his hands on his waist, but _damn_ , he has put tall, dark and handsome _on. the. map._

He lifts a brow at Martin. “So, you finally showed up.”

The man beside her scoffed. “Finally? _You’re lucky I even_ —you know what, it’s fine Lou. Just, i need to collect that favor.”

The man lowers his brows, the dark expressive lines creasing in the center. “You know not to call me that. It’s just Morris.”

She turned to Martin and slapped him lightly on the arm, “You didn’t tell him why we were coming!” she hissed. 

He fumbles, “Wha—No I just—okay, _you’re_ _right_ , but, i knew he wouldn’t do it if i didn’t tell him in person.”

She huffs and crosses her arms, rubbing them to generate heat. Morris notices this and holds up a finger, going back into the reception room and pulling something out of a closet. He returns with a light gray fleece jacket and offers it to her. 

She blushes and takes it, unaware of the little glares Martin sends the man, who does little to acknowledge them.

“They keep it freezing in here, sorry about that, Miss....?”

“Simmons.”

“Miss Simmons, pleased to meet you. Now, if you could tell me why you’ve made me come down to the station at three in the morning, that would be great. I’ve got a meeting at nine and sleeping _is_ a necessity to most.”

Oh. She’s suddenly less charmed. Martin speaks before she could. 

“Like I said, i’m here to collect a favor. I—i’m a social worker, as you already know....And one of my....kids was brought in today. But I don’t think he did what he was brought in for, and I need your help to prove that he’s not guilty.”

Morris frowned. “Which one? We get so many kids in and outta ere’ every day, we’re only twenty minutes from Inglewood y’know.”

“His name’s Leo Valdez, he’s only sixteen.”

Morris sighed, he seemed conflicted. “Martin, you know I quit that work years ago. I’m just an officer now and i’m not going to waste my time trying to clear some teen’s record after some rebellious attempt—“

“Just—talk to him!” Martin was desperate, fists clenching at his sides, “God, i forgot the extent of your selfishness. Just talk to him, he’ll tell you. He’s a good kid, you’ll see.”

Ms. Simmons looked into Morris’ eyes and saw that his resolve was crumbling, “please?” she added.

He grumbled, hands rubbing his tired eyes. “Fine, i’ll go talk to the kid.”

* * *

  
_Tuesday, 9:34 am, Southwest Highschool:_

“So you’re Nico.”

Nico stared back at the darker boy, face grim. “So you’re Marquis.”

He looks surprised, then grins, not unlike Leo’s, but his grin lacks the hints of manic in it that makes Leo’s so unnerving. _(Is he still smiling like that, wherever he is?.....)_

He’s taller than Nico, to his dismay, by a few inches. The teen’s dreads were also pulled up into a little volcano of turquoise on top of his head and his clothes include a Fila hoodie and black skinny jeans, pulled down a little past his waist. He supposes if he dropped the brandname clothes their style would fairly similar, but that was the only thing looks-wise Nico and Marquis had in common. 

“Oh, so he talks about me?” He shoots.

Nico doesn’t smile. “Not really.”

Marquis’ grin flattens out and he gives Nico a once over . “I thought you’d be a lot more cheery in person. You’re like, death n’ gloom.”

Piper taps her foot impatiently, “Are you two done yet? Marqy, sweetie, this is important. You told us you had a note?”

He drops his frown in an instant, looking to Piper as if remembering they were doing something. “Oh, yeah.”

This guy has the attention span of a gold fish. No wonder he and Leo were friends. 

Nico admits it’s weird stepping into Leo’s school and meeting the people he used to hang out with, or rather, still sorta hangs out with. They’re more ragtag than his group at Northride, and the school looks worn down to match. 

‘Worn down’ isn’t the right phrase. Southwest high school looks like if a Juvenile Detention Center and a DMV had a child, and that child had a crack baby with a Garbage Center. That was Southwest. 

It was two low-roofed stories of rundown brick and filthy gutters, water stains dripped down the walls like the ectoplasm from Ghostbusters. The parking lot smelled like pot and the parking spots weren’t brightly painted like at his school, they were uniform and the white lines were heavily faded; it clearly took a toll on the driver based on the student’s parking. One especially shitty car was parked over two whole spots, it looked like it was being held together with duct-tape and pure spite. 

There were resource officers standing at iron gates by the front and the whole thing was fenced in so it felt like entering a glorified cage. The dumpster had graffiti on it— “HBG” in red spray paint with a simple crown over top of it. 

“C’mon.” Piper pushed off the wall and led him in, Marquis following him up in the back. Their formation was a precaution, Nico knows, but it hadn’t even been communicated beforehand. It was natural for them, a no-brainer as they led him through the gum ridden, thot-covered halls of Southwest High School. Nobody had even questioned him walking in, as long as he acted like he belonged nobody was the wiser. Or they just didn’t care, which was just as plausible.

The bell had rung by the time they reached where they needed to go—a trash bin outside of some first floor classroom. He glanced inside, it looked like a Spanish class. 

Marquis dug in the trashcan, looking like a desperate bewildered raccoon. “I know I threw it in ere’....”

Scratch the raccoon idea, his dyed hair made him look like an even more deranged version of the Cookie Monster, searching through the trashcan with such velocity it makes Nico wonder how often he has to search through trashcans and _then_ he thinks _why would he throw something so important away if he knew he was going to have dig through a fucking trashcan for it—_

“Why would you throw it away if it was so important?” Piper closed her eyes pinched the bridge of her nose, “Leo’s going to jail and here we are, digging through trashcans.”

The boy didn’t respond, just kept trifling through trash, until he stopped. Pulling his head out of the bin, Marquis proudly produced a single crumpled up ball of paper, holding it like a trophy. 

“See! found it!” He beamed at Piper who looked unamused and she snatched the paper from him. 

Nico peered over her shoulder and read the note too. Both of their eyes scoured hungrily over the scrawled words. 

_ “....I’m wondering if you could tell Leo this also incase he harbors something against me, im afraid im not going to see him for a long while....” _

He didn’t get it, what about a compound? This Luke person and Leo were drunk at a party and....

_ (Is this what Leo meant by he saw an old friend—) _

“You don’t think Luke actually did it....do you? frame him....” The black teen shifted uncomfortably, picking at a dread between his fingers. “I mean, this shit only happens in movies, but, he did say he’s wasn’t gon’ see Leo for a long while...”

Piper’s mouth hardened into a grim line, matching Nico’s own, but her eyes glinted with fury—she knew something.

“I know why he did it.”

* * *

A man entered Leo’s holding cell. 

He was big—big enough to crush Leo—and tall. His complexion was dark, which was actually a small relief to Leo, because the last thing he wanted was some old white cop to look at his papers, see he wasn’t from America, and then dismiss any argument he tries to make. It seems stereotypical, but he’s been chased by the pigs before, and he learned that usually stereotypes are there for a reason. 

The officer had brought his own chair and inspected him before dragging it over, metal scraping against the raw floors. It’s sound was too high-pitched and it made Leo twinge, his hands jumped a little, wanting to cover bis ears but knowing better. The officer sat down and clasped his hands. Leo sat on the bench in the corner, digging his fingernails into his legs and attempted to ignore the soreness of his back.

“So,” he tilted his head, reasoning, “you’re Leo Valdez?”

He slowly nodded his head. 

“I’m Officer Lou Morris Freeman. I’m here to....ask some questions.”

“Don’t I get a lawyer or some shit?” Leo asked,picking at his cuticles. It was so fucking _cold_ in here.

“Normally, yes. But this isn’t on work hours, it’s three in the morning for heaven’s sake. I’m not....technically supposed to be here. Yet. But your case was given to me under some unusual circumstances,” The officers voice is deep and convicting, warm and tired. Though it held no threat, it still made Leo nervous. “I promise that none of our conversation is going to see the light of court.”

Leo rolled his eyes, “Yeah, like I should believe that. And this place is a fairyland where i’m being taken to become the queen.”

He chuckled, “I looked through your file. Pretty hefty, forgive me if I skimmed some parts.”

Leo let out a nervous laugh. He’s not sure where he’s supposed to look, he resolves to stare at the floor. 

“You were brought in on third degree theft, you stole nine hundred and ninety-nine dollars from Northride high school—your school.”  He hums, “Nine hundred and ninety-nine and not a dollar over, i must say that was a smart move. One more dollar and it would have been second degree, which is significantly harder to fix.”

Le stayed quiet for a minute. He highly doubts that the officer had told him the truth about keeping their conversation confidential. “What else do you know?” he asked.

Morris relayed facts like a telegram. “The money you stole was field trip cash for the junior’s six flags trip. You stole it out of a teacher’s filing cabinet last Friday after school hours. I also know that you’ve been in foster care since you were nine, and that over the years you’ve been brought in for misdemeanors involving theft and running away from your homes. You’re a PIN.”

The acronym made it’s way straight to his heart, and stabbed it, well, like a pin. 

PIN stans for _“Persons In Need of Supervision”,_ and it was the title he earned after running away from his first foster home.

It’s the name for _“unsavory children”_ , and if you were one, from there on out, everything you did was branded. You were _“just a bad kid.”_ From there, you would be sent to Juvenile Detention Center for a few months to wack some sense into you, and then you were sent to the group homes. At least, that’s how it was for Leo.

Group homes are not foster homes. That’s the first thing he learned. 

There are no _“foster parents”_ , and no actual _“homes.”_ The technical names were _“lock-up residential facilities”_ , and nobody would put up with your bullshit in there. It was basically juvie under a different name, minus the orange jumpsuits. 

Leo should not have been able to run away as much as he did according to the system,but he got a couple pity points when further investigation revealed that he was in harm, and in some ways, had no other choice but to run.

That did not work more than twice.

Leo went to group homes twice, once for a year, and most recently, he was at another one for three. He was a PIN, and although it sucked major ass, it was a mark of pride.

He wished he could look more intimidating, but Leo felt sick, like the inside of him was rotting away, and it was only getting worse with time. A glance to the ceiling found that if he stared long enough the tiles spun, and his head feels like it fell off a cliff when he nods it back down. 

“What’s so wrong with PINS?” he spits.

Officer Freeman tapped his fingers in sucession: pinky, then index, then middle, and lastly pointer before he picks up his pinky and starts the pattern over again. Leo stares. 

“There’s nothing so much wrong with Pins as there is unfortunate about them, we see a few around here, but usually you all know evade enforcement. Pins know when and when not to fight, how to stay out of trouble. You clearly do, or, did. The gaps in your reports are impressively enormous for someone who ran away as much as you have. I guess what I’m asking is, why’re you here?”

He stops the tapping and Leo breaks out of his trance. The room seems awfully small right now, so he presses his back against the wall to make room.“I don’t know. I didn’t steal no money, and I don’t stay at school after hours. What I don’t get is why they think it’s me.”

He gets an eyes brow raise and Leo stammers,“I-i know my record don’t look pretty, okay? But I haven’t got picked up in a long time, that’s gotta count for something. Did they even find the money yet?”

“That is under investigation.”

“So no,” he gets irritated by the whole thing, “I don’t even know how you arrested me. There’s no evidence. If you want to say it’s because of my file just fucking do it. I don’t care.”

Officer Freeman pulls something out of pocket; its a small plastic baggie with an orange lighter in it. Leo recognizes the familiar color and his initials etched incriminatingly on the bottom with a black sharpie marker. His heart plummets to his stomach, where it gets flipped and tossed like a salad with the rest of his stomach acid.

“They found this,” he holds the baggie up and dangles it in front of him, almost taunting Leo. “I was not there at the call, and i’m not in the team of investigators, but this seemed like a rookie move for someone like yourself.”

Leo dry swallowed. He needed some water. 

Freeman continues, tucking the little evidence bag back into his pocket. “Now, if you really didn’t steal the money, who did?”

Leo ignored the question, his voice was raspy. “Why’re you here if you’re not part of the investigation team?”

Freeman thought on that for a spell, glazed over at the rush of old memories, fleeting by his eyes. Freeman snaps his attention back to Leo, gaze penetrating him. 

“Your social worker dropped by—Martin. We used to be friends, and I owed him a favor after I....” he trails off briefly before deciding to scrap the entire sentence. “He doesn’t think you stole anything, and he asked me to come talk to you. Most likely to get me to join the investigation, free you hopefully before the three day mark. So i’m going to ask you again, is there anyone you could think of that would want to frame you or hurt you in anyway? That knows about the field trip at Northride?”

He knows countless people who want to hurt him, but frame him? They would need a reason for stealing the money in the first place, and he doesn’t know anybody at Northride that would have the balls. The church? He hadn’t seen the priest since their last lovely visit....not like he could do something like that in the first place. Leo tries to think but his mind comes up blank, like every suspect he had was washed away like someone pulled the slider on an etch-a-sketch. Leo answers truthfully.

“No.” 

* * *

When Officer Freeman disappeared into the holding cell Ms. Simmons found herself in awkward silence with Mr. Martin. They work as a team with the kids but, they’ve never seen each other outside of work. She’s surprised he’s willing to put in so much for the boy, he must really feel for him.

“Martin?” she asked, “What’s your plan after we have Officer Freeman on our side?”

He scoffs. “Ugh, don’t give him the privelage of being called ‘officer’, it’ll go straight to his head.” He mocks the man, “You heard him earlier, _it’s just Morris.”_

It’s obvious they have some sort of past, Martin reverting back to a younger, more immature version of himself around the man. But for Leo’s wellbeing she doesn’t ask, just remains silent until he answers the question she posed.

Martin surrenders, finally sighing and slumping in his chair, relieving the stress held in his tense muscles. “I’m sorry, i’m just....tired.” 

Ms. Simmons has heard that one before, she wonders how many other parallels he and Leo have.

“In the morning we go to the school and ask for the security footage, if there is any. Until then, I don’t know....”

He hesitates, and then his voice is low. “Do you....Ms. Simmons, i think it’s fair when I say you know him the best. Do you think it’s possible he actually stole the money?”

She thinks on that for a moment, the words come slowly. “....I think....it’s possible. But I don’t know what he would need the money for, and he’s smarter than that. How did they identify him again?”

Martin sighed, “I’m waiting to hear that from Lou. They’ve got the full report, but apparently they found his lighter at the scene.”

“How did they know it belonged to him?”

“It has the initials ‘LV’ on it.”

“Oh.” 

He lays back into his chair, eyes portraying defeat. “‘ _Oh’_ is right. It—it doesn’t look good. Leo’s never been a ‘ _good child’,_ one look at his file will give the judge the evidence they need to sentence him for who knows how long. At least a year. That’s why we need to find the person who actually did it.”

“....And what if that person is Leo...?”

“I don’t know,” He says honestly, “I‘m just praying to God it’s not.”

Merely a second later, Morris remerges, making them jump as he closes the holding cell door behind him. Martin perked up beside her and she did the same as they eagerly awaited Morris’ diction. The man wiped his brow and gave their faces a once over. 

Begrudgingly, he admitted. “....It’s a  possibility he didn’t steal the money.”

_...._

_..............._

_tha-thud, tha-thud, tha-thud....._

_....._

_.._

_tha-thud._

_....._

_..._

_._

_i’m waiting._

After that, Jahaziel Simmons drove home in silence to her bed, and prepared for the long day that would surely come tomorrow.

* * *

Ethan Nakamura was nervous.

Not just sweat on your palms kind of nervous, he was _sweating-dizzy-and-ready-to-throw-up_ nervous. 

The pigs were here, which he expected to happen, but he underestimated how deep they would actually look into this stuff. Valdez did it, his name’s on the lighter, he’s a PIN with a bad reputation and goddamn _arson charges._ What more do they need? 

The investigation had looked to be wrapping up until some cop showed up today. He was a big scary black guy, his name was....Fredmund? Free...something? 

Ethan didn’t know. He was sweating balls,  somebody had already asked if he was okay and he claimed he had a fever. 

_He had it coming,_ he keeps telling himself. Everyone knew he had it coming to him. It’s about time the kid payed the price—it was Fate. 

Ethan just didn’t want Luke—his best friend since they were four feet tall and ruling the playground with an iron fist—to be in trouble. Is that so much to ask for? 

_Yeah,_ he realizes, while watching the cop interrogate a group of kids. _Apparently, it is._

* * *

There’s a small window on the door.

There’s a small window on the door, rectangular in shape, so that someone could see into the cell from the hallway. 

In terms of security it was not even the third measure; there were camera’s secured into the walls with no attempts made to cover them, watching your every move. Though she watches through a screen, like the holding cell was a movie.

It felt more personal...looking through the window. 

Inside the holding cell was a boy. He was young, smaller than the teens that usually come through here. Thick file, bad past, bad charges. It’s nothing she hasn’t seen before.

But his skin looks rather gray for how dark it is, and it’s covered with a thin sheen of sweat; he curls up in the corner of the room, feet pulled up onto the bench he was sitting on. Frequently, the boy would clutch his stomach or pull at his hair, or he would press his head and arms against the wall, pain present on his face. The room is soundproof, but she thinks he’s whimpering. She’s starting to think....she’s starting to think....

She turns to her coworker. “...Do you think he’s one of _Those?”_

Her coworker is a man in his thirties or forties, with ashy brown hair and stubble on his chin. “Think so. He sure looks drug addled—keeps banging on things and stays all huddled up.”

“It’s so sad,” She says. “Can’t we do anything to help?”

The man sighs, and they briefly halt their conversation as the boy suddenly lurches up and runs to the corner of the room opposite to the telephone, doubles over, and vomits onto the floor, spitting up mostly stomach acid. She’s forced to avert her eyes from the poor sight. It’s not so much like a movie from the window. He’s one of Those. 

“Yep....You know we can’t do anything about it. There’s rehabilitation programs for them, and they’re not so innocent either. It’s not our place.”

Slowly, she nods. He’s right, it’s not their place. They see the same faces often, weary eyes dug into their sickly skin, they deteriorate in the cells as their bodies go into shock with the absence of the suppressors, then start feeling the pain gnawing through their stomachs as time ticks on. These Ones usually end right back at the Center after they’re released, like homing pigeons, they return one way or another. She wonders what that says about their rehabilitation program....

The thought is discarded and she walks away from the small window. 

It’s not her place.

* * *

She had only seen the man once, but Piper copied his number into her phone when Leo wasn’t looking. Just in case. Piper called up his social worker after they found the trashcan note, and to her surprise he was already working on the case.

He told her to find him at the school, that they needed the note as evidence of the lead.

She didn’t tell him all her suspicions, j ust that she had a clue. They wouldn’t believe her if she told them all at once over the phone, they didn’t know Luke like she did. They didn’t know how Luke _knew_ Leo like she did.

Fuck. It’s all so fucked up. How does she expose Luke while keeping Leo safe? Fuck fuck fuck. 

_ Fuck. _

She shows up to the school. Nico trails behind her, but she was the only one from Southwest who came. The halls at Southwest were hot right now with the arrest, Leo’s reputation and earlier disappearance only heightening it. 

She can see why Leo doesn’t feel at place in his new school.

it was too pristine, even for her. Piper may go to Southwest, but she grew up in secret privilege. It was hard to digest that both of the schools were public, it was the county lines that separated them.

The hallways were buzzing with gossip but they stopped to take notice of Piper when she walked through. She walks with purpose, a long stride straight down the center of the hall, her gaze never drooped. Soon, they began whispering about her too.

She couldn’t give a flying fuck. Piper marched into Staedler's room and tapped Mr. Martin on the shoulder. With him was a dark skinned cop in uniform, and a dark skinned woman wrapped up in a gray fleece jacket. Worry lines creased her forehead. 

Piper crossed her arms. “I’m Piper. And I know what happened.”

Martin took note of that and lifted his brows, for some reason the gray fleece lady seemed especially astonished at her statement, like she just saw a fictional character come to life.

The cop crossed his arms to match her stance. “And who are these hefty claims coming from?”

She doesn’t break her gaze. “I’m Piper, Leo’s best friend. I go to Southwest—where he used to go.”

He turned to Nico who hung in the back like a dark cloud. “And you?”

“I’m his....boyfriend.” He decided on with a grimace.

That got eyebrow raises from all three of them, along with a muttered _“that explains some things..._ ” from the fleece lady.

“And you are?” She shot back.

Martin stepped in between them and placated them all. “Piper—this is Officer Freeman, he’s on our side. And this...I don’t know if Leo ever mentioned her, but this is Leo’s psychiatrist, Ms. Simmons.”

Ms. Simmons shyly waved a jacket covered hand at her. She acted like she was meeting a celebrity, and she almost was for her. Leo talked about Piper so much, but she never thought she would be able to meet her. 

“I’ve heard great things.” She says.

Piper realizes that she and Nico had probably just outed Leo to not only his social worker, but his psychiatrist. They share a grimace. 

Piper gets back to why they were here. “Can we all speak somewhere private? I have a pretty good theory but I don’t think these guys,” she gestures to the few milling cops, “want to hear it.”

They head into a empty classroom, but leave the door open. 

“So?” Martin leans against the desk.

“Okay,” Piper draws in a breath. “Over at Southwest, there’s this guy Luke. He’s a senior and he redid a grade, i think it puts him at what? Nineteen? Anyways—he’s part of this gang from southside called the Half-Blud Giants.”

Officer Freeman nods his head. “Heard of ‘em for sure. We’ve—they’ve, been tracking them for the past couple years. I....bust members from time to time.”

“Yeah. So they’re prominent in our school, and I think Luke is pretty high on their caste. He joined in his freshman year.”

Martin whistles at that.

“Leo....knows them. And he knows Luke, pretty well. I’d say they were friends but it wasn’t really like that. Luke is....a drug dealer.”

_“But it’s not like that!”_ She adds hastily at the faces they make.  “Luke passed our friend Marquis a note on Friday last week and it said—wait, just read it.”

Piper pulls the crumpled note from her pocket and thrusts it into Freeman’s hands. The three adults read the note and Freeman knits his brows. 

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Martin looks confused, but Officer Freeman seems to get it, realization slowly dawning on his face as he connects the puzzle pieces together. 

Piper huffs. “I’m not gonna say this is exactly what happened, but it sounds like a drug bust is what I’m thinking....” Piper pauses as a puzzle piece clicks for her as well. A memory pops up from a just under a month ago; hounds sniffing through the metal rust bucket lockers of southwest. Her eyes widen. “Oh my God. He lost the pills.”

Everybody gives her a look, not understanding what she meant. Piper nearly facepalms herself, of fucking _course_ this is what the idiot would do.

“Luke. He lost the pills. It was a Monday, or—or a Tuesday—you can look it up on the records! t-they brought drugdogs to the school for the routine search, Luke _he_ —he must have gotten the dates mixed up. He must have been carrying them.”

Freeman got what she was talking about. “....He got rid of the pills and had to replace the money. Which turned out to be from Staedler’s desk....”

“Wait, where did they get the lighter from then?” Ms. Simmons asked. 

Nico piped up from the back. “It was the compound. Um—on the note, Luke’s talking about being with Leo at the compound—“

Ms. Simmons furrows her brows. “He was _apologizing_ , what happened that night at—“

“He said he was on cloud-9,” Martin intercepts, “was he really high at the _compound_ of all places? He shouldn’t be doing that and that place is....” He trails off, unable to locate a fitting word.

Nico gestures for them to shut up. “Yeah, but that means he was out of it enough for Luke to take his lighter. He always carries it in his front pocket—i know that.”

“Christ.” Officer Freeman rubbed his temples. “You kids go on home, thank you for your help. Martin, Ms. Simmons and I will take it from here.”

At that moment, a Police officer knocked at the door, making several of them jump. “Freeman?” she asked, straightening the papers held daintily by her clipboard.

“Yes?”

“They found an eye witness.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahHABSBABNnahhhnn
> 
> >:)))
> 
> alright bros, we have just uncovered most of this stories mysteries including why pipers dad was acting sketchy, lukes note, and if you remember that scene describing a boy thrusting multicolor capsules into the toilet—that was luke. (also that one weird phone call? luke and ethan.)
> 
> i always feel the need to explain shit incase some of you are lost, cause i realize not everybody knows stuff abt drug searches etc. teehee okay so. drugdogs are usually a semiannual occurence at “bad schools” (ghetto schools) i know this cause they brought them to mine. (Aha ha.... ;_;) and theres no warning before them, but if your part of gang activity you cant information on times. obviously, luke didnt know about that one.
> 
> i tried to describe piper’s mom as accuarate as possible. what i was trying to convey was that it destroys relationships, and ill take that theme further, but did i get that across? wuz that message conveyed 👉👈
> 
> what i will say is that the biggest mistake in the og books is how Leo “ran away six times”, but the foster system doesn’t allow that. If you run away from a home you usually get put into a group home until youre 18, which in this fic Leo went there twice. Mostly he got put into so many homes because he was either a child they couldnt handle, he ran away, or it was just the natural cycle; kids dont usually stay in the same home for more than 3 months.
> 
> (my clown ass thinking of a new story when i have this one to finish 🤡🤡)
> 
> oh? is this the time to announce i had a sequel planned for this since around chapter 5? 🤗🤗 aha dont kill me 🤗 (this one only has a few chapters left 😈)


	15. the bottom of the sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trials and tribulations of going through trials and tribulations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back! the last update was in 🎵mayyy🎵 and now its 🎶auguSsTTT🎶
> 
> (so uh, crazy last few months? heh..)
> 
> and feeeeeeling like i should do a drug psa, but also unhhhhh i dont wanna ... 😼
> 
> (PSA: dont to dumb shit, and try not to die 👍)
> 
> warnings: withdrawls, dissociation, panic attacks (brief, non descriptive)
> 
> major warnings for some really gruesome/disturbing descriptions coming up around the beginning.

_ always looking up as the soft sea envelopes him in it’s hug,_

_ swallowing him up like a pill._

_ euphoric waves cut like butter,_

_ lulling him with the rhythms of the ocean._

_he smiles softly._

_ warm breezes blow onshore,_

_ the water clogs your ears, it is quiet at long last._

_ every passing moment it gets darker._

_ briefly, you wonder how long it will take to reach the bottom._

_ the sea shushes you,_

_**~~there isnt one,~~** it whispers as you sink._

_oddly, you’re okay with that._

(sinking) .

(falling) ..

.... (sinking)

(down, down) ....//.....

(falling) .. ......

(where am i...?)

(ice) 

.....

..

_ when i look up i find i can no longer see to the top,_

_ there are no rays of sun filtering through,_

_ just cold currents and swathes of blue._

_ i want to go up, _

_ i tell the sea._

...

..

.....

_ but it doesn’t answer._

thrash my legs and churn water to no avail,

i hold my breath for as long as i can

but when (!!) i feel 

i can hold it no more—-

(!)

i release what was left in the cavity of my lungs far up to the  surface—

—!!—...

i see no bubbles rise.

i should have known i was already drowned,

endlessly sinking i remain,

until my frozen feet touch the bottom of the sea.

* * *

Peering out the hallway, just enough to see and stay hidden , Hannah watched. Silently, like a shadow on the wall, practicing what she had seen him do sometimes....though never will her footsteps be as untraceable as his.....

She watched her mother, and realized she can’t remember the last time she slept. 

Father is trying to console her.

He rubs his hand down her shoulder, tucking askew hair behind her ear. She clutches the cross pendant hanging round her neck. 

Hannah watched, and, she listened:

“Listen to me lissa’....He’ll be okay, alright? It’s only for a few days.”

“No, he can’t....we ha-have to pay it.” Mom’s eyes glisten with tears, sparkling with the same animosity as the diamond ring ln her finger. They have not fled her eyes yet, they simply wait, and well up. 

_ (I wonder how long they will hold ....) _

“Mellissa. we can’t.” 

At the sound of his stern tone, Hannah jolts a little and hid back behind the wall, before creeping back out again. It’s odd to hear him use that tone of voice. 

He sounds like Colin’s teachers when they scold him for being too distracting in class. Only, a bit more agitated.

“You know we can’t afford the bail. You can’t possibly be attached to this kid, can you?” 

She looks at him, eyes still welling. He pinches the bridge of his nose. 

“God help me. This is what I get for getting involved in those church citizenship awards.” He sighs through his nose. “Not much longer now though....”

Her Mother’s face is uncompromising. Her Father’s stature crumbles just a little. 

“The trial is tomorrow, let’s just wait until then and see, yeah?” He suggests. “We can give him another phone call.”

Melissa breaks down, fanning her face as she let out an ugly, quivering sob. “W-why is it set so high?! He was doing so well....getting better....”

“It’s the record.” Her father sighed. 

“Sometimes, it’s easier to lock the problem away than to fix it.” Jake steadied her, “Look at me—just wait until tomorrow. Then we’ll see. We can do that, right?”

Mellisa’s face soured and she looked at her husband scornfully beneath eyelashes threaded with tears, a few finally making their journey down the slopes of her cheeks.

“I can wait. Leo can’t.”

* * *

Twenty-four

Twenty-four

Twenty-four

Twenty-four

Twenty-four

Twenty-four hours. That’s how long Leo was in holding.

Twenty-four, agonizing, skin shredding, deafening hours.

It didn’t seem like too long for him all that time ago, but now? It’s hell. Leo’s found _hell,_ and it looks like a bland, beige-painted square room with nothing but screwed-to-the-floor cold metal benches and a corded telephone. 

His skin crawls, as if roaches had made their way under the surface, scouring, unable to find what they’re looking for—

And, shit, his stomach felt like the blobs in a lava lamp. Leo was sweating, a thin layer it on his skin and around his face. All of this, and none of it even compared to....

....Leo craved.

And craved, and craved....Insatiable. He didn’t know you could want something this bad. His veins pounded, and when he breathed—his nose demanded a snuff of something god— _fuck_ — _just something—_

He needs it. 

But he had nothing. There was nothing. Just a silent telephone and a pile of vomit he doesn’t remember throwing up. 

Crescents keep apearing on his skin, small, moon-like indents, rust red lining the edges of them. Some crescents were next to long, red scratches. Leo’s fingers are ripping into his leg.

He feels....so...sleepy.

(Leo’s going to die in here.)

....

.......//....

_~~oh fuck, you’re going to~~ die ~~in here~~_

Twenty-four hours....Twenty-four hours....

twe—

t—we—y

t..... four 

~~hours~~

twenty—

_ twenty-four hours, twenty-four hours, twenty-four hours, twenty-four hours, twenty-four hours...... _

_ leo shivered on the cold, cold ground.  _

_ it felt like he was at the bottom, but rationally he couldn’t be—not yet. the lesions of his skin were proving him otherwise. _

_ it was cold—the cold that makes you sweat bullets. a slow ~~cold,~~ that was a’ creepin’, and **creeping** , until it snuck up on you, and it whispered to you it’s little cunnings— _

_ “........i pray you shiver...“ _

_ “that your heart turn stone cold, rock......” _

_ “i pray that sinful rock of a heart weigh you down, like a child on a mother’s back, and your face be forced to suffocate.....” _

_ “....and with your hands in the ground, i pray your fingers boil cold, i pray they ice....” _

_ “i pray you still.” _

_ “i pray you silent.” _

_the ground writhes beneath him, crawling, much like his own skin, that seemed to want to ~~run~~ from it’s own body.  he could feel his teeth turn rubber, as his veins slow down, as his brain **wakes up**. _

_ and it’s cold, so cold, ~~like sitting atop an icy metal bench in a lonely room.~~ _

_ just meters away, a ~~cockroach~~ scuttles pathetically. it makes leo squirm. he bangs his head, desperate to get out of it. _

_ and ~~alone~~ he is left, to dream of gold in his ruin, wishing and begging and **craving** of pin pricks and choking hazards and sweet, sweet, nitrous. _

_ the ground pray he forget—but not enough to knock hope. _

_people think hope good, people think hope **savior** —but it is not what you think it is. it will ~~condemn~~ leo. it will hold him, like a ~~rat~~ by it’s tail. it will **imprison** him. _

_hope is his poison. leo pray he drink greedily . _

* * *

Her hands crumpled up another ball of paper, frustratingly throwing it into the trash bin, where it dinged off the side and fell onto the ground. 

Annabeth let out a muffled scream.

“Is it really that bad?”

She lifts her head up. Malcom is there, watching her with one eyebrow raised, snacking on cheez-its surely stolen from the teacher’s lounge.

“We’re supposed to bring our _best work_ to the expo. I’m trying, but i just cant come up with anything good enough!” She hits the table in frustration with the palm of her hand, her fingers are smeared gray with graphite. “I need to win this time, Malc. _I need it.”_

He sits down across from her in a wooden library chair, the brutal kind, that hurt your ass after a while.

Annabeth just really needs this win, it’s her last year here. She has to have something to show for all the years she’s been in this club. 

“Weren’t you going to bring in some new kid to help you? I think I remember him coming one evening....”

She cringed. Ah—how does she put this? “He um, he’s not here right now? Leo was, well—“

“Wait, Leo? _Valdez?_ The one who got arrested on the field last week?” Eyes blowing wide with surprise, Malcom’s cheez-it fell out of his hands where it had been poised to be eaten.

“Yes. That one.”

“You’re kidding—you were going to bring him in here?” Malcom waved his cheez-it at her incredulously, “He’s a thief, he’s _dangerous—“_

Annabeth scoffed. “As a fly. Leo’s not a thief, i don’t think, there was just a misunderstanding.“

“I heard that he once burned somebody with his own lighter because they—“

“Listen,” Annabeth snaps, cutting him off. She turned around in her chair so that she faced Malcom, legs hanging off the wrong side. “I didn’t like him when he first came here too. But he’s not bad, he’s actually really smart, and he’s one of my friends. Don’t talk about my friends like that. K?”

Annabeth put her foot down. They both new it was the end of the conversation.

“Okay.”

* * *

“Do you know where this man lives?”

The teen shook his head dumbly. 

He was unassuming in the most assuming way possible, a worn red beanie matting down his hair and the beginnings of a brown haired goatee growing on his chin. 

Martin’s mouth twitched. A bit too frustratedly, he thrusted the photo down from where it was very nearly shoved into the teen’s face to his side. The printed out photo of Luke Castellan’s senior portrait crumpled slightly.

Ms. Simmons gave the goatee-kid her best, “I’m not mad, just disappointed” frown. (Her mother would be so proud, the ole’ witch). 

They had searched the kid’s house already, but found nothing. He was just gone. But, Morris then noted how the last paper in Castellan’s room was dated two years back, and everything was covered in a thin layer of dust. It was like a time capsule. 

It was the location recorded in the school’s itinerary, but it was obvious that though Castellan might’ve lived there at one time, he sure as hell didn’t now. Still, his supposed mother—a pink cardigan wearing forty-year old woman with an aged face, who looked to also be the only member of the household, bit her lip anxiously when they asked about her son. She didn’t spill anything, though. 

They had to change their tactic. Martin and Simmons didn’t know where Castellan was living—and neither did anyone on the streets, supposedly. Though, Ms. Simmons would bet her pride and her favorite pair of black patent leather heels that they were lying.

As goatee-teen walked away, Martin let out a sigh. For all the sighs Ms. Simmons has heard, she admits he at least has a nice one.

“I don’t get it, it’s like he just doesn’t exist! And—we’re running low on time, Lou said his coworkers were growing tired of this sting.... Did the kid live at the school or something? Nobody’s claimed to have seen him....” 

It was notable how Martin’s face changed when he grew confused. Like it took all of his attention to solve his conundrum, lips twisting in thought. 

Ms. Simmons was more of a quiet thinker. But, a thought did cross her mind....fleeting, like a sheep being chased by a—- “Martin—” she gently grabs his arm and he’s shaken from his thoughts, glancing to her dark hand on his with a sort of subdued astoundment. “—We’ve been thinking about this all wrong; It’s not about who’s seen him, it’s about who _wants_ to have seen him.” 

Caught between looking at her face and her hand wrapped around his arm, Martin’s brows draw together for just a moment before realization spreads across the man’s face, his mouth hardening into a determined line.

* * *

Leo’s friend—Piper, specifically, had given the names them the names of few people who wouldn’t mind ratting Castellan out, upon request. 

Invigorated by the new lead, they called Freeman to update him on the situation (as he was currently “persuading” his co-workers to not drop this report yet, even though on the list of priorities it fell very low.)

Despite the rush, Ms. Simmons, limited by the everyday responsibilities that came with being a human, made the mistake of yawning.  


Yes, a mistake indeed, because with newfound concern, Martin insisted she get some rest, that he would go question the youth. 

Simmons insisted right back that she stay.

....They made a compromise, if you could call it that. She stubbornly resisted sleeping in the passengers seat, and Martin made a turn for some coffee shop and ordered for her.

A young employee, some blonde teen with glasses, took their order and asked for a name for the drink. 

Martin turned to her expectantly. “You never did give me your first name.” His mouth lifted into a teasing smile and she scowled at him.

“Simmons is fine.” She bit.

He brushed it off and ordered under the name as told. A hot cup of coffee and a package of some bread of the sort is pushed into her hands. She takes a sip.

The coffee tastes sweet, and slightly like caramel, or hazelnut. It was a surprise to her taste buds since Ms. Simmons usually drinks her coffee black, with maybe a teaspoon of sugar. There’s just no time for all the extra additives. 

She opens the crinkly package with suspicion; it’s an orangey looking bread, which tastes like sweet pumpkin.

She eats a bite of the bread, letting it melt in her mouth as she suddenly realized she was hungrier than she thought, and gives Martin an annoyed glance. “So, did you just _assume_ i like my coffee sweet?”

He gives her a bewildered look. “No, i just...that’s how i like mine, so i just ordered double. Is it....not good?”

Ms. Simmons then noticed that his drink had been given the same label as hers. He likes his coffee sweet—how cute. ( _Oy vey,_ is it even sarcasm at this point? she’s becoming less sure....)

The man turns up the air conditioner and pulls out onto to the road again, driving south. “So...is there a reason you won’t give me your first name?”

She pauses. “No, its....it’s just an embarrassing name, that’s all.”

“Oh? Pray tell.”

Under the layers of teasing, he looked genuinely curious about her answer. Ms. Simmons often has to remind herself not to read into every thing a person says—she is used to dealing with the mentally unwell, of course. It feels....nice, to be able to talk to someone and not have to worry about what they’re saying. _Oh!_ _the freedom that comes with talking to someone mentally stable!_

“Don’t worry about it.” She says. “It’s just inconvenient. It’s nothing special, really.”

Martin laughs a little at that, making a turn at a cross section. “Oh come on, I know a bit about embarrassing names. Try having _Lechleidner_ be your family legacy.”

Begrudgingly, she smiles, and relents. She is learning, gradually, that Martin is one of those people that are naturally easy to talk to. “Fine,” she sighs, “It’s embarrassing, but....it’s Jahaziel.”

Theres a moment, where, Martin doesn’t say anything at all. She watches his mouth part slightly and notices how he waits a few seconds too long after the light turns green to go. Hesitation.

“....Jahaziel?” He says, “How do you—that’s so much better than Lechleidner.”

She quirks an eyebrow at him, a dark, dark brown eyebrow, arched with mounting suspicion. “Are you pretending to like it? It’s a mouthful, Martin. It’s not graceful, like, ehm.....Anastasia, or pretty like...say....Isabelle.”

“Are you kidding?” Martin’s laugh is full of mirth, she can see the crinkles around his eyes act up, revealing to her how they were made. “Jahaziel—that sounds ethereal, like some sort of goddess. I would trade Lechleidner for that in a second.”

He glances to her. “I bet you have some cool nickname derrived from that. What is it? Jah...ha?”

Jahaziel’s nose scrunched up at his suggestion. “It’s Hazi, but only people I know call me that.”

“Well I know you. Do I get to call you Hazi?”

She stares down at her coffee cup with a small smile. The name _“SIMMONS”_ is printed on the sticker, and she thumbs over it. “I suppose so.”

Martin smiles warmly at her and goes back to keeping his eyes on the road. Hazi takes another sip of her coffee, the caramel notes greeting her mouth sweetly, and she admits to herself it’s better than drinking it black. She takes another sip; she could get used to this.

She glances back at Martin, at how the bridge of his nose was slightly crooked; as if he got punched one day and it never got fixed, and the way the lines on his face are reminecesnt of his smile, and how the five o’clock shadow on his jaw makes his face look more rugged than it is. 

_Yeah,_ Jahaziel thinks, _i could get used to this._

* * *

The hospital was busy, as always. People in and people out; like clockwork. When Rachel first started her internship, she used to ask her mentors how they stay up so long, doesn’t it hurt to go so long without rest? She had seen the doctors running all the floors like there was no limit to their stamina. They had looked at her, with their tired faces and urgent eyes, sparing a moment for her naiveness, they told her, simply, _“The ill need to be treated.”_

And ain’t that the damn truth.

“You bout’ ready to go?”

Amad came up behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder and thumbing it lightly. His hand was slightly warm, calloused. 

Rachel sighed and pushed her hair back, it was glowing like flames from the light coming in from the window. “I s’pose so. We still making that stop down to Earl’s first?”

At that, Amad frowned.

He had an expressive frown, like the drooping of his lips changed the scape of his whole face, it made him look intimidating. Gruff. A guise that he was not. 

“We best not to. I heard they havin’ a riot down there bout’ now. It’s not safe—i don’t wanna bring you in to all that.”

Rachel blew the air out from her cheeks. Seems like everyday there’s some new riot down there....It doesn’t paint a good picture for their hometown—all the violence. Gang activity. 

“What’s that all about? It’s not the giants again, is it?”

“Fraid’ so. You know how it is in there.” He shook his head. 

Rachel ran a hand through her hair. “....It has nothing to do with Leo, does it?”

“No. He did nothing more than raise a few brows. But, lotta’ hate brewing for what happened to him. People will grasp onto any reason to bring hate,” He raised his brows, “Bati got so many friends now I never met before.”

She laughed at that, but her smile turned sad all too soon. “And enemies.”

Amad didn’t look at her. His fist clenched a little by his side. 

For some reason, even with how small of a crime he was convicted, when word of Leo’s arrest reached it’s way too the halls of Southwest and the neighborhoods around it, it brought out things in people Rachel hadn’t seen before.

In a way, Leo was their representative. He stood for Southwest, for those poor kids, colored kids, and the ones raised with no family; and he marched right into the devil’s mouth. And he lost. So, in a way, Southwest had lost too.

But some of them think he deserved it, Southwest or not, Leo made a lot of enemies. People were glad he was thrown in there.

_ (“Well it’s about damn time. Heh, juvie won’t be a bad look for him.”) _

(Rachel had to stop Amad from hemming them.)

“It’s not fair.” She says, because it’s not. “He shouldn’t be in there. I saw what they....”

Rachel snapped her mouth shut. 

She saw the video. 

Someone at that goddamn field had the brain to pull out a phone, and suddenly it was public with the way Leo ran, and how he got slammed into the grass, and how his head put a new dent into the officer’s new, shiny black car.

(As if the kid could do any damage, at five-foot two.)

“No, it’s not fair. Say it all you want, but it ain’t gonna to fix nothing. That’s just how it is.” 

“Why?”

Amad tapped his chest. “PIN, remember? He might as well be wearing a sign that says _‘arrest me’.”_

Rachel just scowled and shook her head. “S’ not fair...”

“Hey. If anyone can change it, you could.” Amad says with smile, which is his version of beaming.

“And i’m going to drive to get you some Earl’s. We not gonna let our people stop us.”

Rachel smirked and tossed him the car keys, pulling a green hoodie over her paint-stained scrubs. “Okay, but we better not be late to the trial though.”

“You know we can’t get in the court room, right?”

“Yeah,” Rachel popped her head through the hoodie and smiled devilishly, “But they can’t stop us from bumming outside.”

* * *

IN COURT FOR THE COUNTY OF KERN IN THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA:

COUNTY OF KERN AND  NORTHRIDE HIGHSCHOOL

VS

LEO VALDEZ

FILE NO **.** 35CR0-1217 - JFL052

VOLUME 1 OF 1

PAGES 1-15

TRANSCRIPT OF PROCEEDINGS

BEFORE THE HONORABLE J. GEORGE BOHAM

APEARANCES OF COUNCIL:

FOR THE SCHOOL AND COUNTY: 

EDWARD LEE GRANT

ASSISTANT DISTRICT ATTORNEY

6162 JAMES ST, EAST AURORA, CA

FOR THE DEFENDANT: 

LARRY MENDOZA

COURT ORDERED DEFENDANT

1247 MULBERRY LN, PORT SANTO, CA

PROCEEDINGS ARE AS FOLLOWS:

BALIFF: All rise. Court is now in order, Judge Boham in presenting. 

COURT: Morning, everyone . . . Calling the case of . . . Northride against Leo Valdez? Should be a quick one today. Are both sides ready?

ATTORNEY: Ready, your Honor.

DEFENDER: Ready for defense, your Honor.

** [CLERK SWEARS TO JURY, GOES WITH NO OPPOSITION] **

DEPUTY DA: Your Honor and jury: the defendant is a juvenile, charged with the crime of theft to the third degree and resisting arrest. Evidence shows him to be the person to steal one thousand dollars from Northride High School. The defendant’s lighter was found at the scene, initials etched into the plastic. He is guilty as charged.

** [DEPUTY DA SITS DOWN] **

DEFENDER: **[STANDS UP]** Your Honor and the ladies and gentlemen of the jury, under law my client is innocent until proven guilty. You have heard no real evidence against my client, and actually, Deputy, it was nine-hundred and ninety-nine dollars—not a thousand. 

** [DEPUTY MOVED TO SPEAK, IS SILENCED BY JUDGE] **

COURT: **[JUDGE SIGHS]** The prosecution may call it’s first witness.

DEPUTY DA: The people call Ethan Nakamura, a student at the said school.

** [BALIFF TAKES WITNESS TO WITNESS STAND] **

** [COURT HAS WITNESS TAKE OATH] **

COURT: Stand. Raise your right hand. Do you promise that the testimony you shall give in the case before this court shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

** [WITNESS HESITATES] **

COURT: Again. Do you promise—

WITNESS: I do.

DEPUTY DA: Do not interrupt the Judge.

COURT: Thank you, Deputy, but silence. Please.

** [COURT HAS WITNESS PROCEED WITH OATH, GOES WITH NO OPPOSITION] **

DEPUTY DA: Where do you go to school?

WITNESS: Northride High.

DEPUTY DA: Were you there at October eight?

WITNESS: Yes. After the school day ended. 

DEPUTY DA: Was time was it exactly? 

WITNESS: It was at five-thirty PM, Sir.

DEPUTY DA: Okay. And did you see Valdez also at the school at this time, five-thirty?

DEPUTY DA: Yes—He was there also. I only saw him when he was at Steidler’s room, though.

COURT: And who is Steidler? And his room?

WITNESS: He’s a teacher at our school. He teaches Junior’s science.

COURT: Do you know if Valdez had any classes with this particular teacher?

WITNESS: No, Sir.

** [DEPUTY PAUSES AND REVIEWS] **

DEPUTY DA: And did you, as you were leaving the school, see Valdez going into Steidler’s classroom?

WITNESS: Yes, he went in there. I didn’t know why until, later . . . He does not usually stay after school. It was unusual. 

DEPUTY DA: What was in Steidler’s room?

WITNESS: Well, he kept the field trip money from the other students in his file cabinet, Sir. Beside his desk. 

DEPUTY DA: Was the location of this money common knowledge?

WITNESS: Yes. The field trip was announced frequently on the loud speakers, and everyone knew where he was keeping the money—he would unlock the cabinet when he had to put some in. 

DEPUTY DA: We found Valdez’s lighter near there. Can you testify that it belongs to him?

WITNESS: Yeah—I mean yes, It’s Leo’s. Lots of people know that, I see him flicking it around sometimes under the desk.

DEPUTY DA: Thank you, Ethan. I have no further questions.

COURT: Does the defense have any questions at this time?

DEFENDER: Yes, actually, thank you, Your Honor. 

** [DEFENDER WALKS TO WITNESS STAND] **

DEFENDER: Did you see, actually, Valdez stealing the money, or going anywhere near the filing cabinet?

WITNESS: No, but—

DEFENDER: How can you be sure then, that he had ill-intent going into the classroom?

WITNESS: Well—

DEFENDER: Surely then, it’s a possibility he was going in there for some aid or guidance from the teacher? Not to steal anything? 

COURT: Let the boy speak, Mendoza.

DEFENDER: **[TURNS TO JUDGE]** I know, Your Honor. I apologize.

DEFENDER: Ethan, is it possible Leo was going into the classroom for a different reason than what you inferred?

WITNESS: Leo? Staying after school to talk to a teacher? That kid don’t give a shit bout’ his education, he’s too busy being a bitch for—

DEPUTY DA: I’d like to pull my witness from the stands, please.

COURT: That won’t be necessary, Grant. Reporter, don’t write that down.

** [WITNESS REMAINS IN WITNESS STAND] **

COURT: Defender, continue.

DEFENDER: Did you see with your own eyes, Leo stealing money from this file cabinet?

WITNESS: No.

DEFENDER: I have no further questions.

COURT: The witness is excused.

** [WITNESS LEAVES WITNESS STAND] **

DEPUTY DA: Your Honor, the people rest their case.

COURT: Is the defense ready with their case?

DEFENDER: Yes, your Honor. I call the defendant—

** [SECRETARY ENTERS COURT BUILDING, WHISPERS SOMETHING INAUDIBLE TO THE DEFENDER] **

DEFENDER: Actually, Your Honor, The Defense is requesting a continuance, based on the lack of proper time to build a case.

** [SECRETARY LEAVES] **

COURT: Request denied.

DEFENDER: Denied? Your Honor, please, may I ask why?

COURT: This case is not of importance to me. It is small theft. This does not require more of my time.

**[SECRETARY HESITANTLY APPROACHES WHISPERS SOMETHING INAUDIBLE TO THE JUDGE]**

COURT: Ah. Mm . . . All right, fine. In that case . . . Continuance granted.

DEFENDER: Thank you, Your Honor—

COURT: Acht. I don’t want to even see your face for at least three more days, Mendoza.

** [COURT SPEAKS TO JURY] **

COURT: The jury is thanked and excused, court is postponed until further date. 

** [COURT ADJOURNED ON CONTINUANCE LEAVE] **

* * *

[EMAIL SENT TO MR. MARTIN LECHLEIDNER, SUNDAY, 9:43 AM]

_ Hi Martin, I’m emailing about Leo again. . . I haven’t heard from you about him recently? I just want to make sure everything’s okay and good for next week.  _

_ You haven’t answered my past three emails, I’m starting to think you aren’t getting them....write me back, please?  _

[SENDER IS UNKNOWN]

* * *

Getting Castellan’s address was a piece of cake once they started asking the right people. 

Turns out he lived in an apartment building on the corner of Westwood Ave., second floor.

Jahaziel could see the apartment from where her and Martin were waiting on the street corner. 

It was prohibited for them to check the apartment themselves, considering the danger and possibility of contaminating evidence, so the plan was to wait for Morris to show up with a few other policemen and a warrant.

Beside her, Martin was frowning at something on his phone. Hazi turns to the window by her side, watching as a black sedan slows down beside her, she nudges Martin’s hand to alert him.

Morris hopped out of the car and stalked over to their vehicle. 

“This the place?” He nodded to the apartment complex. The building looked old, with it’s drooping floors and rusty railing.

“He lives on the second floor, door 205.” Martin assured.

Morris nods shortly and begins his walk to the building, before he stops and promptly turns around. “You coming?”

“Oh. Right.” 

Martin scrambles out of the car and Hazi blushes red. It hadn’t occurred to her that they would actually be there to find the money. What if....what if somebody’s home?

She shakes away her worries.

The flat was guarded by a flimsy metal-grated porch door. Around them, blinds shifted in the windows of the other rooms. She gets the feeling they’re being watched.

Morris opens the door with a stinking amount of confidence, like he was stepping foot into his own house. It creaked loudly in indignince. 

The inside was rather depressing.

It looked like nearly all the furniture were picked up on the side of the road, or stolen from some old lady’s house.

_ (Did we get the right flat?) _

His lamp shade had pink tassels going around the rim, and a gaming console sat near a small TV. A black school bag rests near the door. The walls were dirty white, and blank, with the exceptions of a few pinned photographs. 

The place looked normal.

Jahaziel passes one of the pictures and stops to take a look.

It’s of a young blond teen, who she assumes is Castellan, grinning goofily next to some other boy with dark hair, who had his arm slung around Castellan’s shoulders like they were good friends. Somewhere in the background, a banner exclaims, _‘KERN ANNUAL MIDDLE SCHOOL SCIENCE EXPOSITION’._

(If she had more time to look, she would have seen they were holding light blue participation ribbons.)

The floor creaks ahead of her and she hurries to catch up with the others. 

They found a boy’s bedroom, based on the twin-sized bed and varying levels of haphazardly strewn clothes. Peel and stick glow stars mapped out constellations on his ceiling.

“Where could they be....” Martin questioned himself, looking around the room in a suspicious daze. 

On the other hand, Morris started ripping through drawers of papers and sifting through every article of clothing kept in the dresser. 

Jahaziel almost wished she hadn’t come. 

He’s not a monster, just a boy....What could he become if she was allowed to just help him? God—what she would give to have Luke Castellan spend an afternoon in her office. A proper dissection of his brain would do him good, but....is it too late for him now—

Martin patted the bed suspiciously, looking to his friend. “Get on the other side—Help me lift up this matress.”

Morris walks over.

“Okay, on the count of three. _One, two—GAH!”_

Singlehandedly, Officer Freeman lifted up the mattress on his own. Martin glared at him dejectedly from the floor. 

“You didn’t have to do all that.” He said bitterly, sparing a glance to Hazi.

“You know what, Lou? Your joints are going to start aching like a _bitch_ one day, and it’ll get so bad you won’t be able to get out of bed, and you’re going to think to yourself, laying in your bed like a damn vegetable, _‘wow i should have listened to Martin when he said to help him lift up the matress_ —What is that.”

Morris peeled back a cut piece of foam from the bottom of the old stained mattress, reaching his hand inside. 

“That ,” he grumbled, inspecting the multiple stuffed orange envelopes he pulled out of the foam, some of them rattling when he shook them, “Is our evidence.”

* * *

[JULY 24TH, NINE YEARS AGO; 6:44 PM, SOMEWHERE DEEP IN DOWNTOWN HOUSTON, TEXAS:]

_ A women stood in front of a quaint boutique. _

_ She looks worn, like a well-loved dish, cracks filled with exhaustion from a long work-day. Grease stains streak her t-shirt, and the red baseball cap over her hair looked like it had seen better days. Long wavy black hair trailed down her back, looking like it had just been released from a bun or pony tail. _

_ Peering in, she’s awestruck. _

_ In the front display is a dress: glistening fabric, perfectly pressed dark, navy blue, shiny satin with delicate lace ends.  _

_ Behind her, people bustle pass her on the busy downtown road. _

_ Entranced by the dress, the woman wandered into the shop and trailed her fingers against the fabric, timid and careful, like she might devalue it with the slightest touch. _

_ “Miss?” A friendly-faced employee approached her. “Would you like to try it on? By golly, I bet it would look  _ stunning _ on you.” _

_ She shook her head. “I’m sorry, I....um, can’t afford it right now.” _

_ The saleswoman did not seem deterred from this, in fact, her face took on a new look on it altogether._

_“It’s always worth a try-on, darling. Especially with someone blessed with your beauty. Here, i’ll open the dressing room. What’s your name, doll?” _

_ “Esperanza.” _

_ The saleswoman carefully wrote her name out on a little black board in chalk. She did not ask for spelling clarifications, but when she opens the room Esperanza notices she spelled her name completely correct. _

_ Carefully, she put the dress on, letting the fabric hug her well-earned curves. The garment exposes one of her shoulders, cutting diagonally down her chest in an off-shoulder pattern, little trims of lace laying flat on her skin. _

_ The saleswoman smiled warmly. “You absolutely look gorgeous, you  _ have _ to get it.” _

_ Esperanza hadn’t bought something for purely herself since....since she moved countries. Her son needed to eat and she had bills to pay. But, it was almost like a calling. Louisa is always telling her she needed to take care of herself....Maybe, just this one time.... _

_ Feeling like she was drifting through a dream, she nodded her head.  _

_ And when the salewoman scanned the tag of the dark blue dress, Esperanza noticed that on the pay pad, the price had a 60% reduction on it....She looked up at the woman, who smiled like she hadn’t applied the discount at all. _

_She strutted out of the shop, unable to cover the beaming smile on her face._

* * *

Late nights started to become Piper’s thing recently. 

It seemed like everything around her had gone to shit, and she was just shouldering it all, just like....oh, who’s that fool from the greek unit in her history class?

Atlas. Yes, Atlas—holding up the world. 

Piper needs a distraction.

Of course, Jason was one of those distractions. Walking home with him was the only time she felt like she could rest her guard, and like a mindreader, he seemed to know the things she didn’t want to talk about. 

like a fidget toy, or a game, he gives her something to distract herself with; getting lost on his lips late at night, or forgetting the shape of herself when she’s curled up into his side.

Her distraction wraps his arms around her waist.

“What’cha thinking over there?” Jason’s words weighed heavy on her neck where he spoke them, lips brushing her hot skin.

“Nothing.” Piper said.

“You sure? You seem...distracted.” Jason craned his neck around to look at her. Piper rolls her eyes in annoyance and turns away from him, leaning more into his chest.

_(Hmph. He’s cuter when he shuts his mouth)_

“I am not.” Piper pouted, pursing her lips. Right now, her distraction is starting to become her current annoyance. 

A beat of silence passes.

“Do you want to turn the TV on?” Piper asks.

Jason sighs and she can feel him lean back into the couch. 

“What is going on with you?” He asks, “I get that everyone's worried about Leo, but you haven’t spent much time with me lately. Did I....do something wrong?”

“No, Jason.” She snaps, “I’m just _tired_ and want to put on the _TV_.”

He reaches over her for the remote and turns it on with a click, surfing over to some Adult Swim show. 

Jason resumes his earlier position, head buried in her neck, kissing her lightly. His hand lightly rubs her arm in a comforting manner, Piper can’t seem to focus on the show.

It’s good five minutes before Jason clicks the TV off again, the room being engulfed in silence so quiet Piper can hear herself swallow.

“Seriously, is something wrong? You can tell me what it is, i’m here for you.” Jason asks, eyeing her with concern.

“No, _ugh—!_ What is _with_ you Jason?! _Nothing is wrong!”_

Piper jolts up from Jason’s lap, bumping into the coffee table in a way that was definitely going to leave a bruise. She hastily grabs her things and throws them into the backpack she’s brought.

“Piper!”

“Jason, i’m _leaving_. Goodnight.”

Confused and bewildered, Jason sputters after himself, but makes no move to stop Piper as she marches out of his house and slams the door shut.

In her car, Piper throws up the center console and roots for her pack of Tic-tacs. She holds up the container—it’s empty. Piper swallows a scream.

_(Fucking Rachel....)_

Quickly, she checks her texts, embarrassingly still parked outside Jason’s house, because she was anticipating something from Drew. Or Leo. She’s anticipating _something._

There’s a text from Marquis—he asks her if he can crash at her house. 

Jesus fuck—that boy always needs a place to stay. It almost reminds her of.....no. Shut up. 

He texted her something about his older brother raving over his ex, who happened to have the house keys, and that he’s been stranded on his porch for an hour. This isn’t something new. 

She tells him to crash at her guest bedroom, but to go through the window instead of the door. The last thing she needs is her Mother thinking she had some secret boyfriend, if she was even home.

Trying to clear her head, Piper drives around aimlessly for a little while.

But eventually, Piper drags her sorry ass home in the late hours of the night, hoping that no one bothers to catch her tip-toeing in. But—

Someone is waiting for her tonight. 

Expectantly, and Piper _knows_ she’s been waiting to catch her, Drew stands in the living room; she’s in one of her oversized tee’s and short-shorts, arms folded across her chest, her expression holding something melancholy. Definitive, but delicate. 

Piper quietly starts taking off her shoes. “What?” 

Drew looks away. “Just wondering where you’ve been going these past few nights.” 

Catching her lip between teeth, Drew shifted on the balls of her feet. “I’m worried about you.”

It feels weird to have her say that. Piper worries for _others_. Piper takes care of _others_ Nobody is ever worried for _Piper...._

“You shouldn’t be. I just—needed a distraction. From all this.”

“From Mom?”

Piper shakes her head. “No, from....y’know, Leo. I couldn’t give less of a fuck about Mom, you know that.”

Drew winces slightly. “No. no, I know you—I know you care about her. _I-i know,_ i know! But, you need to hear this Piper.”

Her sister is never one to fall apart. Neither of them are. But right now, it feels like someone was pulling at one of her loose threads.

Or maybe, someone was pulling _Piper’s_ loose threads. 

“I don’t _need_ to hear anything!” Piper snaps, “ Do you even—Do you _know_ how overwhelming it is for me? To _do_ all this shit? My _best friend_ just had a _trial_ today!”

The thread unravels just a bit more, exposing her, making her _raw_ , making her _vulnerable_.

”I-i....i....I have to keep Marquis from, fuckin’, getting _too high_ and shit, _entertain jason,_ stay on top of school, and now you’re telling me i have to be concerned about this women that _just now_ decided to come into my life? And—and now i gotta deal with _you_ doing all this whiny baby _bullshit!”_ Piper drew a large gulp of air, “What happened to my bitch of a sister Drew Tanaka?”

Across the room, Drew hugs herself a little closer. It’s quiet enough to hear her faint sniffles.

“Piper i know, trust me, _i know_.... But she is trying, okay? She’s clean, and....I think it’s for good. M-mom has a _job_ again, and she’s working on this clothing brand—“

Bullshit. It’s all bullshit. Piper laughs incredulously. “I don’t give a _fuck_ what Mom is doing! I used to think she was dead— _dead!_ In a ditch somewhere! I-i....i don’t need this right now.”

“Piper, _please_. Promise me you’ll at least talk to her.”

She had never seen her sister like this. Drew was begging her at this point, and she felt bad for feeling this, but God, Piper just wanted her to leave her alone. 

So what if she’s right about Mom? Piper thinks she deserves the right to hold a grudge against her a little longer, and—

Deep breath. 

Find the thread. Pull it back.

She pulls it together. For Drew.

Piper breathes in deep through her nose, putting on her best ‘understanding’ voice. 

“Okay.”

(It comes out sounding tired.)

The world on her shoulders gets a little heavier.

* * *

The thing about _almost_ going to jail, _almost_ staying, _almost_ getting caught, _almost_ blacking out—is that you feel like you’re still in it when you’re out.

Jail is damnation. Resignation. The sinking in your chest when you’re caught doing something you shouldn’t, like a child getting in trouble with their parents. Or, at least, that’s what Leo _thinks_ it would be like.

_Almost_ going to jail is like walking a tightrope, thin, like a ballerina’s shoelace, trembling slightly under your feet—which way will you fall?

**le** f **t**

or

** r**ight **? **

_ (oh—stay steady, young one. you don’t want to know what happens when you fall.) _

Air caught in a throat, it holds you prisoner as you wait and wait and _wait_ , balancing on a knife’s edge, held captive. _Captive._ One small move, that’s _it,_ that’s all it takes, that’s what their waiting for—

And you would think, that once you pass through the great big glass doors at the front, it would stop. The breath in your throat will loosen it grip, and spread it’s wings.

Nothing changes. 

He’s free, but not....not in his mind. A prisoner.

The car ride is mostly silent.

Leo picks at the hem of his seatbelt and tries not to wriggle around too much. At least the seats were comfortable—Leo thought his ass would turn to stone in there. 

His social worker looked like he hadn’t slept in days. Leo feels like a nuisance. 

Martin awkwardly turns the radio on to fill the silence, only to shamefully switch it off as an ill-fitting Britney Spears song starting playing. 

The man glances at him from the rearview and Leo quickly averts his eyes. “I’m in the turn lane, do you...uh, want Mcdonalds?” 

“You tryna give me diabetes?” Leo croaked.

“So, no McDonalds?”

“....I never said i had something against diabetes.”

Martin shrugs and pulls through the drive-thru, ordering....whatever the fuck. Leo wasn’t paying attention. 

He gets passed a carton of greasy french fries though, and they’re actually hot for once. And salty—holy shit, he could feel his blood pressure going up like a rollercoaster. 

They tasted good.

He could only stomach a few.

Another glance in the rearview. “Not hungry? What, did they feed you five course meals in there or something?”

It’s a sad attempt at a joke. Leo doesn’t laugh. And it’s....he doesn’t want to think about....

Cockroaches.

“No.” 

They— _~~he fed you cockroaches. don’t you remember? you~~ remember ~~, don’t you? how~~ gross ~~....ha. your face almost molded to fit his fist. can you still feel it? the pain. the throbbing in your stomach—~~_

“I’m just not hungry.”

“Okay.....” The man trailed off. He flicks on his turn signal. Leo taps his hand to the noise. “Well, you’ll never believe who helped me with your case.”

“Okay.”

Martin carried on despite Leo. “...It was Ms. Simmons, isn’t that funny?”

“Sure.” Leo said unenthusiastically. 

He was tired, and his body ached the way it does after running for a long time. The seatbelt Leo was picking at started fraying, and for some reason that made Leo queasy. 

“I met your friends too. Piper, and uhm...that one boy.” Martin says. His attempts at starting converstation were just getting plain sad at this point—

Wait, a boy? Leo’s interest spiked . He prays that it’s someone presentable. Or maybe it’s.....

“....Nico?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.” Martin said, clicking his fingers. Tapping a small pattern on his driver’s wheel, he stopped at a red light.

Martin turns around in his seat and looks Leo in the eye, like he was trying to mock the look of understanding from someone else, someone Leo knew, but couldn’t figure out the identity of.

“He seems nice.” He said.

There’s an underlying meaning there, a sentiment, but it may as well be meaningless, because Leo doesn’t care to find it. The boy eats another french fry, hoping that talking will distract him from how his insides refuse to feel right. 

Leo shrugged. “He’s a dick.” He really wasn’t.

“Oh.”

Martin should just shut up at this point.

Shutting up, it’s not that hard is it?

Leo figures he doesn’t have the right to an opinion on that one. 

But it is counterproductive trying to talk to Leo, alternatively though, they’ve got twenty minutes more to drive, and dead silence would just be plain _painful_. 

Leo’s phone is dead after all. They don’t exactly plug it in for you after you get arrested, though he would have appreciated the courtesy. 

One moment he was in holding, losing his shit, and the next the warden is ushering him out with a quick apology and a pat on the back, shoving his clothes and belongings into his arms as he’s dragged outside to where Martin was waiting for him in the car. 

Leo tries not to question it.

“Do you....want to talk about it?”

No. No, he _doesn’t_ want to talk about it. 

_ (Oh my God. Why the  _ fuck _ would i want to talk about it?) _

“I want to be left alone.” Leo said.

Yes, he wants to be left alone, so nobody is there to catch him while he’s clogging his nasal cavities—

“Okay....But we’re not going back the McKinney’s, by the way, though i suspect you’ll see them sometime. I don’t really want to, because _God only knows_ what trouble you’ll cause there, but i’m taking you back to the group.”

Oh. Huh.

Group.

That’s a place, isn’t it?

More like a hellhole. By that fact he should have suspected he’d be going back, he’s only been gone three months anyways. 

”Okay.” Leo said. “But we have to stop somewhere first.”

* * *

Leo asks to stop in 7-eleven to go pee.

Not an odd request, Martin would figure, had he not specified exactly which one to stop at. He returned only a few minutes later. 

Weird.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -leo’s out ✌️  
> -jason off da goop  
> -pipers going to burst a vein 
> 
> (-btw i started growing an emotional attatchment to the characters i made for this fic and i think i might give then their own little oneshots 😼)  
> look for them in the series when its made !!
> 
>   
> kudos n comments always appreciatted, blah blah you know the drill :)  
> 


	16. the overdose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The overdose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: drug use, overdosing, panic attacks, implied self harm, implied/referenced sexual abuse 
> 
> additional warning, some of the shit written will not make sense 👁💋👁 note the “unreliable narrator” added in tags.

_ build you up _

_ build you up. _

_ you're not sticking together _

_ my panicked hands _

_ and i breathe so heavily _

_ just to build you up, build you up _

_ but youre not sticking together _

_ build build build _

_ but i **need** your hands— _

_ i cry out _

_ because you've fallen apart _

_ into my arms. _

* * *

Arms around him. Warm.

They aren’t usually warm, but they are, and so is the head burying into his shoulder. 

_ Nico. _

“Where’s Jason and Piper?” He whispers.

“Coming.” Nico murmurs, lip brushing his neck.

Mm. Leo missed this, even if it was only for a couple days...Nico lips form a kiss under his jaw. wow. he missed this _a lot._

Second day back and things are already going back to normal, with the exception of his former friend and dealer, Castellan, being convicted of theft and numerous _numerous_ charges of possession. 

It honestly isn’t enough to keep him in jail for long, maybe a year or so, but the half-bloods aren’t going to be too happy about that.

The worry is so far away to Leo. Focus on _right now_ —things are better here. He feels dreamy, like the helium in a balloon. 

He can sense the connections under his fingertips—the dots in the grid— _and he is one of them._

_Threads, fabric, dress._

Connected, to the universe. To Nico. To Piper. 

The memory is numb, one tablet away from truth. 

_ (He speak truth when he lie low) _

And when he lie low, low to the _ground_ , kill him slowly with it’s calling. 

Leo grips onto Nico a bit tighter.

* * *

A stiff twin-sized bed with linty grey sheets, a simple wooden dresser, and a vacant identical bed across from him. The vent blows too-cold air that just about freezes his kneecaps.

_ Home sweet home. _

Leo sighs and throws his bag onto the bed. 

He doesn’t know why he’s back here, just that usually it doesn’t mean anything good. 

When he got out of the station Leo was immediately assaulted by a flurry of hugs from his foster mother, while his foster Father just gave him an awkward pat on the back. So, like, they _cared_ , which doesn’t happen often, but....if so, why isn’t he back at the McKinney’s household? 

Martin had been the one to let Leo know he had been taken out of their care. Leo pried but his lip was sealed shut.

....But, the plus side meant he got to reunite with the plastic baggie taped to the bottom of his dresser.

Leo lays flat on his back, all his attention on the white pasted ceiling. It’s like he can see it breathing. In, and out, like a heart beating out of a chest.

And even though his eyelashes feel like they’re lined with lead, he runs his eyes across the walls and sees that they are breathing and beating too.

_ In. _

( )

_ Out.  _

He trails his fingers along the walls. Leo wasn’t surprised it felt like it was not his hand, but another, and that the world was covered in a layer if cling wrap. And when Leo closes his eyes, he can still _see_ , and he can _feel_ it—

_ Tha-thump. _

_ (I am alive too) _

There’s a knock at the door.

“Come in.” Leo says.

A familiar black-haired skinhead opens the door, leaning on the frame. He wears dark jeans and a white wife beater, and there’s a crust on his right eyebrow where a piercing got infected.  His names Devyn. 

Leo smirks. 

“Yo. long time no see.” The boy greeted, hanging off the doorframe. 

“Oh come on. S’only been three months.” 

“I know, it’s incredible,” Devyn exclaimed, “How _did_ they manage to stand you that long?”

Leo laughs and slowly sits up, his limbs moving a but slower than his mind. A almost unnoticeable flash of recognition runs across Devyn’s face. 

“I’m not sticking around—imma go see _Jasmine_ ,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Jasmine: a bronze skinned classy girl with looks that could kill. This was his “girlfriend-to-be”, or whatever title she has that means Devyn has _absolutely no chance of scoring her._ That was something that hadn’t changed while Leo was gone (unsurprisingly)

“—Just came to drop off something that came for you, uh, underground. I dunno who its from.”

Leo nods. Devyn takes a small crinkled brown paper bag from his pocket and tosses it to leo. It’s taped shut.

“Thanks.” 

“S’aight. Welcome back, and uh...Leo?”

“Yeah?”

The boy lowers his voice and his expression becomes neutral, (if not a little grim). “Where _do_ you get it from?”

Leo has no answer.

* * *

Things did not go back to normal. 

Nico’s not sure why he thought they would.

Leo is basically the talk of the school, or at least he will be until the next big thing comes along. Nico hopes it comes quick.

He doesn’t want all the stares they get when he and Leo are walking to class, or the whispers at lunch, or the ridiculous rumors being spread while Jason him and Leo lay down in the grass in gym.

At least he’s back though. 

Nico missed Leo’s sinister smile and warm skin, the inappropriate jokes he makes when their chemistry teacher is just out of earshot. _Hell_ , he even missed the weed smoke smell in his hair that had become annoyingly endearing. 

The curly haired boy smiled up at him. 

“You got any gum?”

Nico groans then shoves Leo’s head off his lap, fishing the pack of Extra from his bag.

Leo cursed and rubbed his head. “ _Ow!”_

Nico flicks him. “You’re so dramatic.”

He scoffs and takes the piece of gum Nico offers with a grin. “I guess you could say i’m a bit....”

Laughter breaks through the cracks of his sentence and he doesn’t finish it because of how Nico thwacks him in the back of his head for what he was about to say.

Leo cackles, and lays back against the stairs, in a way that couldn’t have _possibly_ been comfortable, but the way he laid made it look like luxury. His hand resting loosely on one of the steps.

Dazed, his eyes. He looks up, like, he wasn’t really seeing what Nico was seeing.

Nico doesn’t know why he does that to himself.

A little weed here and there is one thing, but coming to class with pin-point pupils everyday is a whole other.

He is....sadder this way. Even though it gives him blind confidence, sometimes, it almost feels like Leo feels nothing at all. Like, Nico recalls one time when they were kissing, where Leo just.....stopped. One moment he was _there_ and the next he _wasn’t_.

He had leaned his head against Nico’s and rested it there, barely breathing. He left not too much later, claiming he needed some sleep.

It’s not a good memory. But not bad either.

And Nico supposes it doesn’t matter anyway. He’s never really had a strong moral compass, and Leo likes him this way. 

Nico wonders, briefly, if that’s fucked up or not.

* * *

Leo’s room has a crack in the ceiling, shaped like a scraggly ‘ _U_ ’. And above it, theres two black dots that Leo had drawn with a marker almost two years ago to make the crack look like a smiley face.

He hasn’t taken his eyes off the ceiling in a while. Like, a _long_ while. His eyes are starting to actually _feel dry_ it’s been that long. 

It’s all because of the crumpled, opened, brown paper bag on his dresser.

It had been a day after Devyn let him know it came through the underground—which is something only group-home kids know about. As you’d imagine, it’s pretty hard to smuggle things your not supposed to have, (seriously, a few workers used to be fucking _prison guards._ it waslow-security prison, ‘course, but _still_.) 

So they have this whole system of of smuggling that works, like, probably seventy percent of the time. (....What. They can’t all be Einsteins.)

So when something comes in from the “underground”, and you don’t know what it is....well, it’s a bit suspicious. Ahem. 

The bag has ‘LEO’ scrawled on it in sharpie, so he knew it was for him, but there was nothing to indicate where it had come from. Devyn hadn’t known anything else about it either—Leo checked. 

He had opened it up. Inside was nothing but a tiny plastic bag with three pills in it.

_ (don’t you want them? ~~we still have to do that thing you’ve been promising—)~~ _

_ (i don’t know what they are_

_ (oh come on, they’re probably **hydros** , look at the shape) _

_(i don’t—) _

( _you got the same ones from **travis** two days ago what are you waiting for? ~~idiot~~. you have to be **high** to do this. you’re a ~~coward~~ any other ~~way~~.)_

Leo searched for his backpack, took out his poor, _poor_ metal water bottle (it had seen so much) and removed the bag taped to the inside. He dry swallowed one pill.

Only with slight hesitation, Leo put the brown bag into his backpack and shouldered it on.

* * *

Leo stood in front of a house.

It was small and scraggly, white painted wood walls with brown roof tiles, a hose curled up on it’s side.

_The lawn needs a mow,_ Leo thought. 

And indeed it did. The grass was up to Leo’s shin, and bits of weeds peaked through the stone pavement that led up to the door. He can see where the lawn mower had been taken out in the backyard, before someone decided not to go through with it. 

Leo was more focused on the hoopty car parked near the side of the house.

It was an old model, likely fifteen years of age. Tape held together the drivers-side rearview, and the door was a whole different color from the rest of the damn thing. It had probably been scrapped from another car. 

It’s Luke’s car. 

....And this had been Luke’s last stop before he was arrested, apparently. 

Leo walks over to it, his feet not landing where he thought they would. The grass moved under him with the push and pull of the ocean.

The boy took the water bottle out from under his arm and squirted it over the car, mainly on the underbelly and the interior, since the window was halfway rolled down. The acrid smell of gasoline tickles his nose. 

Leo then fumbles for the matches from the inside of his jacket pocket. His mind is too hazy. He stands there, holding the matchsticks, and looks back towards the house, where the pink froofy curtains had shifted. Someone was watching.

Leo thinks its was the face of a solemn lady. She makes no move to stop him.

Turning back to the car, Leo lights a match. 

It’s a little flame, and it burns on the end of the wood.

It was so silent. So pure, and new. 

But then, it grows larger, and it twists, flames so high Leo swears they could lick his face. _It grows **wicked** arms and twisted legs, and a face rubbed down to the **bone** , and the heat is too ~~hot~~ on his face and—_

_Pricks_. On his finger....It feels like.....

_ Pain. _

Leo dropped the match—burnt down to the end—on the grass and stamped his foot down on it. Ugh. He zoned out.

He didn’t have to look back to the window to tell that the lady was still watching. _Everything_ was watching. The car, the trees...the silent waves of grass. 

Leo lit another match and sucked in a breath between his teeth. (Oxygen keeps him burning too.)

He throws it under the car, and stumbles back, hoping to see the growing swathe of flames he wished for.

He waited ten seconds, or maybe ten minutes. It was hard to tell.

No flames sprouted.

Leo crawls back, confused. His head is swimming. He doesn’t understand.

_ He—he doesn’t understand— _

_The grass,_ his mind supplies. _The grass is too tall and too wet._

And fuck. Of _course_. The grass. The _e_ ~~vil~~ _,_ scraggly, good-for-nothing grass that left him alone all these years. It brought only pain with it’s currents. Leo _hates_ the grass. _Duh_ , ‘course he’d have to cut it before he can burn the car down, _why didn’t he think of this earlier?_

Bringing his knees to his head, Leo rests a moment, because his head feels like it’s swimming. Then, he gets up and wanders over to the lawn mower in the back. He finds out that he can’t walk straight. 

It takes a few pulls to get it started, because Leo is weak ~~_(so weak)_~~ , but it does eventually and it does so with a great whir.

The boy mows down the evil, _evil_ no good grass. _Dumb_ grass. Leaving him alone all these years, what was it _thinking_? Didn’t it understand what Leo had to go through.....

The lawn is cut. It’s only then that Leo realizes there’s no way for him to reach the grass underneath the car, or to move the car, so the whole thing was moot.

He can’t even light up a car right. 

It’s sun down now. The falling sun makes everything around him glow, like it was suspended in honey. Leo sits in front of the raggedy house with his knees pulled up, staring intently at the ground. 

The door opens up.

It’s the lady he thought he saw, only she’s _real_ now. She’s wearing a light pink blouse and a long gray skirt, and she looks light. Made of bird bones. Peeking out, she looks out at the boy in her driveway timidly. 

_(Can’t stay here anymore.)_

Leo picks himself up—and he _thinks_ she’s talking to him—but he cant hear her. Not even if he tried. He walks away from the little house on uncertain feet.

_ (Cant **stay** here anymore, i have to leave....cant stay any longer, i need to leave.....) _

His legs were filled with lead.

~~_ (weighing you down, i always were a traveller, wasn’t i?) _ ~~

A rock skips on the cement. 

( _Couldn’t even light a ~~fire~~. —(/(: —-_

_~~./:?I thought that’s what were good at?)~~ _

_ (i cant do anything. not right, at least. i wish....if someone were just here to he—) _

_~~ (you think someone is going to  ~~ help ~~ us? we dont  ~~ deserve ~~ help. stupid. how  ~~ **stupid** ~~ of you. you’re  ~~ **dumb** ~~**leo** , yknow that?—)/??/:?/!/ ~~ _

...

..

—- _—— — [ _“du—...b le-o.”]_ —_ - -

~~_ (wait...) _ ~~

_ (no i-) _

~~_ (i know, shit—wait—) _ ~~

...

_ —_-_— - — [“You’re worthless, you know that brat? I mean seriously, did you think we run an ~~orphanage~~ or something? ~~retard~~. i’m not here to deal with your **fucking** mental—!/!/?/?:?,,,&999&,,,-,] —_-...—-_—- - —  _

_ [“sit. bend over. — WHAP! do you ~~understand~~ now? now that i—WHAP—am fucking whipping you?! do you think i **like** this?? —WHAP!— **You did this Leo.** If you didn’t ~~like~~ getting punished, you wouldn’t have—/?/?:?:?/?...... so **~~you must~~ love ~~it right~~ —**] —-_—-..— _

_—_—..-[ —.....That’s right....just like that....quit ~~shivering~~ will you, ~~**doll?**~~ I’d thought you’d be a little more used to this after so many times...mhm. we’ve had ~~so many good times~~ havent we? ../!/):):?..._ _~~whore~~. ~~slut,~~ that’s all you’re good for. ugh—quit crying you **dumb** fucking piece of—“-?/?-!/$)/!/!-!-!!/.!] —_-......_

he is so, _so_ fucking **stupid.**

...he’s going to be stupid one more time. 

A park. That’s where Leo’s feet take him. 

It’s dark out—he doesn’t know what time—but Leo knows it took him a while to get there. Not _his_ fault though. His feet felt weighed down, like hands were grabbing his ankles and making each step end early. 

The air smells like dismal rain, and the grass is dewy with it. The park is old and decrepit. Swings sway gently in the light breeze, and the chain link fence around the park is warped and broken in many places, looking like a pair of torn fishnets. It stretched its arms around the park in a hug.

Leo huffs. He collapses onto the faded yellow slide, laying between its dulled curves. He opens his backpack, and pulls out the crinkled brown paper bag.

Inside, the baggie of pills sit, shining like diamonds under the moonlight. 

He doesn’t even realize he’s taken them out, and placed them in his palms. 

Leo doesn’t know what these are—at the same time, he doesn’t really care. 

Breathe _in_ , breathe _out_.

The silence has him thinking, and really he has nothing better to do than dwell on the itch in his veins, the intangible welts on his back and the phantom hands gripping his legs. 

_ Stupid.  _

Leo is Stupid, stupid, _stupid_. 

( _See, this is what **they** ~~wanted~~ , they wanted to ~~break you down~~ and rid you of use, they want you to do it and—!/!/!!/!/—_

_i...i..._

_(i am under the palm of ~~their hand,~~ nothing i do will change that. i am **nothing,** but i can do what i can to make it not **hurt** anymore—)_

The pill goes down dry and he swallows a couple times to keep it from getting lodged in his throat, letting the essence dissolve into his bloodstream. Swirl it all away, like a drain.

And.....

..

He doesn’t even have the time to register when everything went quiet. 

* * *

_ he’s back. prancing on hot rocks and _ _ dancing to the tune behind his eyes. his body feels lighter than air. he is helium. _

_**It** is here again too. It’s hand scoops him up again, black swirling chaos tickling his feet. Leo giggles and let’s a golden haze wash over his eyelids.  _

_ if it could smile it would, leo thinks. it would reveal golden teeth, all the way back to its golden throat and golden belly. _

_ senses move in seismic waves, like the crashing of the ocean, and the churning of the skies. It is primordial, or at least it seems so the way It is itself and everything around it.  _

_ fingernails like the thorns on rose bushes. they scratch through Leo’s hair and he closed his eyes. _

_ it happens faster than usual.  _

_ the black starts to give way, and leo clings to It, clawing and griping to stay. _

_ “no....no, no. don’t, please...” _

_ his voice makes no real sound. leo’s heart clenches, so tight he thinks its twisted in on itself, and he gasps for the air that isn’t there. _

_ he’s falling, falling **falling** to the ground. the ground where it calls to him, with its raspy wicked voice, and it **hurts** and **aches** and it ~~prays~~ that he be reminded of all the pain-n he—- _

_ he is falling.  _

_ and falling. _

_ and, fall..... _

..

.

_ leo’s eyes glaze over. _

_gold, gold, **gold** —if he thought it was ever golden before he was **dead** wrong.  _

_ this. this was like the might of midas, and it felt like staring into the sun, only his retinas were gone and it became a pretty picture. leo can’t hear or see or smell or—-_ _he can’t feel it. _

_ leo falls, and he keeps on falling.  _

_ (forever.) _

_ leo is **nothing**.  _

* * *

When Piper saw the text message, she thinks her heart stopped for a moment.

_ Saturday, 11:05 pm _

** leo: **

can u pick me up?

piper i thinkh i need u to picgk me up

i messed up thihs time 

im soryh 

She shot out of bed like a rocket. Leo _never_ texts like this. And considering what he’s been up to lately she thinks she knows what _“messing up”_ means....oh God. Piper is a _terrible_ friend. She is, isn’t she?

And if it really is _that bad, t_ hat means Piper doesn’t have a lot of time. She raced downstairs and let out of a string of _very eloquent_ words under her breath. 

( _fuck fuck fuck motherfucker shit goddammit fuck fuck) _

Piper grabs her keys and a bottle of cold water, all but flying out the door. Ramming the keys into her car, Piper starts on her way to Leo— _ where is leo? _

“shit— he better have his location on.”

Its on. According to snapchat, Leo was somewhere in Berry Park. A good fifteen minutes away, ten if you tend to disregard the law. Piper slams on the gas pedal.

She races into the parking lot, doing an absurdly GTA-worthy parking job that took up two spaces. Piper practically jumps out of the car.

“Leo!” She yelled across park, using her phone flashlight to look around. It barely lit up the lumpy darkness, full of trees and playground equipment. “Leo! Are you here?”

Piper gets no response.

The air is cold, and it wraps around her skin almost like it was trying to diffuse into veins. Piper couldn’t shook it if she tried.

Stumbling around blindly, she does eventually find him. He’s half-lying in a slide, head over the edge, letting excess saliva drip to the ground. 

“You dickhead!” she hissed, “Can you walk? I brought the car.” 

Leo barely lifted his head at her.

_“only.....o...u-u...”_ Leo mumbled. His speech was garbled, like he was talking with a mouthful of playground mulch. She couldn’t make out what he saying, but she thinks it was supposed to be a question. 

It was then, that Piper realized the severity of the situation. 

“Shit. Do i need to call someone? _911?_ What did you take?” 

Piper can hear the shakiness of her own voice. She sounds like a frightened mother, and it’s probably more than justified in this situation, but she till absolutely  _loathed_ it. Tears prick at her eyes but she blinks them back, refusing to let them fall.

Piper doesn’t know what to do. She—she _always_ know what to do, _so...._ why _—?_

Which is why the choice shes about to make wasn’t exactly Grade-A in in moral standards, because after a delayed moment, Leo slurred, “No... no....i....no—don’t call. _no llame al 911..._ just _-just..._ take me home... _por favor..”_

And the tremble and rhythm of his voice caused her to stop plugging in those digits.

Instead, Piper carried the half-conscious Leo to the car. The drugged out boy dry heaved into the grass next to it, almost not catching his breath. She pushed him into her car and he clutched his head with his hands, drool dribbling out of the corner of his mouth. She thrusted the cold water in his hands.

“Drink.”

Leo flinched at the temperature of the drink but starting sipping nonetheless, after all it was a command—not a request. 

But....

...His breathing was shallower than it should be, floating around the silence of the backseat. The car light illuminated the sweat glistening on his grayish skin, it looked like pearl dust. Piper aided Leo with the water after he spilled it on himself, a result of uncoordinated hands that seemed to be more guessing where things were than knowing. She guided the water to his lips. 

Something isn’t right. 

Small pupils, shallow breathing, gray skin. _Smallpupilsshallowbreathinggrayskin_. 

“What did you take?”

He didn’t respond. Piper shook his shoulder and Leo hummed very quietly, looking at her through bleary eyes.

“Answer.” She demanded. 

“Wha-?”

We don’t have time for this godammit... 

“What did you take?!”

Leo brightened a bit, as if he had remembered the situation was important. His voice was soft.

“...sh..shut up....”

Piper bit her lip hard, having to mentally keep herself from chomping through the skin. 

The girl rams the car into drive and starts down the road. She had to slow down at one of the turns where she knew the police sat and waited to catch speeders, but other than that, her speed didn’t change. 

The whole drive only thing that came to her ears was silence. It was...so deeply unsettling, Piper could feel shivers growing at the back of her hands and knots forming in her stomach. It all feels so wrong. _Leo is never quiet_ —he’s boisterous, and _energetic,_ and _mouthy and...._

Piper glanced in her rearview mirror. “....Leo?” 

The slumped figure in her backseat gave no response, silent as a dead man. 

The dam broke.

Wetness slid over Piper’s cheeks and she sobbed, sobbed with the force of a newly made widow, hurriedly wiping her eyes with her arm to keep the wheel steady. Fuck. She‘s driving too fast in the rain, and as she zoomed by water spew up in rivulets. Her windshield wipers were going a mile-a-minute. 

Piper pulls into driveway and threw open her door, breaking a nail in the process. She unclipped Leo from the seatbelt, but he was still unresponsive, and too heavy for her to lift.

She couldn’t take it.

Piper broke down.

Falling to her knees in the driveway, rain slicked and flattened her hair as she covered her face with both hands. Breathing was met with sharp pains as she gasped for air, and based on the floating dots in her vision, she was not getting enough oxygen to her head. 

Piper doesn’t know how long she stayed like that, but she remembered hearing splashes, _like someone was running in puddles—_ and then Drew was there. 

Drew was dressed in pajamas. No shoes covered her bare feet. Eyes widening, she panicked at the sight of her sister in a heap next to the open car door where Leo was blacked out in a tangle of seatbelts. 

“ _Holy fuck...._ Piper—you gotta listen to me, okay?” 

Drew placed her hands on the girl’s shoulders to calm her. Piper’s breathing was still coming too short snd she clawed at her chest.

“Slow down, breathe. C’mon, _breathe.”_

Drew sat there until her sister got control of her breathing, and by that time she was drenched head to toe, but her hands remained reassuringly on Piper’s arms as she clung onto her older sister.

Drew helped Piper up and quickly untangled Leo, and with a grunt she picked him up under the arms. 

All Piper knows is that she is so, _so_ scared. 

She can breathe now, but she....her hands are shaking, and every time she looked at Leo’s slack face she felt like she was going to vomit. 

Piper shook out her hands and took a deep breath, then grabbed Leo around the waist to help Drew carry him inside.

Drew plopped him on the couch, and then she was doing something with her fingers against his wrist. Piper’s mind was too blurred to figure out what. 

_Pulse_ , her brain said. _She’s checking his pulse._

...For a moment, Piper thought he might be dead. 

Because, Drew’s face was _so grim,_ and she was breathing hard. Water dripped from _her nose_ onto _Leo’s face_ and _Leo wasn’t moving and it was all to much and-and—_

He—he wasn’t moving—

But then Drew’s face relaxed, and she nodded at Piper.

“Okay. I need you to tell me what happened.” Drew said. 

Piper couldn’t speak. No matter what she tried, the words weren’t coming out right, too choked by her sobs. Piper hated every second of it. 

Through her incoherent speech, Drew made out one word.

_ overdose.  _

Drew didn’t look surprised. 

“Shit, Piper.”

* * *

This is bad. This is really, _really bad._

_ (Fuck. I should have seen this coming, it was going to happen eventually....) _

Drew runs upstairs and into her sister’s bedroom, scooting down on the floor and ripping things out from under her bed. Her hands find an old shoebox and she opens it, snatching the box of Narcan out. She shakes it. There’s two left.

She races downstairs where Piper was bent over the boy, prodding him and muttering. She pulls out the small needle.

Piper guards herself over the boy. “What are you—“

She doesn’t have time for this. Drew pushes Piper out of the way and jabs the needle into the boy’s thigh. Letting out a small yelp, Piper gets up and stumbles to the kitchen to throw up in the sink. 

Hard and steady, Drew presses down on the small plastic end and makes sure, like, _double-triple sure,_ it injected. 

She fanned a hand above his mouth. No breathing. Drew bit her lip. 

She tried his nose and was relieved to feel short releases of air coming from it, Leo is still breathing. 

Piper came back from the kitchen. “I-i should have called— _oh g-god,_ i s-should have called—“

“ _Yes_ , you should have.” Drew put a finger to her lips. “But _shh._ don’t wake up the whole house.”

Piper looked pleadingly at her, face puffy from crying, but her panic attack had subsided. “He’ll be okay though, right? D-drew....i _need_ you to tell me he’ll be okay.”

Drew padded over to her sister and pressed a hand to the back of her head, hair still soaking wet from the rain. 

“Leo will be fine. He’s okay.” She consoled her.

It’s probably not completely true, but....she’d rather lie to her sister than upset her more right now. 

Speaking of, Piper’s clothes were still soaked. 

Drew tells her to stay put with Leo for a second, and she solemnly agrees with a jerk of her head.

She goes to her own room in search of clothes for the two of them. Hm. Drew picks out a pale pink hoodie and leggings for Piper, but Leo probably won’t be able to wear that stuffy fabric for a bit. At least, he won’t be enthusiastic about it when he wakes up. She grabs a tshirt and pajama shorts for him—and yeah, they were girl’s clothes, but honestly she couldn’t give less of a fuck right now. 

When Drew gets back downstairs, she sees Piper just....just looking at Leo. Confusion and hurt etched her face. 

She handed her the dry clothes, and before she went to the bathroom to change Drew pulled Piper in for a hug. Probably the first one they’ve had in years.

They stay like that for a while.

* * *

“Is your father home?”

“He’s at the store.”

Not a lie. His father _did_ say he was going to the store; but he said that five hours ago before hopping on his motorcycle—which, _really?_ There’s no way in hell you can fit grocery bags on that. At this point....well, Nico’s father _knows_ he’s not dumb, so the bastard probably just doesn’t care enough to cover up his lies anymore. Nico never pries, after all.

His mother is still so gullible about it though, and she nods at Nico’s answer and goes right back to making dinner.

Maybe she’s not, Nico contemplates. Maybe, under the surface somewhere she _knows_ he’s probably balls deep in some other bitch right now. Well, she probably thinks of something less vulgar than that.

(What? Nico’s not goddamn Dostoyevsky, okay?)

It doesn’t affect him much anymore. At this point, Nico’s just tired. It’s  no more emotional taxing than a homework assignment, to be honest.

It wasn’t that way when he was younger. 

Nico cringes in on himself. God, he was _such_ a wuss back then. He remembers how after a big family fight he’d go to school the next day and make a scene by absolutely refusing to talk to _anyone_ , but too pussy to just walk out. Then a year passed, and skipping school seemed as thrilling a sky-diving—until he got first _FA_ , then....less so.

Nico flops onto his bed, plugging in his earphones and throwing whatever playlist was thrown at him first. He didn’t really listen to classic rock anymore,  cause it felt more like pop than anything, and he had a revelation in ninth grade that the voice inflection in bands like blink-182 sounded whiny more than anything, so that genre was out too.

He fell out of love with music for a while.

....he fell out of love with everything for a while. 

But, it all got saved when Nico discovered punk and alternative and psychedelic rock. He liked how it seemed to drown him in the sound.

Nico turned off the playlist and turned on _Swans_ , letting his head fall back. 

_It’ll all stop when I turn eighteen_ , he reassures himself. 

And that’s cause when Nico’s eighteen, he can finally move out of this stupid fucking city and....dunno, grab Leo and Jason and probably Piper _cause let’s face it she won’t let Leo live alone,_ and move into some big apartment together. And then they can all....Fuck, like, pay taxes and have orgies or whatever the fuck _adults_ do. Nico doesn’t have great examples of those in his life.

....Maybe he could just get an apartment next to them? Because he knows Jason’s snores can make earthquakes sometimes and, y’know, maybe Nico just likes to be alone. Is that such a crime? 

He lets out a puff of air through his nose. It’s too idealistic—he knows that. But Nico doesn’t really share his hopes and dreams and all that Hallmark bullshit with anyone, so at least...maybe he can let the fantasy fester in his mind a little. ~~ _(Where its safe)_~~

Or maybe it’s better to let it die quickly. Less pain that way. After all, Leo is a little....

Nico doesn’t even know what Leo is anymore. 

(Just that....he wishes the boy was here next to him.)

* * *

There’s a moment, where, after you’ve hopped yourself up on so many drugs, everything becomes perfect.

Like, _really perfect_ , he means.

Everything you feel and everything you want, it all goes away. The hope and the pain numbs out to the point where you question if it really ever existed in the first place.

And then when you _breathe_ and you breathe in _your entire life._ The warmth of her hug, and the smell of rain on _that_ summer day, all the ~~screams~~ and the pretty ~~welts~~ on your back, and ~~**his**~~ burning touch on your thighs and the way it gets confused with _his_ gentle ones—

And you hold it all, all within that small, insignificant breath until it feels like your head is on fire and your lungs will burst....

Then you exhale, and everything you know goes with it. You are no longer there, _~~(stain of the world.)~~_

You are **perfect**.

....

..

..

_~~stain of the—~~ _

**...perfect...**

i....i....i....

~~_floaty, floating, float._ ~~

_f..ckin perfe—c-t._

c—n....any....e...(/(..he..r/!/..me—?

~~_print the sky..._ ~~

on my lips.

?

//??/!&/!

_and god said....god said... ~~god said—~~_

all sinners....

**go to hell.**

_i-i...i...i..._

~~**C..N—-AN//ON...E—...AR...! ME?!?!??** ~~

..

He wakes up, but he’s not _awake_. He’s dead....or at least, it feels so. Leo can’t move.

The world is a cloud around him, and he only gets to register that _something is dreadfully wrong_ before he slips back into unconsciousness.

When Leo _really_ wakes up, he feels like hell.

_Living, breathing hell_. His breaths are quick— like someone who was having a panic attack—but its _not_ a panic attack, and so _leo doesn’t know what the fuck to do_. He brought his shaking hands up to his face to dig his fingernails in. 

A splitting headache wracks his mind, and everytime Leo moves little knives seem to stab into his sides. Black dots dance in his vision, and _holy fuck_ why is his body so _fucking hot—_

_ (hot like **hellfire** and the touch of a ~~mother’s~~ hug, the stain of ~~**his**~~ breath and a lighter against suple skin—) _

“shit i—fuck.....ah....”

Leo slammed a fist down on the couch— _couch?_

Couch. He’s on a couch—Piper’s—and oh god. _Ohgodohgodohgod_. 

Leo needs to throw up.

He can’t walk, so Leo clutched his side and heaves onto the floor, yet only just a bit of stomach acid came out. Leo chokes, because suddenly there isn’t enough air to fill his lungs, if there even was before.

Leo slams a fist into the couch involuntarily. He’s hunching in on himself and jerking violently, like he was having a seizure.

His bag. 

Just a foot away, Leo’s bag rests on the floor and he lunged towards it. 

The fabric is sopping wet, and the zipper seemed to sting Leo’s hands as he rips it open, finding a little container of breath mints he keeps in the interior pocket—only it wasn’t breath mints. It was Oxycontin.

It might as well be breath mints at this point.

He swallows a singular pill dry and licks the water off his fingers.

Leo kicks the thin red blanket that had been laid on him off and shivers into the corner of the couch. After fifteen minutes, the tremors stopped, but his hands still shook a little.

Granted, he still felt like shit. 

With a dirty, scraped hand, Leo wiped away the soot and drying tears from his cheeks.

_ (Huh....I didn’t know i was crying....) _

His hand feels hot, he realizes once his body calms down enough to focus on it. Hotter than the rest of his skin.

Looking down at it, Leo noticed blisters. He thumbs the red puffy skin and sucks in a breath through his teeth. He doesn’t remember burning his fingers too well. Leo wonders briefly...if it was...

He shakes his head. 

Leo looks down to find himself in Piper’s Hello Kitty short shorts found it in himself to laugh a little. 

Creeping to the kitchen, the timer on the oven read 6:09 AM. 

Leo creeps to the fridge and downs a glass of water, because _goddamn_ was he thirsty.

Bad idea. He almost _immediately_ had to throw up but Leo blocked it with his hand, not wanting the.... _y’know_....

Yeah.

Cleaning-mode kicked in.

Leo managed to shove back into his backpack, including the empty shell of what he _thinks_ is narcan. Thinks. Now...he looks like he’d just gone over to Piper’s for a sleepover. Right? Yeah, a sleepover....

....Fuck.

He teeth catch his lip.

It....it just takes all of Leo’s strength not to cry. And fuck, part of him wants to because it feels like its been too long, but... Piper.....Piper knows. 

Piper _knows_.

She saw him like—like _that_ , and now Leo will never have his own privacy again—and what if-what if _she called somebody_ and told them _what a piece of shit_ Leo is and- _and someone’s on their way right now to lock him up in some fucking ward—-_

“Take a breath, will you.”

Leo whips around so fast his vision goes blurry for a moment.

There’s a strange woman at the doorway.

Strange in the way that she’s so beautiful Leo would surely remember her, but she’s standing in the middle of Piper’s living room, and Leo’s never seen her before. She was pale, but a glowing pink and olive tint rose over that. Her eyes were big and doe-like, and her nose was a straight line curving down to greet her lips. Brown hair cascaded down her shoulders toher waist.

_ (Who the fuck...) _

“Rough night, i’m guessing?” She questions, lifting her brows. Her voice is like honey. It covers everything.

“S’pretty rough considering Piper keeps stealing all the popcorn.” Leo lied, “I was just over for movie night.”

She doesn’t look like she believed a word that came out of his mouth. That scares Leo. He’s usually a pretty good liar. 

She raised a brow at the messy haired boy, who further hid his still shivering hands in the blanket he had tossed aside earlier.

“Oh come on, Leo.” She said, sitting down gracefully on the couch. “I know the signs...”

“...Dark circles round the eyes,” she traced her under eye lightly with her finger, “sore muscles, shaky hands, droopy smiles....”

The woman smiled sadly. “....the box under Piper’s bed that was clearly moved last night.”

“I don’t know you.” The boy bit, “I’d suggest you get the fuck away from before i do.”

“I’m her mother.” She said simply. 

Leo’s mind tumbled. Piper’s....mother? 

_(mother...mother....mother.)_

_(mother?)_

_(you **killed** your ~~mother~~. you hurt her. took her away from us. do you think ~~she~~ he ever loved you? loved you? ~~lo—ve ..y~~...? ~~l..//.ed~~ .. ~~.o..?)~~_

The words tumbled out of his mouth. 

“You hurt her.” Venom laced his quiet, croaky voice. “I hate you.”

The women looked like she wanted to spit something back, but she bit her tongue and narrowed her eyes. 

Huh. Her eyes.

Leo doesn’t see any of Piper in them. 

“Why are you doing this?” 

The words are purely inquisitive, but something about her voice makes them creep their way onto Leo’s spine, dig in, and not let go. He wants to scratch them all off.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about .” He settles for.

“Oh I think you do.” Piper’s mom pauses, and bit her lip. “What i’m saying is...you need to get help,”—and _Jesus fucking christ his lord and savior._ As if Leo hadn’t heard enough of all this savior type _bullshit_ before—“There’s places for you to go. I know its not easy, but you can—“

“I don’t need your help.” Leo snarled, clutching at the blanket he used to shield himself. 

He expected her to lecture him more, to plead with him and look him in the eyes with pity and desperation—but her face turns very cold all of the sudden. Like ice. Deep, deep ice, that’s been living in the hearts of glaciers since the continents had a bridge. 

(Like she hadn’t made up her mind about Leo. But then, she did.)

“Then don’t get better.” 

Her words spoke in monologues all by themselves. Echoing in Leo’s head and latching onto his spine once more.

“But i want you to imagine Piper’s and all your friends and family’s faces right before you kill yourself.” She got up from the couch. “And may they sneer at your twisted little foaming body in the casket.”

The door shuts loudly behind her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, we finally made it there motheren and fuckerens. the overdose 😛🔥💉⛓🚬
> 
>   
> (story doesnt end here just quite, catch the sequel, “catching my breath” soon !)  
> look forward to ~relationship drama~  
> (soon means literally whenever i post it btw Do Not Get Your Hopes Up)
> 
> I LOVE ALL UR COMMENTS AND SUPPORT THROUGH ALL OF THIS IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY 😭😭😭 SO YEAH KUDOS N COMMENT AND ALL THAT BS FOR THE END OF JLMBFAS <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [love, leo (pjo prompts part I)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27530971) by [vxldez](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vxldez/pseuds/vxldez)




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